lovekitten95 Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 How do you know if you are being used in a relationship, especially if that person is using you for their own personal gain?
Island Girl Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 When the relationship is really one sided. One person always pays, cares, makes the plans, makes the effort, etc. And the other person just seems to be along for the ride most of the time - also if they seem to cancel plans when something better comes along - and that something better is anything else. Telltale signs.
Author lovekitten95 Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 What if that person who does all the planning is very controlling and possessive? Does that make a difference?
Island Girl Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 It is the combination of things that tells the tale - but if the person is controlling and possessive in that way -- that everything has to be what they want to do or where they want to go without consideration of the other person that is unhealthy itself. And more than likely will cause problems eventually.
Author lovekitten95 Posted February 18, 2007 Author Posted February 18, 2007 ....does anyone else have any other opinions? I like to read a variety of posts.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 What if that person who does all the planning is very controlling and possessive? Does that make a difference? I'm not sure what you are asking. Are you asking if the controlling person who is putting in all the effort is the one being used, or is the controlling person who is putting all the effort into it is using the other person? Can you be more specific to the situation? What is going on that led you to ask the question?
Trialbyfire Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Yes, please be more specific. Is the use that you're concerned about on a mental, physical, emotional, financial or any combination of the four basis?
guin_girl Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 well as Island Girl said if "One person always pays, cares, makes the plans, makes the effort, etc." then you probably are being used. The only way to know is stop putting in effort, step back and let them come to you. I've done this, especially at the end of a relationship, you kinda know something is off... you seem to be making the calls and plans and they just kinda go along, not really telling you they aren't interested, not that they don't like you, but just aren't as interested in you as you are with them... well I stopped making plans, and reaching out... gee, never heard from them again. got my answer, don't like the answer, but I now know. As for "very controlling and possessive", get out of the relationship, that can turn very ugly and can be really hard to get out of when you need to.
Author lovekitten95 Posted February 18, 2007 Author Posted February 18, 2007 Yes, youre right I left people hanging without enough information. Well, I am trying to make sense of a situation a friend of mine is in. My friend is a quiet, laid-back guy who doesnt stand up for himself. he gets very stressed when he has a lot to do for people, but never says anything about it. Which I know creates the problem. His newly aquired girlfriend of 1 month (they had been on and off close friends for 3 years) is outgoing, never appologizes for her actions, can be warm and nice then when she doesnt get her way, turns cold, snubs him and wont talk to him. She controls his life. Where they go, when and how long. What friends he sees and when. She callsand emails all the time. They spend lunch hour and evenings together. She wont allow him to talk to other women, especially ones that he has talked to in the past, nor is he allowed to wander from her sight. I'm feel that since she can turn hot and cold so fast on him if she doesnt get her way then she may be using him.
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