TJ07 Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 I am looking for opinions from an outsiders point of view. Let me set the stage for you. My ex-girlfriend and I dated for 1 1/2 years, the relationship was awesome. We spent every single day together and never had any serious arguments. We got along great, and enjoyed each others company. We got along with each others families great also. It seemed like everything was meant to be. Then she took a new job working in a bar and that is where everything changed. All of a sudden it went from wanting to spend all her free time with me to hardly seeing each other at all. Then about 5 months after taking the job, she said she wanted to be single for a while and hang out and party with her friends. Needless to say, I was crushed. After that day, she called me one time about a month later. We talked for about 5 minutes, mostly minor chit-chat. Then she says her mom was on the other line and would call me right back. She never did. Anyway, thanksgiving goes by and no word from her. Then christmas came and I decided to send her a text message wishing her a merry christmas and happy new year, she responded saying the same. Then no word from her again before I contacted her 2 weeks later just saying hi, seeing what she was up to, and how she had been. We talked for a while having a nice friendly conversation. I left things with her saying I hope she felt free to call or text me anytime. She responded by saying, ok, I will. Guess what, I never heard from her. Then a couple of weeks ago I was talking to one of her friends and she told me that she had been seeing someone, but he turned out to be a jerk and they broke up. About a week later, I ran into her in the mall, she said hi, gave me a hug talked for a bit, and then she says we should get together sometime. I said yeah, that would be great. Then on valentines day, I logged on to AIM and she was on there. She sends me a message saying hey whats up... yada yada yada, and tells me how she might be getting a new job and quitting the bar.Then she wished me a happy valentines day. Now we have plans to meet for lunch on thursday. Now I apologize about all the details but I felt they were important. So here is where I stand, I still care about this girl, I had never stopped, but at the same time, I was hurt, so now I am a little nervous about letting her back into my life. I would be interested in trying things again, but this time taking it slower. On the other hand, I also would like to be friends with her if that is all that she wants. I wanted to know what anyone thinks it is she wants. Is it friendship? Or dating? Thanks for any insight.
SassyNClassy Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 You won't know the real answers to your questions until you ask her. However, I would say that it looks like the grass wasn't greener for her. If she actualy wants to try a relationship with you again I sure wouldn't throw the doors of welcome open for her. Remember, she could just be wanting to catch up and see what you've been up to lately though. So, don't get your hopes up too high. How long have you guys been broken up for?
Author TJ07 Posted February 20, 2007 Author Posted February 20, 2007 it has been 4 1/2 months since she said it was over.
Krytellan Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Or maybe the reason she broke it off was because she wanted to "explore". And having "explored" enough men while being separated, she's ready for a relationship again. If that's the case, she will have been playing you like a fiddle. Just a possibility... hope it's not true. Go see her. See what's up. Don't go into it as anythingmore than friends because otherwise you may get crushed. Find out what the break-up provided her if you get to it.
Author TJ07 Posted February 20, 2007 Author Posted February 20, 2007 we talked again online last night. I asked her if she was seeing anyone, she said no, then asked me my situation. I told wasn't seeing anyone either. Then I asked her why she wasn't dating other people, she said working in a bar, she sees some pretty messed up things. Says guys are nothing but trouble, joking around. It seems like things are on just a friends level, but how do I know for sure? Is it possible that I am reading this wrong? Does it sound like she just wants a friendship with me? She I still call her on thursday to meet for lunch? Thanks again for the advice.
Topper Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 TJ07, i had a very similar situation to yours many years ago. I met someone and we just hit it off from day one. We were seeing each other for almost a year talking about moving in together and maybe even marriage down the line. Debra got laid off from her job and took a job as a cocktail server in an up scale bar. In a few months she started acting different. It did not take long to figure out she was seeing someone from the bar. I was devastated. We broke up and I did not hear from her for almost 6 months. She calls and just wants to talk. I find out from friends that the guy she had been seeing dumped her. It took about another 6 months for us to get back together. In the long run it did not work out. About a year later we parted ways for good. For a lot of attractive woman working in a bar can go to their heads they will get a lot of attention from men. It can change them. keep an open mind but guard your heart. In the time the two of you have been away from each other both of you ave changed to some degree.
Author TJ07 Posted February 21, 2007 Author Posted February 21, 2007 Thanks for the advice topper. Let me ask you this, she has told me about a new job opportunity she has, and talking about quitting the bar entirely. Do you think that she is serious about this, or is it just talk to keep me interested in her?
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