blue16 Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 This has to do with a girl I posted about in another thread... Long story short is that me and this girl from work had been hanging out for a few months, and I asked her out as more than friends. I never got a clear cut answer one way or the other, and I said I didn't want to be just friends and so she ignored me. She called that same night and said she liked me but it was a complicated situation (which is true) etc. Anyways we were gonna go out as more than friends and see where it goes. Unfortunately, there was some miscommunication and a couple arguments...and nothing really happened. After a couple months, the friendship started to fizzle a little bit and it started to get a little awkward. Then she got a boyfriend, and that was very tough for me to take. Now of course, the right plan of action is to distance myself, initiate 'no contact' or whatever. Unfortunately, there are a few problems. Of course as I mentioned, I work with this chick so I have to see her 1-2 times a week no matter what. Also, her best friend happens to be a good friend of mine. We share a few other mutual friends from the workplace, and she introduced me to her other friends (who don't work with us) and we get along great too. I don't mind hanging out with this girl at all, but seeing her with her new bf is kind of hard to watch and doesn't make me feel good at all. It's just way too much effort to try to plan meetings in hopes that her bf won't come along too. And again, what is the point of hanging out with her when I want more than friends and she has a bf? But, by cutting her out a) the workplace environment is not as good and b) I miss out on a lot of invites to hang out with our mutual friends. For example, my good friend (this girl's best friend) invited me out to go drinking with them this week. I'd love to go, but I'm pretty sure 'the bf' is gonna be there and I'm not sure how I would handle that. This girl still wants to hang out with me for whatever reason. I don't give her attention - she already has other chumps who do that. She already has a boyfriend (who isn't very good looking IMO). I RARELY call her, and when I do she tries to keep me on the phone as long as possible even though I try to end the conversation after 5-10 minutes. It's quite funny actually, I'll be like "Okay I gotta go cuz (insert reason)" and she'll just continue the conversation. I never invite her to hang out with me. I turn down a lot of her invites when she does want to hang out. I might msg her on MSN once every few weeks...but that's it. It seems obvious to me she's trying to keep alive this 'friendship' or whatever the hell you want to call it even though I never put in any effort whatsoever. She has a BF - I don't want to be just friends - this whole thing is pointless. A couple people have said that I should just roll with it, and go out and have fun and don't let the fact that she has a boyfriend bother me. Sound advice in general. Maybe I should do that, I dunno. I do enjoy hanging out with the friends group, but if it wasn't for that (and the workplace factor) I would drop this girl like a hot potato. I have no interest in being just friends, and I refuse to be one of those guys who pretends to be friends in hopes of being more later. I'm just not sure how what to do to be honest...
Russian_donkey Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 I'm one of the guys who does hang on hoping for more later - and it sucks just as much :-P IMHO i think if you can't see yourself being just friends with her, then a realtionship aint gonna work. If you base a relationship on physical attraction alone then it's great for a quick fling, but it wont last. so i shall sum this up into your 2 choices 1. see the girl, as friends, have a laugh and see how you feel in a social situation or 2. Break of contact with the girl. 1 may be a painful option, certainly to start with, as it is hard to let go, but the more time you spend with her the more you will know your own mind, and 2 means the potential loss of your mutual friends. I guess you have to balance up the pro's and the cons of each, and make up your own mind on this one. Just do a stock check of what you want, and go for that. Can't really help you any more than that...
Yamaha Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 Sorry your still hung up on this girl, Blue16. I remember your post from before and I thought you had moved on because she has a bf. My advise is to find another gal that you are attracted to and ask her out. You can't keep hoping and she is still trying to keep your friendship ( probably out of guilt on her part ). The more you go out and talk to other potential gals the less her bf and her will bother you. Avoiding her really isn't a good option so you must put your feelings for her in the past and forge on for new and better possibilities. There is a gal for you and you need to actively look for HER. Good Luck
farooq138 Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 iam so sorry for you, inow how you feal iam going through the same thing right now but the thing with me is that i see her 5 times a week, i just found out last night that she has a date, and the funny thing is that she told me that she didnt whant to date for 1-2 years, the only thing i can say is that you know what to do in your heart, i didnt read your other post but maybe you should tell her, go all out and if she says no just walk away, im not going to say that there is other fish in the sea because when you like someone, there is no one else ou there that can ever match. peace
Author blue16 Posted February 26, 2007 Author Posted February 26, 2007 I'm one of the guys who does hang on hoping for more later - and it sucks just as much :-P IMHO i think if you can't see yourself being just friends with her, then a realtionship aint gonna work. If you base a relationship on physical attraction alone then it's great for a quick fling, but it wont last. so i shall sum this up into your 2 choices 1. see the girl, as friends, have a laugh and see how you feel in a social situation or 2. Break of contact with the girl. 1 may be a painful option, certainly to start with, as it is hard to let go, but the more time you spend with her the more you will know your own mind, and 2 means the potential loss of your mutual friends. I guess you have to balance up the pro's and the cons of each, and make up your own mind on this one. Just do a stock check of what you want, and go for that. Can't really help you any more than that... Unfortunately, I'm not gonna settle for friends with a girl I have hooked up with multiple times and I have feelings for...it just doesn't add up lol. I think option #1 might be the better idea - except major co-worker outings I will still attend. I don't want her to control my life either, you know? iam so sorry for you, inow how you feal iam going through the same thing right now but the thing with me is that i see her 5 times a week, i just found out last night that she has a date, and the funny thing is that she told me that she didnt whant to date for 1-2 years, the only thing i can say is that you know what to do in your heart, i didnt read your other post but maybe you should tell her, go all out and if she says no just walk away, im not going to say that there is other fish in the sea because when you like someone, there is no one else ou there that can ever match. peace Well I'm losing interest in her, as I will explain later on in the post. I met a girl last week who showed some signals and really intrigued me...but she had a BF as well but the experience at least reminded me "Hey, there are tons of girls out there who will curve your interest." Sorry your still hung up on this girl, Blue16. I remember your post from before and I thought you had moved on because she has a bf. My advise is to find another gal that you are attracted to and ask her out. You can't keep hoping and she is still trying to keep your friendship ( probably out of guilt on her part ). The more you go out and talk to other potential gals the less her bf and her will bother you. Avoiding her really isn't a good option so you must put your feelings for her in the past and forge on for new and better possibilities. There is a gal for you and you need to actively look for HER. Good Luck Ya dude it's pretty pathetic huh? I am on a huge dry spell right now so that's definitely the part of it. Like last year when I had a bunch of different options goin I didn't give two sh*ts about this girl...lol. And you're right I need to find another girl, bad. The other night at the club, she was drunk and hitting on me. She was cuddling up against me, KISSING me on my neck NUMEROUS times...I mean it was borderline cheating. I just played it cool (didn't kiss her back) and tried not to read into anything. Her antics are starting to annoy me, however. I'm tired of these games, and all this bullsh*t so I'm gonna do my best to stay away from her (within reason), contrary to your advice unfortunately, Yamaha. The way things are now, I really have no interest in hanging out with her as friends or otherwise. Of course if it's a group of friends hanging out, I'm still gonna go. No reason to hinder my social life just because of her - if she happens to be there...hey that's fine. As far as us two communicating outside of the workplace...I think I'm done. Of course when I find another girl I probably won't care about this whole scenario anyway and I probably won't have a problem hanging out with her on a casual basis.
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