behold_a_lady Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 I like this guy I met off of Myspace. He is sweet, cute and quirky:p . We have a lot in common Our first date was all of that and then some. second date was cool third date was great...then later on that night. SEX!!!! I honestly think I might have seriously ****ed things up as far as letting us get closer before sex came into play. I really like him and the chemistry is on point. I truly enjoy his company ..However I haven't had sex since 06 and I was EXTREMELY horny. My urges were out of control and I could not control myself. He knew just where to touch, kiss, caress, etc... sex was ok, not mind blowing but I'm stable. I dont like calling him (b/c I could come off as needy or stalkerish) but I end up doing that anyways.So he may think I'm pushy(or what i mentioned before) I honestly think that me and this guy aren't going to last, maybe as friends, but nothing more. I know he wanted sex, and I wanted sex, but I wasn't sure how soon he wanted it. Now b/c we had sex, the cloud of uncertainty is hovering overhead. On various other love/dating forums ppl have said that the third date is guaranteed ass so it's expected, or if a girl ****s on the 3rd date she's a hoe, or if a girl ****s on the 3rd date the relationship is headed downhill. But on the other hand there's the minority that say if the chemistry is there, do it. to hell w/ the repacussions(sp)...some have gotten married afterwards. I'm not looking for a hug or woo-woo-woo's I just want to see if there is any thing I can do to get things in prespective. What say you all? -B.a.L.
Kamille Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 The first thing to do is not to panic. The best way to do that is to not focus on the 'oh no! i might have messed up' feeling. Right now, that would make you feel vulnerable and nothing is more of a guy repellant then a woman who was great, confident and sexy up until the point he had sex with her, after which she suddenly turned into a nervous ball of insecurity. You both had sex and you both enjoyed it. you had sex because you wanted to. I'm assuming the chemistry was there. Think of what led up to the act. Did you have a great date? Focus on how sexy you felt, how confident perhaps. Don't lose that feeling. And fight feeling vulnerable. Let him initiate the next contact (which will give you some reassurance that he is still into you). In the meantime, go out have fun. Be it with friends, doing an activity you really like or finally going out doing something you've always wanted to do but never did (like, in my case, snowboarding). Oh yeah - and try not to think of it as a mishap... Don't feel like you 'lost control' of the situation because you had sex. You are still a great catch, right?
Kamille Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Big mistake. Big. Huge. lol. right, that's helpful. ps: I used to have one night stands except they never really were one night stands for the simple reason that guys would never dump me for having sex with them early on. Now you can either feel remorseful or own up to acting upon your own sexual desires. Owning up to sexual desires, guys understand. Hell, it even makes them feel manly. Remorse, guys can't deal with. best of luck.
Author behold_a_lady Posted February 20, 2007 Author Posted February 20, 2007 Thanks Kamille! Your response was very helpful. Star gazer not so much...but thanks anyways
moman Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 If it helps you, I had sex on the third date with a girl I wanted really bad from the first date. We were together for 1 1/2 years, and it only feel apart because she became too needy. Went out with a girl in December who was willing to put out on the first date. I turned her down, then on the third date she "lets just go back to your place and have sex". I did it, and we don't talk anymore. The challenge was gone and whatever interest I had in her evaporated in that single comment.
Star Gazer Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 Star gazer not so much...but thanks anyways You asked if you made a mistake, I answered you. If you're looking for someone to bend over and agree with every decision you make, I'd suggest you refrain from posting on a public forum.
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 On our third date, my boyfriend got a kiss on the cheek! (Hugs ended the two dates before that) Sex came on the seventh date, but I wouldn't say you ruined anything just because you had sex on the third date. What might ruin it though, is what you do now after the fact. Play it cool and don't hound with him phone calls. I think it will be okay!
tanbark813 Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 If he's into you it won't matter. If you don't hear from him then he just wanted ass.
johan Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 If you're looking for someone to bend over and agree with every decision you make... That's I'm looking for. At least for a short time. A woman, of course.
glitzy55 Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 I dunno but if its someone I like I don't wanna wait 3 months or 12 dates or watever specific timeline there is these days to know wether or not im sexually compatable with a person or not. Now there's also some instances where u and the other person both know its just gonna be sex and thats it.
Author behold_a_lady Posted February 21, 2007 Author Posted February 21, 2007 I'm not looking for a hug or woo-woo-woo's I just want to see if there is any thing I can do to get things in prespective. What say you all? You asked if you made a mistake, I answered you. If you're looking for someone to bend over and agree with every decision you make, I'd suggest you refrain from posting on a public forum. where do you see me asking if I made a mistake??? by the way I know how to recieve advice so don't get it twisted sweetheart. It's all good though. like I said before thanks anyways.
sweetie91589 Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 to be completely honest..its not always that big of a deal..you'll know ..i mean think about it..you did it because you were horney right?? sooo u got soemthign out of it! Not like u sacrificed urself to get him to like you more, you did it for you. Now..if the sex was pretty good and he DID like you before hand..its prob not going to make thattt much of a difference to him--However if he didn't already have some feelings for you..he may not want to persue a relationship with you, but that doesn't mean he wont still call--just watch out he doesn't make you into his booty call. But hey--on the bright side..its ONLY the 3d date sooo its not the end of the world if things dont work out--of course its dissapointing but wouldn't you rather know now than like 2 or 3 weeks from now if you waited til then to have sex?? Hope this helps somewhat!
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