SJA Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Hello all. I am not sure if this is the appropriate forum to post this in, but I'll give it a shot. First off, I should make it clear that I since 2002 I was in an off again-on again relationship with someone that officially ended a year-and-a-half ago. I'm not someone who is interested in dating around, so I really haven't been on the look-out for a new relationship since then. I guess I feel a tad rusty in reading men's body language, which is essentially the point of this entire post. I have been attending a Church off-and-on for over a year. I started regularly attending this parish about six months ago and not long after I started attending regularly I was looking to see if the parish had some sort of an offering box since I had missed Mass the prior weekend and was therefore unable to give my offering. As I was looking around, a male parishioner came up to me and offered his help. He took me into the secretary's office where we left the donation on her desk. At this time I had a male friend with me and it is fairly obvious that he and I are nothing more than friends. Afterward I would see this male parishioner (we'll call him Rob) at Mass and he would smile and give me a friendly wink. I soon found out that he was one of the DRE's (Director of Religious Education) there. During the Advent Confession service I had some questions and he was the closest familiar face, so I asked him if he would be willing to help me. At this point I just assumed he was married, though I have no idea why I made that assumption. He started to hand me a pamphlet and then paused because Fr. was preparing to read the Gospel. We stood side-by-side as the Gospel was read and I had the oddest thought strike me; "what if this is the man you could spend the rest of your life standing next to?" To me - now that I re-think the wording - it's not the sort of wording I usually choose. When I thought it, it hit me like a ton of bricks. It instantly dawned on me afterward that I had assumed he was married, so I casually glanced down at his ring finger and there was no ring. After Mass and confession he and I chatted briefly, joked and laughed and then I left. After that he would (again) acknowledge me every time he saw me at Church. Always with a big smile and most often with a friendly wink, as well. Being that he is a DRE, I ask him some of the questions I have pertaining to Mass and other parish activities. Most of these conversations were only about five minutes in length, though I did notice that he would usually touch or sometimes pat me on the lower arm/elbow region when we were talking. A couple of weeks ago we ended up talking for about ten or fifteen minutes about how we both had an awful habit of purchasing new books even though we had stacks of unread books at our homes. Our conversations always result in us joking and laughing. I offered to let him borrow a specific book of mine that we had been talking about and he acted pretty excited that I put the offer on the table. He raised his eyebrows and said "Really? I'd love to read it; that would be great!" Last week I brought the book to Church for him and he was friendly again - big smile, wink and thanked me for the book. About forty minutes later, he got my attention again and thanked me for the book again. He almost always acknowledges me before I acknowledge him and he goes out of his way to shake my hand during the peace offering - sometimes leaning over two pews to shake my hand. Now here's the biggie: There is a seventeen year age difference between he and I. However, he doesn't seem to let this affect the way he treats me. I also spoke with my parish priest about the age difference and my priest told me he did not believe the age difference was a problem. I'm just confused. First off, I'm confused about my own feelings for him. I love spending time with him - so much so that I am perfectly content if he and I were to just maintain a friendly relationship. However, no matter how much I try to stop it, every time I see him I seem to fall a little more. I had even told myself I would just try to avoid him, which I basically did for the latter half of December and part of January because I didn't want to be interested in this man. It just continued to grow, though, and one day during Mass I was praying about it and I just felt like I should talk to him. I didn't even know what I would talk to him about, but when we started talking it all came so naturally. I had resigned myself to the fact that I would not meet a man at my parish because most of the parishioners are either married or elderly. This really didn't bother me, seeing as I don't consider Church to be a "pick-up" spot, though I will say that in our area there are so few Catholics that Mass is just about the only way you will find other available, devout Catholics. There are two other parishes I could attend if I was looking for someone, but this parish is the one that "fits" me and feels like home as soon as I walk in. It's just odd because I was not initially attracted to this man, but after getting to know him and spending some time with him, I am attracted to him both physically and spiritually. Trust me, my feelings for this man are no where near impure. I cannot describe how I feel about him. I admire how devout he is in his faith and how he seems to give up most of his life for his work in the parish. I also respect how he interacts with the children of the parish and purposely stays youthful for their benefit. I have spent half of December, all of January, and half of Feb. praying about this and I keep receiving "time" and "trust" as my answer, so I'm really not worried about the situation. I know that I am not going to make him aware that I am interested in him because I believe that if there IS something more to this, God will allow it to develop in a natural, pure fashion. The point is: winking, arm touching, making sure to acknowledge me, etc. What does this mean in Catholic courtship? Does this mean he's just a friendly guy or does it mean he may be interested? To be honest, I'm awful at judging "body language" and/or reading between the lines when it comes to situations like this.
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