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when ex began to small talk to you without mentioning getting back together...

Cherbear

By Cherbear
in Second Chances

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Cherbear Member

Cherbear

Posted
Posted

what are you supposed to do?

 

NC is finally broken, by him, the dumper. Now he's talking to me on aim asking how i have been and what i have been up to and stuff. And i responded. Kinda cold, but yeah i responded. Did i make a big mistake? what should i do? should i stop going on aim? b/c it's pretty hard not to reply when i'm on it and he talks to me. I'm afraid if i dont respond at all he'll lose interests. what should i do?

eloquent Member

eloquent

Posted
Posted
what are you supposed to do?

 

NC is finally broken, by him, the dumper. Now he's talking to me on aim asking how i have been and what i have been up to and stuff. And i responded. Kinda cold, but yeah i responded. Did i make a big mistake? what should i do? should i stop going on aim? b/c it's pretty hard not to reply when i'm on it and he talks to me. I'm afraid if i dont respond at all he'll lose interests. what should i do?

 

Block him! that way you don't have to deal with it and if he really wants to talk to you he'll be forced to find another method. You won't be hurting his feelings because you can't tell when someone's blocked you. He'll just think you're too busy (in your new life without him) to be online, which is good! And if he's worth taking back, the fact that you won't talk to him on AIM shouldn't make him lose interest. If he calls you and asks you out on a date, then you'll talk. If he comes over to have a face to face conversation, then you'll talk.

sueidaho Member

sueidaho

Posted
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Well first and for most is your feelings. if you are still hurt pretty deeply you should probably decide if you still need time to yourself. if not then you should just keep your replys very short and to the point. DON'T be tooo available. maybe he is the type that still wants to be friends. now who wants to be freinds when you use to be lovers.? not i.

Island Girl Established Member

Island Girl

Posted
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Hey Cherbear

 

I just posted regarding the chat on your other thread.

Nanachu Member

Nanachu

Posted
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Cherbear,

I am in a similar situation. My ex, dumper, started to contact me via email. He small talks to me and keeps bringing up the topics that remind "us." In your case and my care, it is clear that:

- he misses you

- he consideres you as an attractive member of opposite sex

- he does not want you to completely move on

 

However, the key here is that he (and my ex) has not brought up coming back together. It is possible that they are afraid of rejection, they are not completely sure that coming back is a good idea, or both.

 

Like myself, I am assuming that you still miss him and want him back. And it is quite possible that we can come back together IF we now sort of bring back. But, is this what we want?

 

He dumped you. He should do better job, putting more effort to come back together with you. IM and Email do not count. They are so easy. He has your phone number, he knows where you live and work. If he really wants to contact you, he knows what to do.

He should really think about what he has done to you, what he did not want, who he is, what he wants from relationship, etc.. Otherwise, you two end up in the same place after getting back together. You, as a dumpee, were willing to work out by being together. He chose not to be with you once.

 

Don't give in by his small talk via IMs.

Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

I am going to take a different perspective. While I agree do not talk to him if its too painful for you or you are putting all your hopes on this I say why not talk to him as long as there are no expectations it will lead to anything more?

 

The friendship needs to be rekindled before anything else.

 

Most dumpers do not run amok with declarations of love immediately. They usually put out little feelers first to see if its safe especially if some time has gone by.

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Cherbear Member

Cherbear

Posted
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i suppose i should do limited NC?(since we've been doing NC for 2 months) like if he talks to me again on aim, keep the convo short and brief. Don't go on aim too often b/c that will make him think i wanna meet him there. Just not to be too available. Make him wonder.

 

Is this the right approach?

Johnny B Established Member

Johnny B

Posted
Posted

Cherbear - You can read my post as well, I have a similar thing going on.

 

I'm not sure if it's best to do limited contact. As everyone on here says, they're just feeling us out. If they wanted to talk, then they would tell us. Also, they would have no trouble contacting us, no matter how busy we appear to be.

 

It's like just checking to see if we're still on the side. Thats really how I see it.

 

Johnny

Lowcountryman Member

Lowcountryman

Posted
Posted

If you don't want to talk to him, just make yourself invisible to everyone. Simple enough.

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

Posted
Posted
when ex began to small talk to you without mentioning getting back together...

 

You do unadulterated NC and don't settle for scraps of a relationship that won't go anywhere.

CaliGuy Established Member

CaliGuy

Posted
Posted
You do unadulterated NC and don't settle for scraps of a relationship that won't go anywhere.

 

They'll get it eventually, Art :)

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

Posted
Posted
You do unadulterated NC and don't settle for scraps of a relationship that won't go anywhere.

 

Well said!!!!

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Cherbear Member

Cherbear

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i agree with everyone saying going complete NC. I suppose that you assume I wanna move on. But the thing is i want him back. It's just i want him to work for it, big time, for all the pain he has caused me. plus, he'll only cherish things that he has to fight for. My question is how. how to make him work for it?

 

We've already done 2 months of NC until he finally broke it. So I would say NC did work. Do you really think complete NC at this point is still the best way to bring him back?

garnet Established Member

garnet

Posted
Posted

I know how you feel, I've been in that situation before. I responded to his advances, thinking that he wanted me back, when it turns out that wasn't the case.

 

It's hard without knowing your situation, but I assume that he hurt you, and he must know that. I think you have to trust what the others are saying. If he really wants you back, he will try harder.

Johnny B Established Member

Johnny B

Posted
Posted

Cherbear -

 

Take it from me, the one who let someone go and now is still regretting it.

 

I've done everything in my power to let her know that I want her back.. don't settle for anything less. She knows how I feel, there cannot be a doubt in her mind.

 

If you have doubts then he lacks the sincerity you deserve.

 

J

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