Latingirl31 Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Where to start? Well I have been married for several years now and have always believed that cheating was a big NO NO once I said "I DO". I love my H dearly and I must admit that most women would love to have a H like mine. He is a great provider, loving, caring, great father and helps me with the family and home. I know that there is no perfect marriage and when a problem arises that one should work through it. I have found myself seeing a MM for about 3 months now and cannot pull myself away from this relationship. I do not see a future with him and we do not look at it as we want to leave our spouses. We just enjoy the company of each other and no we are not having sex. Although I know that I have crossed the line in my marriage I have not crossed "that" line. He is the total opposite of my H, we laugh, tell stories and have to much to say to one another for hours a day. That is something that my H and I do not do anymore. I have made several attempts to stop the A but MM will call and tell me that he misses me and feels incomplete. I give in every time because I to feel the same. I guess my questions is how can I pull myself out and rekindle the marriage. Sometimes I feel as if I am about to lose one thing and go back to the ordinary. Are there people who find it hard not to cheat again?
frannie Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 If you really want to work on your marriage, then you really have to end things with your OM, tell him what you're doing, and ask him to respect that. NC (no contact) if you can manage that is probably for the best. Regarding rekindling your marriage, since you specifically talk about conversation and so on with your OM, I would suggest you read the site Marriage Builders (do an internet search for it)... and look into Emotional Needs. Work on getting those met by your husband, (and you meeting his ). And... welcome to the forum.
norajane Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 He is the total opposite of my H, we laugh, tell stories and have to much to say to one another for hours a day. That is something that my H and I do not do anymore. You and your H have become familiar, so the stories and whatnot aren't going to be as exciting - you've already heard them! Any new relationship is exciting in the beginning when you are getting to know each other and are forming a connection. But that initial excitement fades once you start spending all kinds of time together and day-to-day living, work, responsibilities, etc., gets in the way. And that same relationship will become like yours and your husband's over time if you don't continue to nurture it, if you grow apart and stop talking. You and your H used to laugh, tell stories, and have much to say. It sounds like you've fallen into a rut and are not connecting anymore. And it sounds like you are putting all your energy into this OM, rather than into reconnecting with your husband. Don't you miss how you and your H used to be? Think back to when you married him...weren't you feeling excitement and joy and didn't you think he was also funny and interesting and fun? There is no way you and your H will be able to reconnect if you stay involved with MM. That's your first step - you have to stop talking to MM, and redirect that energy toward your husband. Make an effort to spend quality time with your H. Treat him like you did when you first met - compliment him, admire him, tell him how lucky you are to have him in your life. He does a lot for you, so it can't be too difficult to find things to compliment him about and thank him for. Celebrate little things with him with special dinners at home, take little weekends away for just the two of you to do something romantic, start talking to him about what is happening with you in your work life, talk about your dreams, find a project or goal for you and your H to work on together. Do you want to take a special vacation? Talk to him and make plans, start saving, look into cottages on the beach in Bali. What are your husbands dreams? Talk to him and find out - help him reach those dreams.
Author Latingirl31 Posted February 19, 2007 Author Posted February 19, 2007 Norajane, at times we have sat down and talked about what I feel that our marriage is lacking and H tells me that he loves me alot and that I have made him happy since we met. H states that he is a different man since he met me (for the better that is) but sometimes I feel as if maybe the age difference is a factor. I see me spending the rest of life with him just do not want to be bored anymore. I think we need counseling!
YoMomma Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Where to start? Well I have been married for several years now and have always believed that cheating was a big NO NO once I said "I DO". I love my H dearly and I must admit that most women would love to have a H like mine. He is a great provider, loving, caring, great father and helps me with the family and home. I know that there is no perfect marriage and when a problem arises that one should work through it. I have found myself seeing a MM for about 3 months now and cannot pull myself away from this relationship. I do not see a future with him and we do not look at it as we want to leave our spouses. We just enjoy the company of each other and no we are not having sex. Although I know that I have crossed the line in my marriage I have not crossed "that" line. He is the total opposite of my H, we laugh, tell stories and have to much to say to one another for hours a day. That is something that my H and I do not do anymore. I have made several attempts to stop the A but MM will call and tell me that he misses me and feels incomplete. I give in every time because I to feel the same. I guess my questions is how can I pull myself out and rekindle the marriage. Sometimes I feel as if I am about to lose one thing and go back to the ordinary. Are there people who find it hard not to cheat again? Oh....pleazzzzzze! No one thinks "I am going to grow up and get married and have an affair"! You say you love your husband... if you loved your husband you wouldn't be doing what you're doing! You are cheating, sex or not - it's cheating. Either make it right with your husband - or leave him so he can find someone who deserves him. The only thing you are feeling for this MM is lust - that's all - and trust me when he decides he's done with you - it may be too late for you and your family! Get out - while you can.
frannie Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Norajane, at times we have sat down and talked about what I feel that our marriage is lacking and H tells me that he loves me alot and that I have made him happy since we met. H states that he is a different man since he met me (for the better that is) but sometimes I feel as if maybe the age difference is a factor. I see me spending the rest of life with him just do not want to be bored anymore. I think we need counseling! After I recommended you try Marriage Busters site on E needs especially conversation I went and had a look myself for some reason... being bored with conversation is one of the things they tackle... and have some very good suggestions.
Sup Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Where to start? Well I have been married for several years now and have always believed that cheating was a big NO NO once I said "I DO". I love my H dearly and I must admit that most women would love to have a H like mine. He is a great provider, loving, caring, great father and helps me with the family and home. I know that there is no perfect marriage and when a problem arises that one should work through it. I have found myself seeing a MM for about 3 months now and cannot pull myself away from this relationship. I do not see a future with him and we do not look at it as we want to leave our spouses. We just enjoy the company of each other and no we are not having sex. Although I know that I have crossed the line in my marriage I have not crossed "that" line. He is the total opposite of my H, we laugh, tell stories and have to much to say to one another for hours a day. That is something that my H and I do not do anymore. I have made several attempts to stop the A but MM will call and tell me that he misses me and feels incomplete. I give in every time because I to feel the same. I guess my questions is how can I pull myself out and rekindle the marriage. Sometimes I feel as if I am about to lose one thing and go back to the ordinary. Are there people who find it hard not to cheat again? TELL YOUR HUSBAND what you have told us, yes it WILL hurt him, he WILL be angry, but since you and OM have not hit the sheets, it's still possible to save your marriage. Get to Marriage Counseling! Go NC with OM! If you DON'T tell your hubby EVERYTHING, then you'll be Riding your OM VERY SOON! Worth telling your hubby before you destroy him? I hope so....
puddleofmud Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 You are a very self-aware person to reach out and that deserves validation. As you know that your marriage may be in danger then you would be well advised to communicate with the true love of your life as to your feelings. You are so very very lucky to have someone who loves and adores you and surely don't wish to sacrifice that! So glad you visited the forum and we are all here for support! Best wishes and kindest regards.
Author Latingirl31 Posted February 20, 2007 Author Posted February 20, 2007 Sup-I do not think that H suspects anything. Maybe I should not say anything and just put more effort to my marriage. Do you think that the guilt kills? Puddle-Thanks for the suuport! I feel that I have become some what of a selfish person becasue part of me does not want to end the affair. I know in my heart that it needs to stop. Does anyone believe in "Once a cheater always a cheater?" Has anyone ever cheated and never cheated again?
Guest Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Where to start? Well I have been married for several years now and have always believed that cheating was a big NO NO once I said "I DO". I love my H dearly and I must admit that most women would love to have a H like mine. He is a great provider, loving, caring, great father and helps me with the family and home. I know that there is no perfect marriage and when a problem arises that one should work through it. I have found myself seeing a MM for about 3 months now and cannot pull myself away from this relationship. I do not see a future with him and we do not look at it as we want to leave our spouses. We just enjoy the company of each other and no we are not having sex. Although I know that I have crossed the line in my marriage I have not crossed "that" line. He is the total opposite of my H, we laugh, tell stories and have to much to say to one another for hours a day. That is something that my H and I do not do anymore. I have made several attempts to stop the A but MM will call and tell me that he misses me and feels incomplete. I give in every time because I to feel the same. I guess my questions is how can I pull myself out and rekindle the marriage. Sometimes I feel as if I am about to lose one thing and go back to the ordinary. Are there people who find it hard not to cheat again? Feeling the way about your husband like you do, how are you going to feel when he finds out you've been sharing the affection that is rightfully his with another man? Are you ready for that? And the heartbreak that will follow? Ask yourself this as you look in the mirror and think of your poor husband.
Author Latingirl31 Posted February 20, 2007 Author Posted February 20, 2007 I do not want to lose my husband to anything especially not to anyone. I know that having an affair is like playing with fire. I do not want to continue this A but the whole NC thing is very difficult but I know that i have to be strong. I just wish the feeling would disappear just as fast.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 If you really want to work on your marriage, then you really have to end things with your OM, tell him what you're doing, and ask him to respect that. NC (no contact) if you can manage that is probably for the best. Exactly...the marriage will never recover ever if you still have contact with this other man. Of course things with this other man seem great...don't fool yourself into thinking that if you left your husband to be with this other man that the sparks will last forever. If your husband is indeed a great man and any woman would love to have him as a husband(and be careful or that just might happen)...then you need to break it off with this other man. Question latin...does your husband know about the affair?
Salicious Crumb Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Feeling the way about your husband like you do, how are you going to feel when he finds out you've been sharing the affection that is rightfully his with another man? Are you ready for that? And the heartbreak that will follow? Ask yourself this as you look in the mirror and think of your poor husband. Well thats one sure fire way for her to make it easy to dump the affair....tell her husband about it...and when the fear of losing him comes to light...then maybe she will have plenty of strength to break it off and focus on the great man she married.
Sup Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Sup-I do not think that H suspects anything. Maybe I should not say anything and just put more effort to my marriage. Do you think that the guilt kills? Yes it can kill your marriage, your hubby will know something is up, by the way you act, etc. Exposing things like this most often KILLS affairs, or possible affairs from occuring. It has been said in these forums, that affairs thrive in secret. I suggest Marriage Counseling, before it's too late.
Author Latingirl31 Posted February 21, 2007 Author Posted February 21, 2007 SC-My plans are never to leave my husband to be with another man. I do want to be with him just need to work on the marriage. He does not know about the affair. Sup-You are right I do need to get marriage counseling to make my marriage strong again. Also, As of yesterday I have had NC with MM. He has not made any attempt either to contact me. As the days go by I know that it will become easier.
minucha Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 keep your husband and learn to find the passion in loving him as ones you did... save your marriage... i wish you all the luck and love in the world with your husband.... please stay with him and keep away from outside distractions....
minucha Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 keep your husband and learn to find the passion in loving him as once you did... save your marriage... i wish you all the luck and love in the world with your husband.... please stay with him and keep away from outside distractions....
Sup Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 The sooner you tell hubby, and get to Marriage Counseling the better, DON'T put this off..... I DON'T want to see you here in 6 months saying how you rode your OM, and your hubby found out, or you're pregnant with OM's baby, etc. and you post on here somewhere OMG!!! How do I save my Marriage!!!!!?
seibert253 Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 If you truly are interested in repairing the damage you've caused then you NEED to end all contact with the other man RIGHT NOW. If you find excuses to put it off, I'll bet the paycheck the two of you will end up in bed. The old "we can talk from time to time", or "just be friends" does not work. You MUST tell him that what the two of you have been doing is wrong, that you love your husband, and you CANNOT see or talk to him anymore. From reading your posts you are seeking excitment and something new. If you really love your husband, and it sounds like you do, start being honest, (brutally honest), and let him know what's happened. He will be hurt, but if he loves you the two of you will work through this and probably be happier in the long run. Peace and God Bless,
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