Your Thoughts ...

[Mychelle]

I am so glad that I found this forum. I was involved in a long distance relationship that lasted for two years. From the very beginning there was an instant "click". This click wasn't just physical but it was also emotional.

 

For all of those two years, things were great. We would trade weekends in going to each other houses, talk on the phone often (never running out of anything to say) and making plans for what was going to be our future.

 

My family and friends adored him and his of me. There were times when his mother would ask him "What would Mychelle think?" when he was talking to her about something. At times he said that maybe he put me on to high of a pedal stool (pardon my spelling) to his Mom.

 

About one month ago .... Now keep in mind the distance, weather and income to travel wasn't being favorable in us seeing each other that month. Like I would usually do, I tried calling him ... but didn't get an answer. I left a message asking that he call to let me know that he was alright. I never heard anything .... this went on for a full day. Needless to say in a text message I received word that he destroyed our relationship.

 

For a couple of days on end he still would not return my calls - he simply would not communicate with me. Being totally at a loss, I called crying, leaving lengthy messages ... not understanding what was going on at his end. Even though miles separated us ... I knew his schedule like the back of my hand and I proceeded to take a day off of work to travel to his town to find out what was going on.

 

Like two calm, rational adults ... we talked. I found out that he did cheat on me. During this time I also found out that he didn't know what he wanted ... be it me or this other woman. I told him that when I left ... I was no longer an option. The talk went so well, that I called him on my way home to thank him for that.

 

This has left the line of communication open and he still calls. I still want to hear from him. There was a time when I told him that he needed to not think of me as part of the equation, but to decide what he truly wants and needs. I just wanted him to be happy. Since then I have only ever asked once if he decided what he wanted.

 

During some of these calls he drops signs that it might be me that he would want or he will ask if I have found a new boyfriend or had an intimate encounter with another. I have told him that he has no right to ask such questions. Yet, add ... if you think that I can just turn on and off feelings like that ... you never really knew me at all.

 

Each time he does call the conversation ends with him saying ... I'll call you at this time. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. When he doesn't - those waves of emotions roll over me and it hurts. It still reminds me that I am very much in love with him.

 

I have added things to my daily schedule to make myself busier. Even took up walking at lunch to clear my mind! I just wonder what your thoughts are on why he is doing this? How long do I allow this to go on before I stop all communication? Can you truly trust someone again who has betrayed the confidence of an intimate relationship? Is a friendship possible?

 

In advance - I appreciate your responses.

 

Mychelle

[ratingsguy]

First of all, welcome to the forum! I hope you find it helpful.

 

I just wonder what your thoughts are on why he is doing this?

 

He's doing this because he doesn't know what he wants. Or he DOES know what he wants, but is just being selfish. Plus I'm thinking that the distance is a factor. I've never been sold on LDRs, and the farther away you are from one another the more difficult it is. They tell you in the real estate business to avoid being an "out of town landlord" (meaning you own property somewhere not near where you live) because it will inevitably cause problems. I think this rule should apply double if not triple to a romantic relationship. Just MHO of course.

 

How long do I allow this to go on before I stop all communication?

 

That's up to you. You probably don't want to hear this, but I think the sooner the better. I think that this R is doomed for a couple different reasons. So the sooner you move on, and the less contact you have, the less grieving that will have to be done.

 

Can you truly trust someone again who has betrayed the confidence of an intimate relationship?

 

With a lot of work, I think you can. However, again, I see the distance as an obstacle... and now it's a bigger one consider what he has done to you.

 

Is a friendship possible?

 

Yes, but not now. When you're able to honestly say that you don't love him, only then will you be able to work on being friends. You can't be friends with someone you love. You just can't.

 

Good luck to you, and feel free to post as much as you like!