torranceshipman Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Hey guys, Has anyone here ever considered the idea of time out from an A? I don't mean NC although I guess there are similarities. Taking, say, 4 weeks out away from the MM/A, with no objective other than to give you a break from the rollercoaster, and stress, focus on other things, and get maybe a bit more objectivity as you'll be slightly more distanced from the situation...and focusing just on yourself for a while NOT putting the MM first. It wouldn't require any decisions or ultimatums (such as NC/'it's over'/etc) - just a break from the norm - plus I can't help but feel that OW's self esteem takes a huge beating in these situations, and I think it'd help to take time out from that whole side of things. And it makes the situation about you for a change, not about the MM. Just a thought...!
Kenzo Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 I was saying this on another thread...things were getting so intense and it was (of course) the weekend so I was obviously upset, as i usually am, but we couldn't do. We discussed it, we agreed it would be a good thing to just take a break for a "few days" nothing dramatic, no time frame...needless to say it didn't last and I was being the strong one...he last 17 hours...and he was crazy!!
mustbcrazy Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 It's funny you should ask this question because for the past couple of weeks I have been thinking about taking a time-out. I am just not ready for complete NC. We have tried and failed miserably. The thing of it is...I am asking myself, if I took a time-out, would it really be so I could get off the roller-coaster for awhile...or would it be to show my MM what life is like without me? I just wonder if I would spend the whole time wondering, "Is he missing me?" I just don't know. Then, I also think, if I took a time-out and actually gained some strength and perspective during that time, how stupid would it be to jump right back in at the end of the time-out? I don't know what I am going to do. But I am getting close to having to do something. It is good to know that I will have the support from everyone when I finally do decide to make a change.
Kenzo Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 I just wonder if I would spend the whole time wondering, "Is he missing me?" I just don't know. Then, I also think, if I took a time-out and actually gained some strength and perspective during that time, how stupid would it be to jump right back in at the end of the time-out? Exactly the way I feel...sadly, I want him to miss me, the way I miss him all the time, but I can't stand the thought of not talking to him. Just thinking about it makes me miss him. It seems like a waste of energy to go through that pain only to go right back to him and feel so good again. After your time apart and feeling so miserable...
Izzar Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 My feelings on this are that you either stay in the relationship or you get out of it. No in-betweens. In or out that's it. JMO
Kenzo Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 It's so easy to say that...but it's the hardest thing to do, no matter what the circumstances are in the relationship...
Izzar Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Ok, try this. If you're an emotional wreck in the relationship, if you get out of it now the heartache WILL end. If you stay, there will be NO end to the heartache most likely.
Audero Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 I think a time out sounds like a good idea, for several reasons. First, it is a way to get some breathing room, without the feeling of "this is the end". Second, possibly the MM/MW will go along with it, and not pressure the OW/OM for contact, if they don't feel the threat of losing them. And last, because when you are in love & all caught up in the situation, it is hard to think clearly. You're mostly going on feelings. If you can take the time to back away, see the situation from a distance, certain things may become more clear. Extremely hard to do though. People in love want to be with that person, not away from them. It's our gut reaction, our instinct to hang on tightly.
Izzar Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Is Time Out a matter of thinking that time makes the heart grow fonder? It could also work the other way. Out of sight - Out of mind. ? For either the mm or the ow. Just curious.
Audero Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Is Time Out a matter of thinking that time makes the heart grow fonder? It could also work the other way. Out of sight - Out of mind. ? For either the mm or the ow. Just curious. I think a timeout would answer that question, solving some of the original problem. You either realize that you love one another, or realize that it isn't worth it.
NightStarr8 Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 No contact means no communication. A lack of communication is what usually kills relationships. No, I've never considered time outs. If the relationship wasn't working for me, that meant it was time to either start communicating and begin fixing the problems or end the relationship. If I wasn't willing to communicate, that has always been a sign that I wasn't in a relationship that was right for me.
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