Sheep Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 This will make me sound really shallow but I've met a guy who is quite sweet but not great looking. My friends say he is the worst looking guy I've gone with. He looks about 10 years older than he actually is. I'm trying really hard to feel pysically attracted to him but I don't know if I can get past it and because I know what my friends think, thats now stuck in my head too. I don't know what to do. I know looks shouldn't matter but in a way they clearly do.
Road Rage Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 It didn`t work for Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett. You might want to give this thing some thought.
Jinxx Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 It didn`t work for Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett. You might want to give this thing some thought. Oh now that is pretty friggin funny!
Lauriebell82 Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 trying to get past a lack of physical attraction usually doesnt work..although appearances do change over time, i think there should be some sort of initial attraction or spark. if ur not physically attracted to him, then unfortunately all u've really got is a friendship. if u like him maybe u guys could be friends, but i dont think its shallow to say u dont want to date him because ur not attracted to him. not ur fault or his, just the way it is. if he doesnt want to be friends, just end it because u dont want to lead him on
Kittiecat Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 I'm in a similar situation. He's so frickin' nice I can't get past THAT, and his looks have literally become secondary. The thing is, I have this feeling you are letting your friends influence how you look at this guy. If you truly aren't attracted to ANYTHING about him (including personality, sense of humor, etc.), then you should move on...but ONLY because YOU want to...not because your friends say "he's the worst looking guy you've ever gone out with."
Storyrider Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 If you truly aren't attracted to ANYTHING about him (including personality, sense of humor, etc.), then you should move on... See, and this goes back to Woggle's thread about why women want to change men. We do it because we are attracted to some aspects and displeased by others, so we decide to give it a go, thinking we'll fix some of the problems after the fact. It doesn't work. It just frustrates the guy and the woman. My new advice is, trust your libido. If you don't find yourself lusting after him, move on.
Guest Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 If looks are important to you, well, they are. Don't deny yourself what you want because you think it might not be PC. Personally, I wouldn't want someone going out with me unless they were attracted to me.
Kittiecat Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 See, and this goes back to Woggle's thread about why women want to change men. We do it because we are attracted to some aspects and displeased by others, so we decide to give it a go, thinking we'll fix some of the problems after the fact. It doesn't work. It just frustrates the guy and the woman. My new advice is, trust your libido. If you don't find yourself lusting after him, move on. Sure, but a woman can't really change a man's looks. Taking him shopping and getting things waxed can only go so far, and I'm sure there aren't a lot of women willing to foot the bill for plastic surgery. You do have a point on the libido part, and that is very important, but sometimes it shows up later. I have a friend who dated a man who is certainly nothing to write home about. She wasn't really turned on by him at first, but he wore her down with his charm. She couldn't get enough of him and now they're married....and no, he isn't rich. Sheep - I take it you went out with this guy at least once?
Storyrider Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 Sure, but a woman can't really change a man's looks. Taking him shopping and getting things waxed can only go so far, and I'm sure there aren't a lot of women willing to foot the bill for plastic surgery. You do have a point on the libido part, and that is very important, but sometimes it shows up later. I have a friend who dated a man who is certainly nothing to write home about. She wasn't really turned on by him at first, but he wore her down with his charm. She couldn't get enough of him and now they're married....and no, he isn't rich. Sheep - I take it you went out with this guy at least once? It is such a gamble to get deeply involved with someone you don't lust after sexually. I agree that whether you are hot for someone is more than skin deep. It isn't about looks at all, necessarily, but whether you are physically drawn to the person, and have chemistry with them. In my early twenties it was all about my emotions. I wasn't a very sexual person in general, so it was hard for me to know whether I was hot for a guy or not. You have to have self knowledge, which is sometimes hard when you're young (I don't know the OPs age). This is a topic of interest to me right now because my twelve year marriage lacks much passion, and my physical attraction toward him has never been strong. I would not advise anyone to downplay this issue. It is more important than I thought, even though other aspects of the relationship are very strong.
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