Sick of the games...I feel so stupid..

[angelbabylk]

Ok, so I've posted a few times about this same guy. We dated for a 2 years, broke up for several reasons. Mostly because I am very jealous and accuse him of things that 'weren't' happening. Well, we lived together. We decided to take a 'break' a few weeks ago, just so we could have some time to clear our heads. Well, one night I decided to spend the night at my mothers, came home earlier than he expected. He works 3rd shift and didnt get home until 7am, and i got here around 8. There was a girl in our house, someone he is just friends with, or so he says. Well, I got pissed and basically moved everything of mine out of that apartment that day. The same night I came back over to get some more of my stuff and we ended up talking for a few hours, basically ended as just a friendship for the time being, but seeing where it would go, if anywhere at all. Since then the same girl that was there when I came home early that morning has been coming over more recently, while he and I have been hanging out as well. He's told me that he kissed her, that was a week or so ago. Then 2 nights ago he told me that he's gotten to know her a lot better, and he doesn't like her as much as he did before and that he was going to put more effort into trying to see if he and I could go anywhere. I'll admit, we have been having fun, but I have had a sick feeling in my stomach. Something telling me there was more to him and this girl. Last night I came over just to hang out, before he had to work at 11pm. I ended up falling asleep, and staying the night. He got home around 7am and went to bed, I wake up around 10, and his cell phone is laying out. I couldn't help myself, I had to see the texts from her. There were a few that said things like 'when am i gona get that riding?' and 'nah sweetie sex with you is amazing'. THAT WAS THIS MORNING. while I'm in the other room asleep! I have asked him, just a few days ago if they did anything like that and he said no.

What am I supposed to do?

I feel so dumb for believing him, and sticking around. I guess a part of me still hopes he will come running back to me. He knows that nothing will work between him and this girl, but he knows that as long as we work on it we will. I know that I should just walk away from this, in order to save my pride and my heart, but I can't seem to do it. My heart still sees hope for this. But my head can't picture anything but the 2 of them sleeping together.

I know everyone will tell me to walk away...

But is this something I just have to let go of? A girl at work told me that something will just click in my head, and I will let go on my own. But how?

[norajane]

He's obviously lying to you about them being just friends. They had sex. They have been having sex ever since you saw her there the first time, and possibly even before then.

 

Can you really trust him since he's been lying to you in order to get his nookie with new girl, while still trying to keep you warm on the back burner in case the new girl doesn't work out? I wouldn't be able to deal with that, and I wouldn't be able to trust him.

 

I think you know what to do, but you're hoping that *somehow* things will work out. The only way things can work out is if BOTH of you are doing your best. And HE isn't doing his best - he's f*cking someone else and lying to you about it.

[Walk]

because I am very jealous and accuse him of things that 'weren't' happening.

You were probably right about those times too.

 

He's having sex with someone else, yet telling you he wants to work on the relationship. His words say he's there, but every second he gets he's off screwing that other girl. Listen to his actions, and toss out every word he's been saying. Those will tell you the truth. Right now, you seem to want to believe his words and forget about his actions.

 

If you want any chance at having a good relationship, then stop seeing this guy. Go no contact. He'll happily screw the other girl while hanging out with you in his spare time for as long you allow it. It's not fair to you. And he's gotten comfortable with lying to you about things. He won't tell the truth until he realizes he made a mistake. But he doesn't see he made a mistake because he hasn't had to face any consequences for his actions. All he's had to do is say some pretty words to you, and you stay.

 

I know you want to stay, but you aren't doing either of you any favors by sticking around. He's getting everything he wants still, but won't give you even an ounce of respect in return. You can't trust him again. You'll never feel like he really loves you when you know that at the hint of trouble he'll be off to sleep with another girl and hiding it from you.

 

Stop seeing him. Work on improving your life and using this time to figure out what you want from a relationship and from a SO. Then ask yourself if this guy meets those requirements. But you need time and space to do that, and hanging out with him won't allow for that.

[angelbabylk]

Thank you Walk, I appreciate that. You are really right with almost 100% of what you said :| as much as I hate saying that. I haven't spoken with him in 2 days, I DID call him yesterday and left a message saying if he wanted to hang out we could.. but not reply. Usually I would have texted him about a million times, and he knows that, and I haven't at all. The only way I can see it right now is this- if he really cared that I have stopped trying to get in touch with him, he would have called or something by now. He hasn't though, and I'm guessing it doesn't bother him.

So, as hard as it's going to be for me, if he does try to call... I will avoid it.. I'll keep posted on progress. Even 2 days NC is hard enough! But even though it's only been 2 days, it seems like it is getting better already. I thought I needed him around all the time, to hug and kiss me, to make my world alright. Turns out, I can do that on my own =) I guess I should've known that all along, oh well! Thank you though.