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Need separation info by tonight.


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Posted

My husband moved out two weeks ago and said that he needed some time to himself. He went to my parents summer home which is vacant, they are away, which is close to me. Since then he has not given me 2 words of info about anything. He says that he is unhappy with life, marriage everything and if I ask him any questions he tells me to stop pressuring him into making decisions.

 

I told him that I couldn't take it anymore an he said 'well you have to do whatever you need to". Now he has moved out of my parents' place as they told him last night that they were happy to let him stay there if he just needed a break but not if he was leaving their daughter! Anyhow, he called to tell me that he wanted to discuss wherever he was going to live and break down some financial stuff, credit cards etc. so that I would be okay. What should I do and say tonight? I feel sick and furious and he won't tell me anything except that he doesn't know if he wants to be married and doesn't know if he loves me anymore. I want to cause him emotional pain. Help.

Posted

Go in discuss what you have to about the bills and finances, keep it cool, businesslike, on topic. Do not discuss anything other than the bills. Try to get control of your emotions ~ anger, tears, sadness whatever ~ even it means you have to reschedule until you can get your head together.

 

Do not cry, beg, plead, implore, reason with ~ strictly business and nothing else, except the children if you have them ~ other than that?

 

SHUT THE HELL UP!

 

Then leave him the Hell alone, no calling, letters, cards, flowers, begging, pleading, whinning ~ nothing! NONE OF THAT WORKS! As a matter of fact it works against you!

 

Come back and post, and start reading. You might want to read Lor's and Dgirl's threads. Also most anything where Lady Jane's posted.

 

Good luck,

 

(I'm headed out the door, so it'll be 11 CST before I read anything else you might post ~ I implore you to follow the above!)

Posted

I agree with Gunny376, be calm, keep your cool. Don't beg and plead. Do what you have to do and leave. I made the mistake of talking it out, hoping that he would come to his senses and come back but it does just send him running the other way. Good Luck tonight!

Posted

I am currently going through a divorce, so I may be able to help a bit.

 

First of all, take Gunny's advice and read www.marriagebuilders.com. It may not help you save your marriage, but it will give you some insight in how you should behave. Keep your cool, pretend you are fine and enjoying life. Your husband might begin to wonder what you're up to then. If you're crying and pleading and begging, it will be huge turn-off for him.

 

Don't agree to anything big, especially in writing. Talk to a lawyer first and shoot for the moon while your husband might still be feeling guilty about leaving you. Mediation is usually the cheapest way to divorce.

 

I know you want to cause your husband emotional pain, but it won't do any good. He will simply react very negatively and his reasons for leaving you will be reinforced and solidified. If you ever want him to come back, don't do anything to cause him emotional pain. If you really want to hurt him, you can do it by working on yourself...improving yourself, keeping your cool, working out, eating better, reading more, etc. Then maybe he will see what he has lost, and he will only have himself to blame.

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Posted

Thank you all for the advice. I have been doing all the wrong things from the sounds of it. We do not have children. I am also freaked out by having to explain all this to my parents who were pretty close to him. They have tried calling him too, but he won't return their calls.

 

I feel so crazy right now. I just know that my emotions go in any direction if he says anything that I can't handle. I am so afraid. He said he would be here by 6 and now it is 6:45. He is really driving me nuts. Do I just have to let him go?

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