Isises Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 Ok, here is the situation. My husband has basically been having an on-line affair for 2 months. It started somewhat innocently, mild flirting in msn, then they voice chatted, then they web cammed chatted, then she sent him dirty pictures of herself, then they masterbated using a web cam. Right now I am aware that it can't get more progressed than that as they are in different countries. I have been aware of it all and he tells me that he likes her..... lots, but they are just friends. I have asked, begged, and pleaded that he end it. He is willing to stop all sexual talk and play (unless it acceidently slips out) but he won't not talk to her. They email, msn or voice chat on a daily sometimes hourly basis right now. He says I have to get over it because "nothing will happen while there is an us" How do I let it go? My imagination is a horrible thing, I have nightmares about catching them together, and him leaving me for her. But, here is the kicker, I love him and don't want to leave him because of this. Am I fooling myself?
Kamille Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 What does he mean, nothing will happen? Something has happened and you know it and he won't aknowledge it because this enables him to have two women in his life. For most people I know, mutual masturbation on webcams counts as something, especially when coupled with an emotional attachment. How do you feel about it? What are your boundaries about this?
cl2d Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 You're not foolish, love is a funny thing, I know exactly how you feel. My husband did the same thing, started out as innocent chats and then got emotionally attached. At least yours had only been going on for 2 months. I didn't find out until it was a year and a half into their relationship. Now he wants to leave me and our 3 kids and move her here to start their lives together. I keep thinking that he'll wake up one day and realize that this is all just fantasy, but he can't see it that way. I love him too just as you love yours, but you have to set boundaries with him, tell him you will not tolerate his actions. Do you have children? It's too late for my marriage but I think if you take action now and seek counseling, that'll be help! Good luck!
jmargel Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 Definition of insantity: Doing the same thing over & over, expecting different results. As long as you tolerate it, as long as he faces no consequences for his actions he will continue to disrespect you and it will get worse. Why should he change when he knows your not going anywhere? His ego is being stroked by what's going on, and if he can do this to you and look you in the eye and say he's not going to stop then only imagine what he would do to the women that are in his reach. Give him the ultamatium, either marriage counseling and stop contact with this woman or it's over between you two. You have to decide on how much you are going to compromise of yourself to stay in this marriage. Actually this isn't even a marriage to him, it's a convenience. Tough love is needed here, and until you enforce the boundaries you set forth with him he'll continue to do as he pleases.
scubafish Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 This is a hard situtation, you are trying to show your love by being accepting of his wants, but this is not good or healthy. He is emotionally involved with this woman, and this can only hurt your relationship. I too, tried to be accepting of my WS relationship with another woman, because I felt we had a strong enough relationship to get past it, and did not put my foot down. well, this is the 3rd week since he moved out to start a 'new life' with this OW. if this continues with your guy, he may start having these 'grass is greener over there' issues, and end up doing the same thing. I don 't know how involved he is with this OW, it may justbe an escape, and he does not 'love' her, but it could work up to that.
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