Ripples Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 Well, just that your orginal question seemed to be about how to handle contact with her. Well, that seems to be a bit of a non-issue. You can do all the taxes stuff over email and anything else you can be civil without a. getting into a slagging match and b. without encouraging her. Polite but distant, you know the sort of thing. As you don't want to ever be with her again, you don't have to ask her what she's angling for as it's entirely irrelevant to your position in the matter.
81West Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 I'm getting blanked by somebody who had become immensely important to me at the moment and I can tell you it's just about the worst thing in the world. Last communication was a sweet, romantic e-mail followed by nothing but weeks and weeks of dead silence since. It's negatively impacting virtually every aspect of my life with no end in sight if the ongoing tear count is any measure. Like you, I'm big on walking away with dignity even though it hurts like hell and is off the inexplicable meter. But I digress.... I think that contact with her at this point would be pretty counter-productive. I'd tell her that given your long history you understand and may someday share her desire to not have 10 years fall off the face of the earth, but that given the circumstances you've come to realize you don't want the casual contact and that you can't guarantee that you ever will. The least she owes you is for you to come to the same place in your own time, and the right to never get there if that's the way it evolves for you. I'd tell her you share her hope that things will end well, and that you know you will be able to work through the remaining business matters with some ease because she is a basically good person, and that you appreciate that. Her ongoing concern for you means she probably feels some degree of guilt, which she should. It's not your obligation to soothe that guilt in any way - that's her life lesson - but try to recognize it for what it is if you think it's a possibility that's part of what is motivating her attempts at communication. Completely ignoring somebody once they've expressed confusion, concern or distress about it really is not ever the right thing to do in my opinion. Even when they deserve it, or you feel the reason needs no explanation, it's better to take the high road. People are just people, and even the best of all of us are sometimes flawed individuals stumbling around trying to figure stuff out on the fly. It's best to forgive once you are able. If you don't write her, in some ways you're still engaged with the situation she created by writing to you. Whether it's posting on this thread, taking some satisfaction in imagining her squirm, wondering what is the right thing and wanting to do it etc. etc. you're still engaged with it. You don't owe her that as far as I can tell. Write her and be done with it. Once you've given her some kind of clear and concise communication, I'd say you've got every right to ignore everything she sends to you that is of a non-essential nature and continue to get on with your life.
Spinderella Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 i agree 81west. blanking somebody is not good, unless you have already explained your stand and they are not respecting that. being ignored only makes the person more desperate anyway, because they dont have a truth to deal with. so if you really want her out of your life then ignoring her will be the longer way round i think.
Author lovelorcet Posted February 22, 2007 Author Posted February 22, 2007 So... I wrote the ex an email. I answered a few of her questions as to how I am doing and what I am up to. Just short and polite. In the part of her email where she asked me why I hadn't responded to her in months, and that at least more email contact would make her happy, I simply asked; What do you want to talk about? I doubt I will get a reply anytime soon... Seeing as I also waited 5 days to reply...
Ripples Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 Don't you think that responding to personal questions may encourage her to keep emailing? I was thinking more along the lines of "Our relationship as it was, is over so thank you for inquiring about my health/job/etc. but I'm sure you'll understand why I feel it's best to keep the conversations to business".
Author lovelorcet Posted February 22, 2007 Author Posted February 22, 2007 I thought that might be a bit harsh... I dunno I don't like hurting people even if I have every right to. I figured I would ask her what she wants to talk about. If she mentions anything other than business stuff then I will just say I am not interested in that....
Sup Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 LL, did she leave you because she had someone else? I suspect that's it, she wants her "cake" and eat it too.
jnb Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 Why do you feel you need to do anything, your wife walked out on you for another man, you don't owe her anything. If it were me I'd continue to ignore her and go about my life, see her for taxes, divorce court and adios amigos.
Author lovelorcet Posted February 27, 2007 Author Posted February 27, 2007 This is more or less my plan. So I wrote her back and said I am doing fine and asked what does you want to talk about. It's been about a week and I have not heard anything back yet. I think she was just a bit bored and/or lonely when she wrote. I should have just ignored it... :rolleyes: Oh well...
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