confusedandempty Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Hey everybody - I've been having hard time for the past weeks again after a breakup with my ex about 4 months ago. She has kind of popped back into my life - like her friends have started speaking to me again on MSN and finally I met her last weekend for the first time in months. My mom told me something worth noticing when I told her that I've met her. She pointed out that it wasn't the relationship ending that crushed my heart. It was more the fact of getting rejected. I haven't gotten rejected many times in my life and I kind of haven't gotten used to it I guess. My breakup for example is the clearest case I believe. Because when I met the ex again, I realized that I didn't miss her that much. It was probably just my ego that was hurt more than I can describe. And to clear it even more, I am having the breakup feeling now. I met this girl a month ago and everything was going kind of slowly. Although we had only met few times, I had my hopes quite high. I don't know why I do that but well, I did. Now she told me just few hours ago that she wasn't really interested in me. Well, truth sucks. But why am I having this breakup feeling. I know I won't be sitting in bed with tears in my eyes for the next hours. But I hate this feeling of rejection. Another example. I go in a store and I'm too afraid to ask if they have a sweater in my size (normal size though), just because I might be rejected. I have thought about this, but I haven't told anyone about me. I have big enough ego when I'm talking to girls and stuff like that. But I'm always afraid of getting rejected. How do I get over this. It's kind of frustrating...
Spinderella Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 nobody likes rejection, some handle it worse than others. theres a post called "shes not very nice" or something like that, where blue tuesday talks about the problems with the ego very articulately. perhaps reading that might be of some benefit. i believe its hard to find real true love unless you deal with the ego first.
Author confusedandempty Posted February 22, 2007 Author Posted February 22, 2007 Thanks Spinderella, there were a lot of truth in the other thread and a lot of it describes me How is it though. Yesterday there were 4 months since my ex of only 6 months broke up with me. When I got rejected by this other girl, it woke up all the same feelings I had 4 months ago. Resulting in me having been thinking a lot about my ex lately. This just doesn't make any sense. I was quite unhappy in the relationship. We didn't get to spent much time together alone. We got some time, but always with her sister sitting on the couch next to us. It seemed impossible to get any close intimacy in the relationship. I had become a little frustrated and was thinking of breaking it off. Then she was a bit quicker and she broke it off. How can it be that I'm still so bitter and angry sometimes, today, 4 mths afterwards. I would just simply love going through a day without thinking about an ex (that I don't want further relationship with) a 100 times. I just wanna crawl under a rock and lie there until everything goes by...
Guest Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 Your mom is a smart woman. Here's alittle trick that might help. Alot of people play the "What If" game. What they fail to do is follow through and answer the question. What IS the worst thing that could happen? You don't get the sweater immediately. You file a customer complaint. And in order to make you the customer happy you end up with 2 sweaters free of charge. Ok that last bit was me wishing for free clothes. The point is answer the question. What IS the worst that could happen? You've already been through what alot of people consider the worst and you've emerged on the otherside doing well. Just remember to confront the fear. As FDR stated "We have nothing to fear but fear itself". Your fear is rejection. I hope you see how far you've come and how smart you are. Not many people would recoginize that early on. That's half the battle. Good luck.
Spinderella Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 Thanks Spinderella, there were a lot of truth in the other thread and a lot of it describes me How is it though. Yesterday there were 4 months since my ex of only 6 months broke up with me. When I got rejected by this other girl, it woke up all the same feelings I had 4 months ago. Resulting in me having been thinking a lot about my ex lately. This just doesn't make any sense. I was quite unhappy in the relationship. We didn't get to spent much time together alone. We got some time, but always with her sister sitting on the couch next to us. It seemed impossible to get any close intimacy in the relationship. I had become a little frustrated and was thinking of breaking it off. Then she was a bit quicker and she broke it off. How can it be that I'm still so bitter and angry sometimes, today, 4 mths afterwards. I would just simply love going through a day without thinking about an ex (that I don't want further relationship with) a 100 times. I just wanna crawl under a rock and lie there until everything goes by... it makes alot of sense really. sometimes similar events trigger undealt with emotions, i believe thats why break-ups are so painful to begin with, because usually they trigger some forgotten feeling of rejection that everybody on the planet has experienced at some point. break ups are the times when old insecurities surface, or they surface within the relationship when we fear being broken up with. it is good that you recognise that your feelings are a part of you and not dependent on this external circumstance because its something you do not want anyway. focus maybe on where the feeling comes from and deal with that, whatever it is that makes you feel so bad about this. its a good practise anyway, and saves alot of unneccessary chasing of things you dont really want to try to ease the insecurities. i think this often happens with people either when a relationship ends or when the other person is acting distant. sometimes people use it to their advantage and play the aloof game. its pretty much a common human condition, so if you can get a handle on it, then you will be better off than most people.
lonelybird Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 The bigger ego is, the bigger hurt is. the less ego is, the less hurt is. It is a process to grow. if a man has a mini ego, then he really don't care rejection, maybe I am too idealistic now
Author confusedandempty Posted March 3, 2007 Author Posted March 3, 2007 Went to the movies tonight. Alone, that's pathetic, but it gives me time to relax and gives me time to think. I know for sure now that I won't be getting any further with this other girl I met few weeks ago. Truth sucks sometimes, but I guess that's life and I just have to accept it and move on. However it has woken all these strange feelings towards my ex-girlfriend. She has just popped into my mind heavily for the past days and I don't seem to be able to concentrate on anything else. It's just unbelieveble, especially knowing that the breakup ruined my last semester and I'm not gonna allow her to do that again. For an example I've known for weeks that she's going out tomorrow night. I just know that because her favorite band is in town and I've nervous and anxious waiting for that day, simply because I know she's going out and have fun. This definetly isn't normal on my behalf, knowing there are 4 months since we broke up and I've gone out clubbing with my friends almost every weekend since new years. Sometimes I think that LoveShack isn't helping me anymore. I believe it gives me time and space to let me think about my past relationship(s). Do you guys think that's true. That after some level of help from LS you just can't get anymore help from here. And is that maybe time to think about professional help? I hope this is just a phase I'm going through and that it will go away in the next few days. I just needed to rant, it makes me feel so good to lift the weights of my chest sometimes. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation who can give me advices or help me in any way. All advices are appreciated
Krying Posted March 4, 2007 Posted March 4, 2007 The bigger ego is, the bigger hurt is. the less ego is, the less hurt is. It is a process to grow. if a man has a mini ego, then he really don't care rejection, maybe I am too idealistic now I'm not sure that's true, at least in my case it's not. There are kind sensitive guys out there contrary to the notion that all men are pigs. Being hurt and having your heart broken is separate from ones ego being crushed.
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