Really need some suggestions

[Dystini]

Hi, I'm Dystini. This is my first post. I just joined the site. I really hope that you all can help me with my little issue here. Thank you all so much in advance!

 

Here it is:

 

I was out at the pub this past Thursday with my best mate shooting some pool and having a few drinks when we met this man. He played pool with us and then we all jumped in his car and headed for another pub, all the while our new friend flirted with me. We all sauntered over to the strip club had a few drinks (no one had had to many to drive, we weren't drunk) while we were there out of no where he kissed me (he and I wew both suprised). On the ride back to our neighborhood (lol, this guys lives down the road) this man continued to flirt with me and and started to rub my arm and then held my hand. He dropped my mate off and procedded to take me home. While in my drive, we exchanged numbers, kissed for a while, and he asked me to call him. I asked him when he would like me to call and he just told me whenever so I playfully told him to expect a call in 5 mins. After one last kiss I got out of his car and walked to my door. To my suprise he waited to leave until I had made it into my home. After 5 mins I called him ( because I told him I would) He asked me if I wanted to come over and I said yes. I took down his house number and drove over there. I was expecting just sex but instead he put in a movie and we talked for a while, then we kissed and fooled around then everything stoped and he said he wanted to lay with me so we did. He was tired (it was almost 5 in the morning) and had to be at work in a few hours (at 8am). After a while I told him that I should leave so he could get some sleep, he asked me why I had to leave, I told him I didn't HAVE to leave. Then he asked me to stay. So, I did. When he woke up he started to rub my back and we talked some more an laughed. He got on his Myspace to check it and asked me if I had one. I told him I didn't know the address off the top of my head and I would call him and tell him later, he insisted that I go ahead and log into my account and add him as a friend. So, I did. When he closed the browser I noticed he had a picture of him and his Rugby team playing a match. I asked him about it and he told me I needed to come see a game some time. After he was all ready to walk out the door for work he told me he had his kids for the next couple of weeks (he's recently divorced w/ 2 kids) and would be busy but he wanted me to call him at about 3:30 that afternoon and come over sometime that day after he had picked up the kids. So, I told him I would. He hugged me and kissed me then we both left. He went to work and I went home to get back in bed! A few hours later he send me a text message saying how tired he was and asking what I was up to. I text back and told him I was tired too but laying in bed. When 3:30 rolled around I called him and got his voice mail so I left a message. No call back. A few hours later I sent him a text telling him I called. He texted me back saying he was sorry and busy with the kids, making dinner and such. I told him to enjoy dinner with his kids and not to worry. This all happened Friday and now it is Saturday night with no contact since then. I am not sure what to do. Do I just wait? Do I call him or send him a message? I really like this guy and really felt a spark. I've really never dated or been with many people. I'm not sure what the protocol is or how it works. I feel like we got to know eachother pretty well the night we spent together. I it's pretty obvious that he doesn't like to call people or talk on the phone since everytime he wanted me to call him instead of telling me he would call me.

During the evening we spent together, while we were fooling around he asked me a few times if I was ok with what was going on. Of course I was. He told me that he hadn't been touched by another person since he left his wife (I believe him). I also wonder if our age difference was bothering him, he is 19 years older then I am. Ahh, I really would like to get to know this guy. What should I do?

 

And again thank you all for any help/suggestions.

Dystini

[Island Girl]

You've been really too eager with this guy.

 

Calling him 5 minutes after he dropped you off for instance - should have waited until the next day at the earliest.

Then going right over there - and saying the things you did the way you did - it is all just too eager - too much too soon.

 

If he hasn't been with anyone since his wife (and you believe him) he may fear jumping right in to a relationship and you let him know that is definitely where your head is.

 

I wouldn't text. I wouldn't call.

 

Tomorrow you could send him a MySpace e-mail that just casually tells him how you filled your weekend. Make sure it sounds like you had fun and were doing things not just sitting around at home - especially tonight.

 

I wouldn't e-mail either but that is me - and I have a feeling it will be difficult for you to abstain from contacting him altogether.

 

Just realize if he contacts you, that you need to pull back on the jumping at everything he says and calling exactly on time, etc. It is a sure fire way to send him the message that you are desperate and clingy.

 

--- And I love those Rugby boys -- my now husband played for the Wallabies and the Tongan team. Tough = sexy.

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

Dystini,

 

The Heart and Mind.

 

You maybe using either one or neither one. But it sounds like you are using your heart. Big Red Flag Number One.

 

I strongly suggest you back off -both emotionally and physically. Both of you are in a unstable state to pursue such a lustful relationship/encounter.

 

Plus, the age difference. 19 long years. This is a lifetime -you will later understand the implications the age gap will have on the overall condition and connection within the relationship.

 

Refrain from contacting him. IF he is truly looking for a serious relationship, he will have to make it up to you -and take appropriate responsibility [sans rapid progression and lust].

 

Oh, and his children. Are you ready and willing to be a step-mother?

 

Think well about this.

Sand&Water

[Lauriebell82]

i agree with island girl. ur making it way too easy for this dude. and i have a question..why does he always want u to call him? cant he call u? i find that weird that he is always asking u to call him. its like he wants u to do all the work which obviously u are ready and willing. stop making it so easy for this guy and hold back.

 

i agree too that u might want to think about the age difference..19 years is a lot! there may be some problems and issues with that in the future. my advice is just let him contact u and set something up. dont seem desperate or needy, guys really hate that. hang back and let him chase u a little bit.

[missdeathwish]

Whoooa, Nellie! Sounds like you had a fun time and some great sparks! My best advice to you is to step back and chill for a few days. The silly rule of thumb is three days before you call. Don't call. Let him call. It'll give you both time to breathe a bit. It'll also give him a chance to prove to you that he actually cares and is interested in getting to know you better.

 

One rule, though: no booty calls! Try to meet for lunch or something, when you both have to go to work, or otherwise CAN'T go home together. That'll give you the opportunity to see how you get along without the physical stuff. (Trust me, it's essential. Better to find out now than later.)