paloma Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Hey It's been 5 months since the break-up now. i haven't seen my ex (were together 2,5 years) after he broke up with me. I spoke to him twice and a few emails... I have been going trough different stages the past months, but lately I am feeling very lonely. I don't think I specifically miss my ex anymore, but i miss the closeness you have when you're a couple. I have been really grumpy and not nice to my friends and family, I feel so angry for some reason. Also, I keep thinking of things I could have done differently in our relationship. I don't really know what would be good to do next in order to move on or to not feel so lonely anymore. It's weird because I used to get along fine on my own... Oh, and I am surrounded by friends/family a lot and keep myself busy with work/studies/sports etc.... What else can I do???? Maybe there's someone who feels the same way right now? Let me know! paloma
fatty Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 Hey, I know how you feel. It has been 2 years since my breakup and miss the closseness, cudling all that stuff. I hit my lows alot and feel lonely all the time. But now is the time when you get to yoruself and treat yourself like that. Try this, this friday I want you to get ready. Where the best dress/outfit you have and take yourself out on a date. Go to your favourite restaurant and order your favorite dish. This is a tough time, and it hurts to be alone. This will show you that it is ok to be alone and you can have while you are alone. At first you will feel like a loser but trust me, when you come back home you will feel alot better. Go spend some time on yourself and invest some love and energy on you. I send you a big HUG, cause we can both break through this loneliness.
hrtbroken99 Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 Hi...it's going to be three months for me for the breakup. My ex and I were also together for 2.5 years. I have not heard from him once since the breakup and also have not contacted him. At least you were able to speak and hear a few email response....I still wonder what he is doing right now...maybe any minute he will call me..email me...but no...nothing happens... he just kicked me out of his life with a vague phone call that lasted 2 minutes....I must say I am doing a lot better now than before..that past couple months I have been going through some tough stages...like many...from crying day and night every day....I went to crying three times and week...to now about once a week...well I guess I have improved...I still DO miss my ex like crazy and think about him day and night and I hate that I wish there was a way to erase him out of my mind...if anyone figures that out PLEASE DO SHARE!! I am sorry you are feeling lonely...I also miss the closeness of being in a couple...just the little things like having someone to cuddle with, a quick peck on the lips, or someone to eat dinner with instead of just yourself....I also constantly think of things I could have done different...I think many people go through that phase where they try to go back and see where they could have changed something around...I was depressed, angry, sad, and devastated when the breakup intially happened...by the second month I couldnt take it and starting to meet with a therapist...I also have surrounded myself with family and friends and a list of things to do but sometimes that doesnt cut it...I have beena little better since I starting meeting with the therapist.....at least my crying has gone down from 4x a week to once a week. I really don't have much to say but talking to a professional has been workign for me and maybe that maybe something you might want to consider? Best of luck with what you do...and remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Jinxx Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 Oh, and I am surrounded by friends/family a lot and keep myself busy with work/studies/sports etc.... What else can I do???? Maybe there's someone who feels the same way right now? Let me know! You keep doing what you're doing and add to it if need be. I'm right there with you. I'm in my 6th month of leaving my marriage. Has it been easy? At times -- hell no. Another thing you can do is take up a different sport or activity that you have always wanted to try but never have. Do you belong to a gym? That is another great escape. Another thing I did is take on a second job. For the last twenty-one years I have had a very fulfilling career that I commute daily too. When my town recently opened up a new sporting goods store, I applied for part time work -- not really thinking they'd hire me. Much to my delight, I was hired on the spot. Not only does it give me a little extra income but it alows me to meet new people in an environment I thoroughly enjoy. As hard as it is for you now, you will eventually get through this rough patch in your life. It does get better.
Green Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 true lonlyness is the worst pain u can ever go through
thatmatt Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 I feel you guys. And paloma, I definitly relate to what you mean when you say you look back and think of things you could have done better. I keep myself busy as well, but still miss that intimate connection and relationship, espcially when all my close friends are in relationships, it does make me miss that. Fatty is completely right, go out and do something! You kind of have to force yourself to exude confidence, whether it's the way you walk down the street, or being able to relax and enjoy a meal in a restraunt by yourself. I've found that for me, talking to someone professionally has helped too. Sometimes it's really just nice to have a conversation with somebody, especially if you're like me and you are a bit shy when it comes to beginning converstations with strangers.
aaaaaiiiiieeeee Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 It's only been 2 months for me out of a 3 year marriage/6 year relaitonship. I've been on a few dates, but it's only been to reconnect with the world. It gets better and easier with time. Even though you say you don't miss your ex anymore, he's still affecting you given the anger you feel and the thoughts running through your head. Give it enough time until you just feel indifferent towards him and work on being happy by yourself.
lonelybird Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 I have a different view about "concentrate on yourself". I think the more we concentrate on ourselves, the more lonely we feel. because "concentrate on self" is self serving, seeking self benefit or improving self while we don't exactly know how to improve ourselves as a mature person, only God knows. When we connect with God spiritual, God will change us little by little. By no mean I mean deny self or remove any fun out from life, but when we connect with the God spiritually or universe, we can have a better vision for life, those fun and joy naturally would add to you in a profound way. We cannot change our circumstances around us, but we can change our perspectives to circumstances. If we look ourselves as child of God (which is true), or spark of divine, then we would feel we are part of bigger purpose, bigger something, part of universe, not isolate someone who seek mainly self benefit. If people switch 'toward self' to 'from self', people would be more happy and peaceful. and interaction with others and relationships would improve too. but we cannot give something we don't have ourselves, we must take love from God, and give others. people, a man, or a woman never can be that unchanging source of love, only God can. hope this make sense.
Author paloma Posted February 24, 2007 Author Posted February 24, 2007 Hey! Thanks for the advise. I think I do need to spend more quality time on my own... Maybe getting help from a professional would help as well. But I still really feel like phoning my ex, weird isn't it? Maybe because sometimes it still feels surreal, because I haven't seen him anymore since. I think I'm just looking for a quick solution where there isn't one. The last two times I contacted my ex, I felt horrible afterwards. I don't regret the times I phoned him, but only because it made me realize I wasn't over him at all and that he really wanted it to be over. But I would like to talk about everyday stuff with him, just short conversations. But it would always be difficult wouldn't it, especially because he can't handle the emotional bond we still have. So it would only be possible when we're over each other..... So annoying....
Spinderella Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 ugh lonely, me too! i felt fine before on my own too. i have been lonelier than this aswell, with nobody around at all who i knew for a long time, yet i don't remember ever feeling so lonely as i do now. perhaps i did but have forgotten. life seems so much sweeter when you have somebody to love you through it, and the comparison seems bleak. i'm sure though that given enough time we will all get comfortable being alone again.
Ariadne Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 What else can I do???? Just get yourself some guy that really likes you. (as long as he is ok with you not being in love with him etc) Ariadne
Spinderella Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 I think I'm just looking for a quick solution where there isn't one. The last two times I contacted my ex, I felt horrible afterwards. me too. i was the one who ended things and i have been guilty of contacting for a quick fix even though i know that the relationship wasn't right. i also felt horrible afterwards, mainly because i felt weak. i think its easy when you are with somebody to forget the inner strength that sees us through the tough times because the other person is there to turn to. just have to find that inner strength again. wierd how you forget it even when you have been alone for years before the relationship.
scubafish Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Paloma, I hurt for you as well. My hsuband of 18years left 6 weeks ago, and I feel so alone right now, I am not sure I can handle it. I cannot remember my life without him, and this makes it even harder. but I can say that reading through alot of these posts on LS have made it a bit easier, knowing that others have been where I am at, and survived. At least it sounds like you trying to take care of yourself, and that is good.
Author paloma Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 What else can I do???? Just get yourself some guy that really likes you. (as long as he is ok with you not being in love with him etc) Ariadne Hey Ariadne Yes, well I thought about doing that. There is a guy who liked me when I was still together with my ex, he is a good friend also. After the break up he seemed really keen and stuff. At first I kept distance because I wasn't ready. But when I saw him again after some time I realized I had some feelings for him too, he makes me happy and I miss him. The thing is I am scared that he likes me more then I like him. Lately he has been distant to me, something he has never done before. Why? I should open up to him, shouldn't I? I am just so scared to do that. 1. Because I don't want to hurt him or ruine our friendship and 2. Because I am scared looking like a fool, we have NEVER spoken about our feelings for each other. I send him an email once, with a vague explanation why I was being distant and never got a reply. x
Author paloma Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 Paloma, I hurt for you as well. My hsuband of 18years left 6 weeks ago, and I feel so alone right now, I am not sure I can handle it. I cannot remember my life without him, and this makes it even harder. but I can say that reading through alot of these posts on LS have made it a bit easier, knowing that others have been where I am at, and survived. At least it sounds like you trying to take care of yourself, and that is good. That must be really difficult! I am so sorry for you! At first it really seems like you will never be happy again for the rest of your life. But I think being so heartbroken does mean that you're able to love. I find this connection between two people something incredibly beautiful. So; of course it is very hard to let go of someone. It is good to have other people around you to help. And also to realize that you can make it on your own even though it doesn't seem that way at times.
ratingsguy Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 What you're going through is completely normal. I agree with everyone else that you need to get out there and do things... even if it's by yourself. I'm on three weeks of NC right now. In that time, I got a part-time job as a radio DJ, joined a gym, and last night went out on a date (and it went really well). Point is, that in only 3 weeks, I have begun to realize that life does indeed go on. Do I miss my ex? Of course! But it does you no good to be lonely at home. Spend time with friends and family. Cry if you need to... but definately get out there.
In Sync Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Hey It's been 5 months since the break-up now. i haven't seen my ex (were together 2,5 years) after he broke up with me. I spoke to him twice and a few emails... I have been going trough different stages the past months, but lately I am feeling very lonely. I don't think I specifically miss my ex anymore, but i miss the closeness you have when you're a couple. I have been really grumpy and not nice to my friends and family, I feel so angry for some reason. Also, I keep thinking of things I could have done differently in our relationship. I don't really know what would be good to do next in order to move on or to not feel so lonely anymore. It's weird because I used to get along fine on my own... Oh, and I am surrounded by friends/family a lot and keep myself busy with work/studies/sports etc.... What else can I do???? Maybe there's someone who feels the same way right now? Let me know! paloma It's been over a year and a half since starting down the to really getting to a point where I am living and put the ex behind me. Lonely and feelings of loneliness are necessary. Because trying to avoid it IS exactly what makes us gravitate towards relationships or keeps us staying in relationships we shouldn't be in...If we weren't so afraid of feelings of loneliness and learn to not think of it as a signal of we are unloved or whatever negative image we have connected to lonely and loneliness we would see it as simply time getting to know who we are. Seeking out a replacement to fill the void, we use others to escape wanting to be with ourselves. I too had feelings like I'm lonely and really wanted to replace the void...and lately it's really ok just being with me. I am not poo-pooing on finding love but I mad my mistake in being with my ex (unhelathy relationship and all) I think primarily because I equated feeling lonely as bad. There's a difference between being alone or a hermit and /or a recluse. I won't whither because there's no man...I trust it will happen so yeah I do things for the sheer pleasure they give me and not because it is passing time. I hope I'm making sense!
Author paloma Posted March 1, 2007 Author Posted March 1, 2007 It's been over a year and a half since starting down the to really getting to a point where I am living and put the ex behind me. Lonely and feelings of loneliness are necessary. Because trying to avoid it IS exactly what makes us gravitate towards relationships or keeps us staying in relationships we shouldn't be in...If we weren't so afraid of feelings of loneliness and learn to not think of it as a signal of we are unloved or whatever negative image we have connected to lonely and loneliness we would see it as simply time getting to know who we are. Seeking out a replacement to fill the void, we use others to escape wanting to be with ourselves. I too had feelings like I'm lonely and really wanted to replace the void...and lately it's really ok just being with me. I am not poo-pooing on finding love but I mad my mistake in being with my ex (unhelathy relationship and all) I think primarily because I equated feeling lonely as bad. There's a difference between being alone or a hermit and /or a recluse. I won't whither because there's no man...I trust it will happen so yeah I do things for the sheer pleasure they give me and not because it is passing time. I hope I'm making sense! I think that's really nice for you. Partly I agree: i do attach a negative meaning to being lonely. But for me though, I really need more time. I really miss not having someone who is so close to you and you can share everything with. Since this relationship I have felt deep loneliness for the first time. It's because a piece of your heart is with the other person. You get attached to someone and when they are not there no matter what you do, something is always missing and something keeps itching. So I think I am searching for replacement, because I want to get that feeling back. Which is not possible of course, because it is something I shared with my ex. x
In Sync Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 I think that's really nice for you. Partly I agree: i do attach a negative meaning to being lonely. But for me though, I really need more time. I really miss not having someone who is so close to you and you can share everything with. Since this relationship I have felt deep loneliness for the first time. It's because a piece of your heart is with the other person. You get attached to someone and when they are not there no matter what you do, something is always missing and something keeps itching. So I think I am searching for replacement, because I want to get that feeling back. Which is not possible of course, because it is something I shared with my ex. x I reread my prior post and though I tried to explain my feelings on how we may label loneliness and feelings of being lonely...at the risk of contradicting myself I do of course understand how it is natural to feel deep loneliness after the breakup of someone you were emotionally connecte too. The truth is even if and when you eventually meet a new love...I think that lonely feeling connected to the ex will always be there. it fades but that space that that particular ex-love occupied can't be filled by another. time heals but it doesn't wipe away the memory completely as if the relatinship never happened...still it doesn't mean we are doomed be in that lonely place for them forever. the positive thing about feelings of loneliness is that is does motivate you if you accept it. it implants the hope of moving forward. Ok..I'm lonely but I can do this for myself...even if it diverts ones attention from the feeling its doing something to progress forward...
Trialbyfire Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 Ouch, this thread does drive it home. No matter what a jerk your ex was, you still feel the loss and miss the intense connection. Beyond the fact that he was poison for me, we connected on so many levels. Too bad it was only a dream of what might have been.
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