LosingIt Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 ...this was made clear to me when we met almost a year ago. He lives a mile down the street and she regularly finds a reason to be there without me...particularly when drinking and I'm not around. She meets him for lunch regularly. She tried to get him a job at her small office...so basically he'd be seeing more of her than I would. I told her NOT to do this...she listened. She used to go ON and ON about their past almost daily...but has curtailed that since I've told her it's really annoying. (duh) When HE gets drunk he regularly tells me he loves her....loves how she does this..does that...such a great girl....etc. When she was "looking for work" it turned out she was spending much of her time helping him remodel his house during the day while our chores piled up. He called and asked her go to home depot (my truck) to get him sheets of drywall and a shower enclosure. Read: Very heavy...big. No problem! I have a hard time motivating her to return a movie for me at blockbuster. She insists that I just have to trust her. She's gotta have the ex around but nothing is going on. Last night we were at a friends house and we both agreed we were going home to fool around. (yeah!) I left 15 minutes after her only to find her just arriving...she had to stop by the ex's. She said she "doesn't know" why she went there. I was absolutely livid after going through this for months. It's pretty much the only thing we fight about that we can't seem to fix. Can someone please tell me if I'm being unreasonable? or just paranoid? Is it too much to ask her to forget this guy? We are the future. He is the past. Thanks. -Chris
Star Gazer Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Can someone please tell me if I'm being unreasonable? or just paranoid? Is it too much to ask her to forget this guy? We are the future. He is the past. While I do believe it's too much to ask to ask her to forget him completely, I don't think you're being unreasonable in really, really, really not liking what your GF is up to. What are her reasons for justifying this?
Guest Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 I think the answer is quite obvious your gf still has feelings for her ex thats the reason she feels the need to have him around she's not over him and she can't let go, ask yourself why she's going the extra mile for him and not for you? I hate to be so blunt but the answer is quite clear there are still some unresolved feelings.
Author LosingIt Posted February 20, 2007 Author Posted February 20, 2007 I've only mentioned the bad. She is SO great aside from this Ex thing we've decided to get married next year....and I'm a guy who's been dodging commitments for years. : ) She usually justifies it with...hmm. Typically something like: Why would that both you? or: I didn't think about it. or: That wouldn't bother me. It seems that she completely lacks the ability to see how what she is doing hurts me. She doesn't think it's a problem. She's been doing progressively better with everything in our relationship. But she just can't stop with this Ex thing. About once a week she's over there again or getting overly involved in his affairs as the expense of ours. Thanks for the reply...I AM losing it!
bubbalump Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Call up an old ex, go to Home Depot with her pick up some supplies, see how the ex reacts....see if "it really wouldnt bother her".
Guest Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 At the very least when drinking the truth serum her EX is TELLING you he loves her. So there are feelings at least on his side. If she does care about him the best thing she can do is remove him from her life so he can move on. There are reg flags all over the place here I'm sorry to say. Its bothering you enough to post about it but then you backtracked in your 2nd post. Think long and hard before you decide to get married. If your guts speaking to you then listen to it.
taylor Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 1. She still has unresolved feelings for her ex. She still wants to be near him, possibly with him. 2. There is something "missing" in your relationship with her that he is able to provide her with. 3. I wouldn't think about marrying her right now. You don't want to marry a girl who can't give you 100 percent of her love, time and devotion. I am sorry if these statements seem harsh. I don't mean to hurt you. I just hate to see someone "settle" for less than what he deserves or get his heart broken because he didn't "see" reality for what it is.
Audero Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 While I know it is entirely possible to remain friends with an ex, and have no love type feelings for that person, the things you posted disturb me. It sounds as if she goes out of her way for him, and not you. It also seems, from your side of the story, as if she wants to see him, without you around. I would be suspicious myself.
Recommended Posts