Maria33 Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I met a nice guy, we went out several times over the last month and talked every day or two. We had a short date last week, he asked to see me the next night but then ended up having to work. He didn't call Saturday, Sunday or Monday. Valentine's day was coming and I was getting anxious wondering if we were going to do something. I called him the day before and left a message asking if something was wrong. He called me back and said that he doesn't want to be commited right now. I guess he thought I did. He said we can still talk but he doesn't want me to get hurt. I did enjoy being with him but was careful not to make it into anything serious yet. If anything, he was the one asking the serious questions. I never questioned why he hadn't called or made him feel like I was waiting around for him. I would love to eventually have a relationship with this man if it turns into that. I feel like we took two steps back now though. What do I do now? Do I just casually call him after a week or so and ask if he wants to get together? Or, do I just leave him alone and hope that maybe he will want to see me? I'm really not good at that. If you have some ideas for me, I would appreciate it.
Violet_Sky Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 he has to miss you and realize he does want a relationship. Maybe he decided he just wasn't that interested after all, I mean that is what dating is for, and after you have dated a while you base your decision on whether to go to the 'next level' in the relationship or end it. I'm sorry there's really nothing you can do.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 i know its hard, but the only thing u can really do is just wait for him to call u. if u call him he might view that as being pushy and u dont want to push him away. on the other hand, maybe u should just try to move on. when guys say (granted not always) they dont want something serious or a committment it means that they dont want the committment and hastle of a gf. if this is something u are looking for then maybe it is best u leave him alone and move on. if u do start seeing each other and dont actually get serious, he may never actually want to and end up stringing u along. so hang back and make him come to u. if he thinks he has lost u maybe he'll rethink his whole plan to hold u at arms length. i know its hard but stay strong and keep ur options open. if some other guy asked u out go out with him! dont wait around for this dude to get off his butt.
Island Girl Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Don't call the guys until they are in it - involved. Seriously. If you go out a couple of times, let them make the moves and don't ever wait around for them to do it either. Make yourself busy and do not let a guy be a priority in your life until he demonstrates he is worthy (i.e. he treats you well and with respect) and the relationship has progressed to something more steady. Certainly with this guy - you called him and he told you he didn't want a girlfriend right now - that is kind of a kiss off - so DON'T call him at all. Delete his phone number so you aren't even tempted.
Author Maria33 Posted February 18, 2007 Author Posted February 18, 2007 Thanks. I know you all have good ideas. I'm so new to this I just never seem to do the right thing. I meet someone who I really like and I don't know how to handle it. I know I get too clingy and I know they don't like that. I do okay at first then when they seem to really be interested I guess I get excited about it. For example, before our last conversation where he told me he doesn't want to get serious, we had our most personal date ever. It went really good and we talked about things. We learned things about each other. Then he was the one who suggested we see each other the next night. Maybe you're right. Maybe if I back off, and he really does like me, and he's just scared, he will want to see me again. I really did think that he liked me. That's what makes it hard. How do you ever know? You think you know, then you don't. Dating is so hard. It sucks!
Island Girl Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Needy and desperate can come out in the way you say things or what you say. It is a great thing to recognize how clingy you are - stop that. It will send guys running for the hills. Same thing with needy clingy guys -- it just is, well, for lack of a better term - gross. Work on your self-confidence. You need to be the one thinking HE is lucky I am talking to HIM or spending time with HIM. Not the other way around. If you are confused by dating - making these kinds of mistakes (i.e. picking the wrong guys or moving along too eagerly) - make up some rules for yourself so you won't get into trouble. Like you won't call a guy until you have been out on at least 4 dates. Dates are going out somewhere not hanging out at home - so a guy isn't allowed to come over and just "hang out" nor do you go over and "hang out"over at his house (though you may want to) until after the 4 dates either. Think about the ways that you have made mistakes and keep yourself from making those same mistakes. And I really can not say enough about bolstering your self-esteem. It is crucial.
Trialbyfire Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Don't take second best. A guy has to want to be with you, not at his convenience but when it's the right time for both of you. Just kick back and chill until he comes around again. Don't wait for him though. Continue on with what you were doing before you met him. A guy who's afraid of commitment doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't like you. He could also be recovering from another relationship. Until he recovers and is ready for another relationship, he's probably not someone to date at present.
anatus Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 There is nothing like pressure to make a man run. You're better off leaving him alone and letting him come to you! Most times men feel pressure around V day - especially if they just started dating somebody. Most men feel they do not have to spend V day with somebody if they have not dated for more than 3 months. I hope you treated V day just like any other day. If it is meant to be, he'll come around and he'll come and get you. Just think of it this way, if it's meant to be, you have a life time. Give him this year to figure things out if you are that serious about him. Waiting for a man to come around is typical in my past experiences. The only downfall in my situations have been, by the time they come around, my heart felt it was time for me to move on. Men do move to the emotional attachment stage much slower than women. Most women I know can fall in love with a man at first sight. You have to feed men, take care of them, and let them screw up a few times before they recognize what they have. Most important, give them their space.
Island Girl Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 You have to feed men, take care of them, and let them screw up a few times before they recognize what they have. Bulls**t. Total complete crap. You do not have to feed men or take care of them for them to recognize what they have. My men have always fed and taken care of me. They have realized from the beginning what they had in me because I know what they had. It has never been my job to try to educate a man about how they should treat me. If they can't step up to the plate and treat me as I should be treated then they do not get to be with me, around me, or talk to me. And if they screw up - they are out - I don't have time for it.
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