missdeathwish Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 First, I'll give you the short story, then, I'll give you more details. Short version: I started seeing a guy, things didn't work out, we're still friends, but stuff is weird. I don't want to give up yet. I got a pretty good tarot reading last night... good meaning accurate in uncanny ways, and also with a good outlook. I'm just not sure how to proceed with the relationship. How do I strike the balance between friend and potential lover? The tarot says that I'm honest and very clear about what I want (accurate). He's a Cassanova (accurate) who is currently caught between me and another woman (no idea... I think he's really into "having fun"). But that the other woman is confused (no idea... I think he's confused) so I'll win out. She said that I need to take control, and that he'll follow me. Time frame is 3-6 months. It also said that all of my friends think I'm stupid for going on, but that I should continue, because I'll wind up happy. Long version: We went out a few times. He was so intense and attentive and so forth. He wasn't the greatest kisser or lover or anything, but there was insane chemistry (for me, anyway). He set me on fire, my body, my mind, my emotions. He was stimulating. Not challenging in a "it's hard to get you" way, but in a "you make me think" way. He kind of screwed around with my mind a little bit. His words and his actions were in contradiction to one another. My mistake: not listening to him when he said that he didn't want a relationship. His mistake: acting like he did when he didn't. (The copious amount of calling, wanting to spend lots of time together, physical affection, emotional sharing and connection, blah blah blah.) Then he ended the physical part of our relationship, about a month ago. Ouch. Afterwards, he was extra-attentive and touchy-feely. He was touching my face, my hair, me. Then he gave me a big hug and kiss on the cheek. He's giving me a lot of cheek kisses, which, to my knowledge he doesn't really do that much. Maybe, who knows? But sometimes he treats me like he's really special and sometimes he treats others similarly in front of me. And I don't know what to do. He flirted with my roommate and friend in front of me, then hit on her away from me. And when she asked about me, he said that he was interested in someone else. I got upset, and the other night gave him a letter saying, essentially, that he had to be more careful about how he deals with women. I guess I said that he should think before he acts, not try to take what he doesn't want, and not to pursue anything he's not sure about, because that's a good way to hurt people. Last night, I went out with him and a bunch of people and gave him his birthday present (the Tao Te Ching, which he was happy with). He seemed reasonably friendly, like usual. Not upset about the note or anything. But then that night I saw him chatting up another girl, which made me sad. (Which is silly, I know.) So what do I do? The ball's in his court, I guess, but how do I behave in the meantime? Should I make any effort to spend time with him as just friends? We connect pretty well one-on-one... should I just let him make all the calls at this point? I kind of want to bring him to get his cards read. Ladies, gentlemen... what's a woman to do to be what a man needs her to be at the time being, but hopefully become what she wants him to be in the future? So far, I've been making an effort to look extra-hot when I'm with him in a large group. And I flirt with people. Dunno if he notices or not, but I do. I'm nice to him, but not quite as flirty. Happy Lunar New Year, everyone! I know I sound silly and young, but that's what men do to me sometimes. Please help a gal out. Love can make a fool out of anyone. Note: I'm asking strangers about this because letting go isn't working. My friends tell me to give up, but my friends (complicated situation maybe worth mentioning- I'm in Seoul, teaching English for a year, so nobody really knows anyone or chooses who they're with) around here don't really know me well enough to realize that. Yes, I am a bit of a phoenix.
Violet_Sky Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 you have exposed yourself so openly to this man, there's no reason for him to want to chase you. He told you he doesn't want a relationship, he even stopped having intimate relations with you aside from making out and feeling you up basically... If it's possible do NC. And writing the letter to him telling how he 'should' deal with women was a HUGE mistake. He already basically broke up with you, so you have no place to tell him how to deal with women. Plus it actually is going to push him away FURTHER. He's thinking if he dates you, you're going to be telling him 'good boy' 'bad boy', he doesn't want a woman dictating to him how to behave, if you don't like his behavior, you can leave, it's that simple. He's flirting and interested in other women...this should tell you that he isn't interested in a relationship with you, just like he said. Please do NC for a long time, do NOT initiate contact. He mgiht come round but don't 'take him back' for a long time, he has to really make it clear he's in it for real. Sorry, though, I don't see as you have a real shot at a relationship with this guy. Tarot readers are good at giving you what you want to hear from your vulnerability. Most women go to them when they have romance problems with their boyfriends so they know you are vulnerable and give you the hope that you want. The fact that he's "torn" between you and another woman....any guy that I was dating who told me that, well he'd be history. I'm not competing for a guy with some other chick. I would not set myself up for that kind of confusion and heartbreak.
Recommended Posts