ICS Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 As an outlet to get over my ex, I signed up for some online dating sites-without much success despite having been told by various strangers that my profile was very well written. I have stopped thinking about the ex as much now, and want to use the online dating site as a venue for making new friends/ maybe (probably not) more. My profile doesn't have a picture of me there, as I have found that putting my picture up didn't do any good. I don't think I am physically unattractive, as I have had a fair share of girls with crushes on me before in high school. I do, however, think that online dating is rather full of flaky people who seek out profiles with handsome guys. Well, after all, it's the picture that gets noticed and not the words in the profile, as we're all just little icons at someone's disposal in the online world. Ideally, pictures shouldn't be the highlight of a profile, because personality is ever-lasting and physical appearance isn't. In essence, I think that my lack of success with online dating is because I am not part of the racial majority, and those who had a crush on me before were people who knew me for both my personality and my physical appearance. Life can anger me so much sometimes. What are people's thoughts on online dating/meeting friends? Also, any tips/insights into this whole ordeal would greatly help. Thanks in advance guys
freckles73 Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 I met online the last two guys I had a long term relationship with. But I found out that both of them were still trolling the site (hidden or unhidden profiles) while we were still together. As a woman, I now have very little trust in the type of men I would meet online.........and probably in person too, but that's another issue.
Sand&Water Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 RE: I don't know, ICS. The online dating/friends scene confuses me at times -the way it plays out it's often counter-intuitive. I have an online friend; we've been conversing quite nicely, flirting and such. He hasn't seen my picture. Not a chance on earth he'd know if I'm actually beautiful -or just another plain jane. Compliments come and ago. The thing that took me by surprise was the fact that he's interested and willing to meet up with me. He wasn't shy about it -he made it clear to me on the second day! that he wants to explore this opportunity. Oh and telling me about romantic getaways, companionship, and 'us'. WTF??? So you tell me? isn't that just odd? I think it is best to do your own thing -get to know the person, real well. There are psycho people out there. Sand&Water
hardknocks Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 I've tried a lot of online dating sites - I'm not totally comfortable posting a picture, so I think that hurts my chances a lot. But I have met some nice gals - although it took a lot of WORK! (Especially eharmony omg - so much work!) What I found is better is speed dating. It's actually a lot of fun and I get a lot more 'second dates' there. (cupid.com)
alphamale Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 What are people's thoughts on online dating/meeting friends? Its pretty much a waste of time and money for most people.
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 What I found is better is speed dating. It's actually a lot of fun and I get a lot more 'second dates' there. Well I can't speak for myself because I've never gone speed-dating but my friend has and she said it was a waste of money. You spend about 40 bucks for a couple of hours, while you can do online personals for about half of that for an entire month. I can attest to online dating, though because I've met a wonderful guy that way! I went on five first dates in the span of two weeks when I first started; three were duds, two were fun. After a couple more dates, one of the two rose to the top and he is now my boyfriend Back in college I did a different online dating site and met another great guy. We dated for four years but eventually broke up because we had lost the passion. We are still good friends though.
glitzy55 Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 but on that note I did join for a few more months lol. I've only been on it for about a month, havent met anyone in person yet and am dumfounded by some of the emails I get. The one guy I was gonna meet who I only spoke to a handful of times on the phone I had to cancel bc of a valid reason. Guess he got mad or was some serial dater bc I didn't hear from him again. Be prepared for some extremely unattractive men emailing u..even when it says you're looking to meet someone attracive, men 30 yrs older then u even if u put an age range and guys who supply their number bc I guess its too much to call a girl these days.
Topper Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 I'm on a site now. Have had a few dates one was OK no real spark. One was best forgotten and one is so far so good. I have been e mailing and talking on the phone to a couple of others as well. But those are woman at least 2.5 hours from where I live. Glitz, guys may be sending their number thinking you may not feel comfortable giving out your number. I do send out a few emails to woman who state they are looking fora someone younger. I only do that if I see we have a lot in common. I also in that first e mail tell them that is why I am e mailing is the common interest. It is funny I have dated woman much younger then myself in real life. One was 1/2 my age. So far I'm having fun with it. I never take it to serious at first. I keep the emails light and hopefully funny.
glitzy55 Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 I'm on a site now. Have had a few dates one was OK no real spark. One was best forgotten and one is so far so good. I have been e mailing and talking on the phone to a couple of others as well. But those are woman at least 2.5 hours from where I live. Glitz, guys may be sending their number thinking you may not feel comfortable giving out your number. I do send out a few emails to woman who state they are looking fora someone younger. I only do that if I see we have a lot in common. I also in that first e mail tell them that is why I am e mailing is the common interest. It is funny I have dated woman much younger then myself in real life. One was 1/2 my age. So far I'm having fun with it. I never take it to serious at first. I keep the emails light and hopefully funny. Yea I guess..I don't mind giving my number out though..its only a cell number. it sounds like you're doing the normal thing. If the women are looking for a younger guy then go for it. I just have a specific age range I am looking for yet I get a ton of emails from men way over it. One 40 something year old guy sent the same exact copy and pasted email to me not once..but 3 times. So I guess he sends the same one to every prospect..how thoughtful.
brokenhart2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 I started using online dating back in 1999. I've used it on and off ever since. Obviously, for finding Mr. Right, it hasn't worked, weather it's because the guy doesn't like me or I don't like him. (in a romantic way I mean). It is based heavily on appearance. Some people refuse to talk to someone who does not have their picture on their profile..which is just rediculous, in my opinion...if you like their personality, talk on the phone, and get a verbal description..you'd think that would be enough to decide if you should meet them or not. However, people lie a lot. I did it this way a few times, without knowing what the guy looked like. His description sounded ok, but once I got there, I was not attracted to him. On the other hand, there was a guy I dated casually for a year, and i didn't know what he looked like..I trusted he was attractive simply cuz he told me he was...so there ya go! I really liked him, he just didn't treat me the greatest. Good luck!
riobikini Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 re: ICS: " What are people's thoughts on online dating/meeting friends? Also, any tips/insights into this whole ordeal would greatly help." (Smile) Yet, another thread posing the online dating question (it's almost as classic as, "To be -or not to be.") But I promise to try and bring fresh perspective in my answer. You might "luck out" and find someone special -you really, honestly *might*. But chances are better if you don't go run and bet the farm that "Miss Right" is waiting in the online dating line-up, or do anything to put additional pressure and gravity on your turn-out because it might cause you to wind up with Miss Right Now, instead. As for the photo -I agree it's not a fair nor unified world when it comes to a single ideal of attractiveness. Nor do the minorities seem to get a fair shake. Some say that absence of a photo brings this aura of mystery to the table; others say it's reason for immediate suspicion. I think the best answer lies somewhere in the middle, and at any rate, it should only matter -or not- to the person who's doing the searching. Personally, I despise dating sites. I've come to realize (for myself, of course) that they -no matter what wonderful wit, and intelligence, and warmth you might try to convey with your profile- are the most pathetic statement you can advertise about yourself, with, or without a photo. The best collective advice I've seen from all the threads I've read on this subject conclude with gems of wisdom like this: don't take it *seriously*, use your intelligence, and try to have fun. Sorry, that's the best I can do. Good luck!! -and to encourage better results, try not to think of it as an "ordeal". (Smile) -Rio
Author ICS Posted February 21, 2007 Author Posted February 21, 2007 I find that there are lots of lies in most people's dating profiles. For instance (and this is my favourite example): "Don't hesitate to message me, I don't bite." In one especially nasty experience, I have messaged a girl with the above quote and she deleted my message and physically removed me from her bookmark. Intriguing.. Right now I am exchanging email with two people on a regular basis. Neither of them have any idea of how I look like, but so far our conversations has been fine. I guess I'll find out in time what they are really thinking about in their heads later. About 6 months ago, a girl on the site messaged me because she found my profile especially interesting. She was simple on the site to find interesting people to talk to. We exchanged emails daily for a few months, up until a while ago when she became overwhelmed with life, depressed, broke up with her boyfriend, and the like, and stopped messaging me, telling me that she would soon remove herself from the site by deleting her profile. However, two months later and seeing that she still logs on everyday, I began to think if she simply made an excuse to not talk to me, without the guilt of making me feel "rejected". Two days ago I messaged her out of curiousity. She messaged back and asked me how I was, as well as telling me that she just had alot to deal with, and was very stressed. I replied, and in the next message, she suggested that we meet one day. I agreed, and left it up to her to tell me when she will have to time to meet up.. and to my surprise, she suggested this Friday and wanted to confirm with me. All this time that I have been messaging her I never thought of her as anything more than a friend, because I find that our relationship is a purely platonic one, as we never complimented each other in terms of the physical or intellectual, and neither of us had the desire to delve into each other's dating history either. Tonight I am going to get back to her with a definite answer, but it wouldn't hurt to have some advice first.
Krytellan Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 I tried many of the on-line sites, then decided to bet the farm on EHarmony cuz I worked midnights blah blah blah. Anyway, I can't say that we're gonna get married or anything, but they hooked me up with my absolute doll of a gf and we hit it off from the first written word. So, the potential always exists. I do recommend Eharmony because even though it costs more than all the others, that is part of the reason it's better. People are there because they're serious about it.
Star Gazer Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 I tried many of the on-line sites, then decided to bet the farm on EHarmony cuz I worked midnights blah blah blah. Anyway, I can't say that we're gonna get married or anything, but they hooked me up with my absolute doll of a gf and we hit it off from the first written word. So, the potential always exists. I do recommend Eharmony because even though it costs more than all the others, that is part of the reason it's better. People are there because they're serious about it. I met my two previous ex-BF's on eHarmony. Our relationships ended on good terms - I was moving with one, and the other we couldn't spend time together because of conflicting travel schedules. I'd recommend it to anyone... That said, I "put on hold" ANYONE who doesn't have a picture. I'm sorry, but you cannot discount the importance of physical attraction.
Art_Critic Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 I do recommend Eharmony because even though it costs more than all the others, that is part of the reason it's better. People are there because they're serious about it. Except that most of the people they match you up with tried out the free profile on eharmony and can't participate in answering the questions or even close you out.. they use all the old profiles to keep you interested.. Didn't you ever notice that there were profiles that never closed you out and you had to close them out ? you paid for that .. They also send you a bunch of matches right near the end of your subscription so you reup..
Krytellan Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 That said, I "put on hold" ANYONE who doesn't have a picture. I'm sorry, but you cannot discount the importance of physical attraction. Amen sister... and I'm not religious
Star Gazer Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 Except that most of the people they match you up with tried out the free profile on eharmony and can't participate in answering the questions or even close you out.. they use all the old profiles to keep you interested.. Didn't you ever notice that there were profiles that never closed you out and you had to close them out ? you paid for that .. Not true. If you're not a paying member, you can only get 10 matches at a time. So if you're an "old" member with an "old profile," those who ARE paying won't get matched up with you. Nevertheless, just like dating...I don't wait around forever for a guy to respond or make contact. He gets a week, max, before he's "closed" and I get new matches.
Krytellan Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 Except that most of the people they match you up with tried out the free profile on eharmony and can't participate in answering the questions or even close you out.. they use all the old profiles to keep you interested.. Didn't you ever notice that there were profiles that never closed you out and you had to close them out ? you paid for that .. They also send you a bunch of matches right near the end of your subscription so you reup.. I don't get what you mean. you don't pay by match. That, and anyone that I contacted that hadn't responded in 10 days I closed. I wasn't wanting that crap. If you're responsible there is nothing they can do to get you to pay more. It all depends on how gullible one is.
Art_Critic Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 Not true. If you're not a paying member, you can only get 10 matches at a time. So if you're an "old" member with an "old profile," those who ARE paying won't get matched up with you. Nevertheless, just like dating...I don't wait around forever for a guy to respond or make contact. He gets a week, max, before he's "closed" and I get new matches. Actually it is true.. they were sued in court for that very thing .. they settled the case. I have seen your picture.. no guy would not respond to you.. the guys that didn't couldn't..
Krytellan Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 He gets a week, max, before he's "closed" and I get new matches. The way your mind works is amazing... and familiar. Wanna get married? :love:
Star Gazer Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 Actually it is true.. they were sued in court for that very thing .. they settled the case. A settlement is not an admission of fault or liability, sweetie. :-) All I'm sayin' is IT WORKED FOR ME!
Art_Critic Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 I don't get what you mean. they match you up with some people that can't respond to you because they are either no longer active or used the free profile.. Not all matches are this way.. but most of them are dead matches.. duds that can't respond. It is possible to get dates on eharmony.. I had one.. but after 6 months of them taking my money I used a better online serve that people will actually speak to you on.. match..
Star Gazer Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 The way your mind works is amazing... and familiar. Wanna get married? :love: Hehehehehe. I kinda get excited when I close one - even if he seemed interesting and handsome, because then I get MORE!!! :love: :love: :love:
Star Gazer Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 they match you up with some people that can't respond to you because they are either no longer active or used the free profile.. Not all matches are this way.. but most of them are dead matches.. duds that can't respond. See, that's what I find hard to believe - because in all honesty, 90% of them either initiated contact or responded to me, so they weren't duds.
Art_Critic Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 A settlement is not an admission of fault or liability, sweetie. :-) Oh gosh.... your a lawyer.. those are technical defs.. common sense tells me how it really works..
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