Spinderella Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 I ended things awhile ago with the guy I had been seeing. I know I could call him anytime and he would come back, only, I ended it for a reason. My problem is that before he came along I was very content, and I find myself annoyed at him for representing himself as so wonderful initially. Those dreams of love had been buried long ago and very much forgotten. Now I find myself looking for love again, which I feel annoyed with myself for. It is as though I have become weak and needy as a result of this. I dont want to find somebody else, I want to be happy on my own again, and yet I am constantly scouring personals ads and joining dating sites!
Davis Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 I ended things awhile ago with the guy I had been seeing. I know I could call him anytime and he would come back, only, I ended it for a reason. My problem is that before he came along I was very content, and I find myself annoyed at him for representing himself as so wonderful initially. Those dreams of love had been buried long ago and very much forgotten. Now I find myself looking for love again, which I feel annoyed with myself for. It is as though I have become weak and needy as a result of this. I dont want to find somebody else, I want to be happy on my own again, and yet I am constantly scouring personals ads and joining dating sites! What was the reason? I wouldn't be annoyed with him, people by nature put their best "selves" out at the beginning. Maybe you're realizing it's fine to be happy on your own, but you would now rather be happy with yourself AND have someone in your life too! What's so wrong with that?
Spinderella Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 What was the reason? I wouldn't be annoyed with him, people by nature put their best "selves" out at the beginning. Maybe you're realizing it's fine to be happy on your own, but you would now rather be happy with yourself AND have someone in your life too! What's so wrong with that? yes i realise that trying to impress is something we all do to an extent. i am annoyed with the situation itself. its wrong because i am not actually ready to have someone in my life. i should hve realised that before. perhaps i am more annoyed with myself than anything else.
scrybe74 Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 You're not alone in that. I ended a longterm relationship also and though I feel MUCH better on my own I find myself scouring the dating sites myself. After 6 months I broke down and allowed her to come back for a 2nd chance but it was a horrible idea. It only lasted 2 weeks. The good thing about it is that it helped me to remember why I'm happier being single. I can't speak for you but I know that I need to work on some personal things before I get into a relationship again. I'm just not fit for that sort of thing right now. Or.....Or find someone who's not too 'needy'. I have a busy life and kids and it's just hard to find a woman who's needs aren't my responsibility to fill. I want her to have her own happiness outside of me. Anything I contribute should be a bonus right? Anyhoo...as you can see...I have some things to work out. The best medicine is time. It gets better after time. You might want to go on a few 'light' dates just to remind you of where you're at right now in terms of really wanting to be in a relationship right now or not.
Spinderella Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 thanks scrybe. yes. exactly. i have things to work out too. also if i am to have a relationship at all, it would have to be with somebody extremely mature. i have never met that person, and part of the reason for not wanting to get involved is that i really do not want to end up putting hope into another immature person and having romantic dreams resurfacing, like now. i suppose in a few months i will have buried those dreams again.
confucious Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 Spinderella - I have read a few of your posts and it seems like you are so terrified of losing your independence that you over analyze a ot of things. In every relationship we ALL lose some independence - it is part and parcel of trusting, leaning on, and sharing. Sometimes concessions are made and compromise is ALWAYS necessary. I have known some women who - for personal reasons, or perhaps they are too caught up in the modern day rush for the super-woman who needs no one and nothing but herself - cannot remain in a relationship because they cannot "give-in" a little. Perhaps try giving-in to the flow, don't worry if he is "trying to make you dependent"...perhaps try letting yourself go. If you are TOO stuck on always being independent, you may end up being Spinster-ella.
Spinderella Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 hi confuscious, yes, its why i chose this name! sometimes i wonder if it is really the guys i date, or is it just me. i panic, quite alot, every single relationship i have. i destroy or walk away from them all. sometimes i think it is because i am forcing myself to make the right choices, the ones that don't come from a needy place, but, sometimes i even wonder if this is just another excuse. well observed though.
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