Guest Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 A Year Ago I Happened To Notice That My Husband And A Co-worker Were Spending Approximately 2 Hours A Day Talking To Each Other On Their Cell Phones On Their Way To Work, On Their Way Home, At Lunch Time And Various Other Times. I Flipped Out, Sent "her" A Nasty Email And Such. Hubby Said I Was Insecure, Suspicious, And Childish To Act Like This.......he Refused To Stop Being Friends With Her. We Went To Counselling, But It Still Continued, Him Telling Me Nothing Happened. Now Almost A Year Later, We Have A Party And She Is All Pver Him. Her Husband Is Friends With Some Mutual Friends And We Were All Together At A Party. I Was Furious. I Gave Hubby The Ultimatum, Me Or Her. He Chose Me. Now For The Fun Part................last Friday Night He Went Out With Some Friends Of Ours. I Was Not Included As He Was Mad At Me! He Got Trashed, Told My Girlfriend He Had Kissed This Other Woman But Nothing Else Happened. All This Time They Had Been Telling Me I Was Insecure Etc And Now I Am Really Ticked Off. So I Threw Him Out Of The House. Packed Him Up And Sent Him On His Way. He Has Since Come Home On His Knees Begging Me To Take Him Back, Has Quit Drinking, Now In Aa, Also Wants To Go To Counselling. He Can't Understand Why I Am Still So Hurt And Upset. I Want To Tell Her Husband About This. What Do You Think? I Feel He Has A Right To Know As He Too Also Felt Something May Have Been Going On. What Do You Think?
outofdarkness Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 A Year Ago I Happened To Notice That My Husband And A Co-worker Were Spending Approximately 2 Hours A Day Talking To Each Other On Their Cell Phones On Their Way To Work, On Their Way Home, At Lunch Time And Various Other Times. I Flipped Out, Sent "her" A Nasty Email And Such. Hubby Said I Was Insecure, Suspicious, And Childish To Act Like This.......he Refused To Stop Being Friends With Her. We Went To Counselling, But It Still Continued, Him Telling Me Nothing Happened. Now Almost A Year Later, We Have A Party And She Is All Pver Him. Her Husband Is Friends With Some Mutual Friends And We Were All Together At A Party. I Was Furious. I Gave Hubby The Ultimatum, Me Or Her. He Chose Me. Now For The Fun Part................last Friday Night He Went Out With Some Friends Of Ours. I Was Not Included As He Was Mad At Me! He Got Trashed, Told My Girlfriend He Had Kissed This Other Woman But Nothing Else Happened. All This Time They Had Been Telling Me I Was Insecure Etc And Now I Am Really Ticked Off. So I Threw Him Out Of The House. Packed Him Up And Sent Him On His Way. He Has Since Come Home On His Knees Begging Me To Take Him Back, Has Quit Drinking, Now In Aa, Also Wants To Go To Counselling. He Can't Understand Why I Am Still So Hurt And Upset. I Want To Tell Her Husband About This. What Do You Think? I Feel He Has A Right To Know As He Too Also Felt Something May Have Been Going On. What Do You Think? I got the same thing when I first found out my H had been just "having lunches and long phone calls"...Turns out, he was doing these things but also having deep EA's, intense PA's and living a totally different life. I'm not saying this is the case w/ your H, but you are talking about some HUGE red flags. First off, Is the co worker a subordinate?? This could make a huge difference and could mean his job, depending on the Co. Even if she is NOT a sub...it STILL could mean his job. All she has to do is claim S-- Harr. and he doesn't have anyone to back him up...THEY WERE ALONE!!! I only know of one coworker that my H fooled around w/ and I too, was told it was just "dinner and drinks" to discuss "business"...I caught him lieing to me about it and this was AFTER D day, which was two years ago...I have been going back and forth on this forum and the OW forum, driving myself nuts trying to figure out if he's still cheating. Don't let it get to this point! Hire a PI or do some invest. yourself...Borrow a friend's car and follow him, put a key logger prog. on your home comp...if he uses it...Mine doesn't since he was caught...You could have been me two years ago. Cheaters will do and say anything to get out of telling the truth about what they are up to...The will lie, lie, lie..until the cows come home!!! The only way I WAS finally able to learn the truth was when his main OW of 10 years....DON"T be me in 10 years!...sent me a letter in the mail outlining how she had been a part of my family and they had "deep" feelings about her...He told ME that she gave good h---! I felt bad for her...Imagine that! I was so mortified that he would treat someone this way... Bottom line, your H and his co worker are doing more then just chatting on the phone..check it out, PLEASE...Don't let it go so far that it's too late for you to meet someone to start over with. I didn't find out until ater he had been seeing her/them for 10 years, I had had a hysterectomy and no money due to his indescretions. Hope this helps...Please Private Message me once you are a member. Please stay! It's a great place to get support...
justice Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 Same here and welcome to the club. Once they are busted they will say and do anything to disprove the affair. You have to really get wise and think on your feet and always be two steps ahead. I found out who he was seeing, where she lived, what she drove and told her in no uncertain terms that this was not to continue or her husband would be told. What did I get? She stalked, harrassed and tormented me until I finally had to take out a restraining order against her, seems my hub gaslighted both of us, telling her he was "getting rid" of me and telling me she was nothing more than a no good, sleeps with everything s*ut. I divorced him and she is now out of the picture as well. She did get jail time out of it too. I wish you well. Hope yours ends better than mine did, once that trust is broken..nothing can fix it.
norajane Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 Yes, tell her husband. Affairs thrive in secrecy. Expose them and it takes the "thrill" out of the sneaking around together...partners in crime. Her H can also do his part in terms of getting their marriage back on track, and reducing the temptation. No reason her H should be the only one of you in the dark. Plus, think of how awkward you'll feel at the next gathering if her H doesn't know - you'll be in the position of lying (hiding the truth) on behalf of your H and the OW.
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