Neptune7 Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 Hi, I'm hurt. In love, trying to do the right thing and certainly feeling the intensity of the pain. Here's my story. I separated from my husband of 9 years in February and was asked out to lunch by a doctor at the hospital where I worked. For those of you who watch Grey's Anatomy, he was my McDreamy, absolutely beautiful, funny, charming and attentive and smart. We went to lunch. I was terrified as this was my first date in 12 years. We immediately hit it off and there was clear attraction. So we had a couple of more dates during which I asked him if he had a girlfriend or if he was seeing anyone else. He said no. A few weeks go by and things are moving right along. They're hot, beautiful, the best sex I've ever had and we had so much fun, making music, playing guitar, seriously great stuff. Then he tells me he has to go to LA to help a friend move, asks me to take care of his house while he's gone. He comes back, we're together again and a week and a half later he tells me that the girl was a girl he had seen long distance about six times over the course of the previous year. But that they weren't that close and that he didn't even know if it would really work out. I tried to break it off at that point, but he kept calling and begging me to come over, even played guitar once over the phone. And of course, I'm alone, going through all this crap with the divorce and really need him, so I went running back, holding onto the hope that he would want me more than he wanted her, which is what he was leading me to believe. He would say things like, "I wish you'd just get pregnant because then I'd have to leave" and once even left her phone number on the table in front of me. He has said that he feels obligated to her because she's had so much abuse in her past. I told him months ago that I loved him. I was always honest with how I felt about him and things continued. He would occasionally go to LA to see her and I would be a basket case but then he'd come back and we'd settle in. Over the course of 6 months we probably spent 75% of our nights together. And then I accidentally got pregnant. I discovered I was pregnant on a weekend he was in LA and at that point we had been trying to back off from each other for a couple of weeks because mentally I was taking such a hit. But still, I was pregnant and a mess. That Monday he came back early, I had to put my dog of 14 years down. I lost the pregnancy in the middle of the week (I think I was just too damn stressed.) and was a total emotional basket case. What did he do? Leave me, and run down to LA to be in some run with her. I called him several times and he didn't even bother to call me back. Boy, when he was worried if I was pregnant he made time to get away from her to call about the actual test. I hate him. I hate that I love him. I hate that I still want him so desperately. I hate myself for being foolish and incredibly vulnerable but God, after having been married for so long, opening up to someone emotionally and sexually was huge and I feel trampled. I've written her a letter because I think she deserves to know, but haven't sent it. I've been trying to stay open to being friends, but when we talk or text, I just end up feeling worse the next day, not better. It's been horrid. Frankly, he doesn't deserve to be my friend. So I wrote him today and told him No Contact. I told him I still love him very much, and can't stop thinking about him and that when we talk it just makes it worse, that I wake up feeling like **** the next day. It's funny because I'm tall, gorgeous, talented and have so much going for me and I get hit on, but there are so few people in my life that have impacted me this way I find myself nearly incapable of extricating myself. My heart hurts... Neptune
Author Neptune7 Posted February 22, 2007 Author Posted February 22, 2007 Hi All, I broke off contact yesterday completely. Sent him an email that said I had to get past this and talking to and texting him was preventing this from happening. Every time we would talk (he wants to be friends and says I'm his only friend here) I just wake up hurt and angry. I'm going to do it this time. The worst part about all of this is how much I still want him back.
guin_girl Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 Hi All, I broke off contact yesterday completely. Sent him an email that said I had to get past this and talking to and texting him was preventing this from happening. Every time we would talk (he wants to be friends and says I'm his only friend here) I just wake up hurt and angry. I'm going to do it this time. The worst part about all of this is how much I still want him back. It's a huge step, and many of us are going through the same NC steps as well. It's hard and just when you think you are doing ok, they will reach out to you... and that one little reminder will mess with you, but hang in there... you deserve a man, all your own that you don't have to share!!! Remember you are the prize and to stay strong!!
Neptune Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 If you are going to call on the name of the Gods you are going to have to quit f*cking around with that *******.
guin_girl Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 If you are going to call on the name of the Gods you are going to have to quit f*cking around with that *******. Huh?
Author Neptune7 Posted February 22, 2007 Author Posted February 22, 2007 I don't understand what you mean Neptune:sick:...
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