brokenhart2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 My roommate is also my best friend, and a male..since living together, we've had a few conflicts...he grew aware that I was becoming jealous of all the girls calling him ,etc...he was also aware of when I recently started to get depressed due to lack of affection in my life...our friendship goes back and forth from close to far apart and back again. For once, his kids weren't with us this weekend, so it was nice to have the place quiet and to ourselves. Sat. night, he said he was going out to see some girl...I bluntly stated I was jealous, in a joking way although serious..meaning I was jealous that he had somebody and I didn't. I was bumming about being alone on a Sat. night. He returned pretty shortly after (apparently he had no success with the girl) and said "well, we're in the same boat". He wanted to watch movies and hang out with me. Then he started saying "WE should do this, and WE should do that," talking about things we should do together...like snow skiing, for example. References to the future. We kept looking at each other and smiling. Alone on the couch. I wanted badly to snuggle up to him, but I don't have the balls...don't know if he wanted it or not. I hugged him before he went to bed, and those few seconds in his arms were nice. Normally on a Sat. night I would go out drinking or whatever. But I've actually come to feel that I would rather be watching movies with him at home. I just can't seem to figure out how to make it romantic between us without looking like an idiot. Years ago, we would joke about getting married if we didn't marry anyone else, etc..how do I make it go from a joke to reality? Am I wrong to assume that Sat. night was a sign that he wants to be with me too?
Star Gazer Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 I would be careful about reading into his "we-talk." I have had 3 male roommates, and WE always talked about what WE should do together - whether it be plan a party, BBQ some steaks, play pool, go get some beers, pay the rent, move, etc. I think you're lonely and wanting companionship, and think/hope you've found it in the room next door. Tread carefully. That said, if something does progress between the two of you, one of you really should move out so your relationship can progress naturally.
Author brokenhart2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Author Posted February 19, 2007 ...when we first moved in together, he also suggested that "we" get a house...a little far fetched from drinking beers or playing pool...I kept blowing off the topic though, since I didn't know what he meant by it...and he stopped bringing it up. But now all of a sudden, he's excited with this "we" stuff again. It's been quite a while since he suggested that "we" do anything...it just feels like we want to get closer and I don't know what to do about it, and yes maybe I want companionship and i am lonely, but STILL even though I care for the man very much, I'm very afraid of the chance that if we hook up, only for it to turn out that it was all out of convenience. I am VERY scared of that happening because we've been friends for 10 years. However, I'm not too scared to find out what it's like to kiss him, or be intimate with him...
norajane Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 This is not the kind of relationship you can start off with sex and hope it becomes something. It sounds like you don't know how to communicate with each other. He brings things up, you blow them off, then you sit around wondering what he's thinking. If you've been friends for 10 years, you ought to be able to TALK to each other. Tell him how you feel. Ask him how he feels. TALK to him.
Author brokenhart2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Author Posted February 19, 2007 This is not the kind of relationship you can start off with sex and hope it becomes something. It sounds like you don't know how to communicate with each other. He brings things up, you blow them off, then you sit around wondering what he's thinking. If you've been friends for 10 years, you ought to be able to TALK to each other. Tell him how you feel. Ask him how he feels. TALK to him. You hit the jackpot, norajane! We don't talk because of ME. I yearn for the physical contact yet I'm scared to death of talking about feelings..cuz guys hate that, from what I know...I've put up a wall between us more than once, actually many times in all the years I've known him. When I had feelings for him once several years ago..he knew but not because I talked to him about it. It's never been discussed since (yet again because of me)... Maybe the truth lies in what happened way back then we he knew I had feelings for him but never talked face to face with him about it. I don't even know why I come here sometimes because I already the solution, which is to tell him how I feel about him and see how he feels about me...I can't just keep going by his actions, which are slightly suggestive, not majorly.
norajane Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 As your friend of 10 years, as your best friend, he is not going to laugh at you or think you are an idiot if you share your feelings. At worst, he might not return your feelings, or he might not be ready or whatever. But, you're his friend and he really sounds like a decent guy - he's not going to make you feel bad. Sure, guys aren't usually big on talking about feelings, but that's a problem later in a relationship, when she wants to know if he luuuuuvs her after she said I love you 3 dozen times already without hearing it back, or she's mad about something, or she's wondering if he's ever going to commit...do you see what I mean? In the beginning of a relationship, there's no reason for a guy to be afraid of talking, because there's no reason to be tense. This is really all you have to tell him: I wanted badly to snuggle up to him, but I don't have the balls... Normally on a Sat. night I would go out drinking or whatever. But I've actually come to feel that I would rather be watching movies with him at home.And then ask him if he ever feels the same way. You have nothing to lose!
Author brokenhart2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Author Posted February 20, 2007 I was already considering telling him that I'm happier at home with him than when I'm out drinking, doing the same old crap with the same old people. He doesn't even drink himself, so I'd think he would understand. I just wondered if it would sound too clingy/dependent to say "I would rather blow off my drinking friends and my social life so that I can be with you.." ok maybe that's exaggerating a bit... His daughter is living with us now, and last night he was telling me that she enrolled in the junior high, then he says that she'll probably go to the same high school I went to.(because we live right down the street from my high school)...oh really? not going anywhere for a while? I'll let you know happens, when or IF I get the nerve to do it...I'll try to remember everything you told me!
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