sapphire0903 Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Good morning everyone, I am very tired, emotional, and could use some support. Last night I told MM that I can no longer see him. He asked if he could call, I told him "No" He does not want to continue hurting me, he said he will respect my wishes. I know it is the right thing to do, I know that time will begin to heal the wounds............I hope tomorrow will be better
Kamille Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Good luck! I don't know your background story, but cutting MM out of my life (6 months ago) was one of the best things I ever did for myself. It was hard. NC with a MM is complex: know that if he respects it, it's because he knows you deserve way more then what he is offering you. If he doesn't, he is putting his own needs ahead of yours and his BS, yet again.
Kenzo Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 I wish you all the luck in the world, I cannot imagine what you're going through right now, day after day i suppose it will get (a little) easier. I must tell you, I have not been here long and I don't know you're story but my heart breaks for you none-the-less. You are able to do what is right for everyone involved and that is brave...keep it up... you're strength is all you can count on right now.
Jinxx Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 I know it is the right thing to do, I know that time will begin to heal the wounds............I hope tomorrow will be better 4th week NC for me. Every day gets better, you'll see. Focus on yourself and stay busy. Of course allow yourself to have that occasional meltdown every now and then.
Latingirl31 Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Last night I told MM that I can no longer see him. He asked if he could call, I told him "No" He does not want to continue hurting me, he said he will respect my wishes. I tired that 3 times now and it has not worked for me. Either I have given in or he will call just to say "Hello" and it starts all over. Are you married or single? I know how hard it can be because of the pattern that that person becomes in your life. Well be strong and good luck.
Author sapphire0903 Posted February 20, 2007 Author Posted February 20, 2007 Latingirl, I have been divorced now for close to four years, out of those four, 2 1/2 were spent with MM. (We were both separated when we began seeing each other) I too have tried several times to stop seeing him within the past year..........this is probably about the fifth time. This time he said he would respect my wishes,...........the other times, he convinced me that it would be better to see each other some than not at all. (We have not been sexually active for three months.) I don't doubt how he feels about me,..........it is love,....but he loves his wife too. Kamile, Thank you for your support, ......I told him last night that I deserve more than this, and he agreed, he wants me to be happy. up to this point, he has not been willing to let me go.........and sad to say, but when he would not let go, I would still hold on. So I asked him to do this for me........let me go. Jinxx Thank you for the support, I hope I can get where you are real soon. Kenzo, Thanks.........It is hard, I hope each day that pass's will get a bit easier on the old heart..........I am really tired of crying over this.
mustbcrazy Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Sapphire, I feel your pain. I have not gone NC yet, but I am mentally preparing myself to do so in the very near future. My MM is in love with me, but he loves his wife also. It helps to read about others who have had the strength to do the right thing...and to hear that it gets easier. Right now, I am not able to do it, but reading the posts on LS is part of my preparation to end my R. I too am so tired of crying and being consumed by this R. Good luck, and please continue to post to let us know how you are doing.
kymberann Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Saphire, We are here for you, many of us have been through what you are going through! Just allow yourself to go through the myriad of emotions. It is what will help you heal! You are grieving a loss. What you did is a brave & strong thing, it takes courage and guts, you stood up for yourself! Yeah to you. The want to be healthy and happy for you right now is stronger than the want to continue in an A that will lead to only more hurt and sadness and confusion. The days get better and you will get stronger, there is life after the A and NC. Best to you!
Author sapphire0903 Posted February 20, 2007 Author Posted February 20, 2007 Thank you everyone............it does help. Mustbcrazy, Keep reading on LS..........I did too, it does give you so many perspectives.....helps in making a decision of when to go NC.......you will know when your ready...... I will keep reading and posting as I go through this,.......I look forward when it becomes easier.
frannie Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Sapphire good luck with this. If he loves his wife then you have most definitely done the right thing here. Keep going with it, and you will soon feel the strength to carry on and have a good life without him. Best wishes.
puddleofmud Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 I am sad for your loss, which is truly a loss for you--so many don't really "get" that this is a very hard thing to do... Just remember that you are turning your back on NO ONE--but are walking forward to a bright and happy future. Many R don't work out; not just those that are extra-marital affairs and one must take to heart that it takes a while for the head to catch up. You are being very courageous to take this step so do keep posting as we are all here to support you. Best wishes and stay true to yourself!
ratingsguy Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 The first few days are the most difficult. I'm on day 18 on NC. Out of all 18 days, today has been one of only two days where I have not broken down. Of course, the day isn't over yet. You need to do this, but you also need to cry in the meantime. It will make you feel better. Just like when someone passes away, you are grieving the loss of something. I miss my MW and you miss your MM... there's no shame in admitting that. You will feel better over time. I applaud the strength that you had to ask for NC. Good luck to you.
hardknocks Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 The first few days of NC ARE the hardest. Your body sends out chemicals when you are in love and when you pull away - your body craves the person you love - it's a form of addiction - which isn't as bad as it sounds, because it's also the reason we stay together. Your body is fighting for no less than the survival of our species! It always helped me just to think of it as normal withdrawal. And it WILL get better with time. It just takes time. (like a bad a*! hang over) So, I was the OM for over 3 years (I can't believe it myself). I broke up with my MW over 6 weeks ago (it has been so long now I stopped counting weeks). In the first few weeks I obsessed about her and us. I obsessed about finding out the reasons 'why' all of this happened to me. I studied EVERYTHING I could find on A's. I bought books, I scoured the internet and I read and posted on LS like crazy. I was going through the stages of mourning - which we all do. And studying was helping me gain acceptance. Now, I am moving on. I still think of her, but I met a new woman. Pretty and young and most of all SINGLE. We hit it off from date 1 and we're having a lot of fun. THIS is better than the bullsh@!t associated with an affair and I am starting to feel NORMAL again. Something I have not felt in a long long long time. I wish you luck..
Author sapphire0903 Posted February 22, 2007 Author Posted February 22, 2007 Hey Guys, I really do appreciate all of the support!! Words of encouragement,.........especially from those who "have been there done that" really do help me. So today is the 3rd day,.........don't feel like my guts are being ripped out, and my heart does not ache so much. So, all in all, .......a little bit better. I try not to think of him, but I cant seem to help it when I dream of him. So I have been waking up really sad.........this is not me,....I am generally a happy person...........for example, today is going to be 72 degrees today,....I love warm weather, I get excited about it.......but not today, I find myself thinking about the things we used to do together when it is nice outside. I cant say I regret meeting him,..........he was the best ....all around. Ugh,..........I am missing him. Hope to get to a point where I can look back at the memories with fondness, instead of sadness. Thanks again everyone!
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