xoxoswimmerxoxo Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 So...i haven't had to use this site in a long time. it's been so long i can't even remember my password for my old screen name. Well anyways....here it goes....back in december i started hanging out with my best friends group of guy friends...met a guy there who was totally awesome and we started to talk more and hang out on our own...thrusday will be one month we've officially been together....well i thought it was all good until valentines day we hung out and things just felt weird after a little while it got better but then we decided to give eachother our presents...his was a build-a-bear that said i love u in it....now isn't like an unwritten rule that you should never say the L word before it's been a month?? i was suprised....all i could say was i don't say that word....i have good reason, i've been hurt too many times and i just could not say it and mean it. How could i? i only knew him since december! Now here's where it gets interesting.....well u can tell by my s/n i'm a swimmer...i started swimming last year and i started to like one of the guys on the team...well when swim season ended i forgot about it, but in later september when we started conditioning, i started to like him again...but i like gave up on the whole thing because i'm a senior and he's a sophomore and his mom won't let him date or even hang out with anyone....so i just said well nuthin i can do about it..and then in december that's when my now boyfriend came in....well i still had swimming and me and my swimming crush would talk and flirt and what not....we became close eventhough we don't see eachother outside of school,we're best friends....well i didn't even want to tell him that i liked him to ruin that or just make thigns weird if there was no chance of having something more than a friendship....so i didn't up until a few days ago...well first everyone kinda knew i liked the swimmer because, i didn't hide it well enough and everyone knew he liked me...well someone on the team one day at a meet thought it was up to himself that we both finally get it out in the open and well he confronted the guy and made him fess up and then the nosy one told me on the bus and well since the swimmer crush knew i liked him...i had to tell him i liked him back...though we both made it clear that there was no chance nor point in having a school/email relationship...especially when i was to be going off to college after the summer....so we said well maybe one day you know...so we left it as we're just best friends that know that they care for eachother as more than that, but can't do anything about it. Well back to my boyfriend...i feel so annoyed lately when i talk to him...and i feel miserable and like crying all the time...i mean i can't break up with him and hurt him...i'm like his first real girlfriend and i care for him, but i know even if it lasts until i go to college, that's where it will end. I don't know what to do...everytime i see my swimmer....i just can't stand that i can't have him....and the swimmer had no idea about the boyfriend...so it's a big mess and i'm a mess because of it and i don't know what to do...i feel miserable and i want everything to just work out for the best....
TJ07 Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 swimmer, first of all why are you so annoyed with your current boyfriend right now? is he doing something in particular that is wrong? why do you feel like crying? i mean these are issues in themselves. i would break the situation into 2 parts to make it a little easier. part 1, your current boyfriend, what's going on there to make you feel so bad, and part 2, your friend, and the attraction there. First of all, you can't worry about how your boyfriend is going to feel if you break up with him. Sure it's normal human instinct to try and avoid hurting someone you care about, but it's not right for you to stay in a relationship that doesn't make YOU happy. If your heart is not completely into it, then you have to break it off. When you make this decision, you have to keep thoughts of your friend out of the equation, that only manipulates how you feel. If you decide to break things off with your boyfriend the reasons have to be because your not happy anymore, not because you like someone else. Now as far as your friend goes, I would be very careful in this situation. Sure both of you have a common interest to be with each other, but you have to take into account all of the things that are going on. You are leaving for college soon? going out of town? if you are, are you sure you would want to try and have a long distance relationship with someone in high school who you will hardly see. I'm not saying this is impossible, but long distance relationships hardly work out. I would not worry about what his mom will or won't let him do, that is his problem, you would still see each other everyday at school, it's after graduation that's the problem. You have to do what makes you happy. sorry the response is so long, i tend to ramble on.
roxy_1980 Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 As a career competitive swimmer I have had some experience with this sort of thing. I think what you're describing is considered "team flirting", a term used to describe the playful banter between swimming teammates that enviably occurs. There are always "team couples" getting together and breaking up and all the drama that goes with it. It is usually caused by the fact that people are walking around in their bathing suits 24/7 and well....how do I put this nicely...well, I can't...most swimmers has very little modesty. This phenomenon is at its very peak when....during the teen years. That's why you were attracted to him, then forgot about him and now that he's walking around in a speedo again, he's hot right? Been there and team relationships (romantic ones anyway) very rarely last. As for your boyfriend, men who use the L word before the sixth month scare me. His over-enthusiasm is pushing you away.
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