BeDour Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 This may be a little lengthy, so I apologize in advance. Also: wasn't sure if this should go here or in the section about the O/M, O/W. So....sorry if this isn't the right place. Okay. There's this girl that I am in love with. At first I wasn't sure if I loved her or not. But as time when on I realized I really did. My biggest passion in life is fighting. I avidly train everyday in Kenpo and Muay Thai kickboxing. I plan to make a career out of it. But lately....I just don't feel like doing it. I don't feel like going to school and doing work (although I have to, bleh). I don't feel like hanging out with my friends. I don't feel like watching the monthly pay-per-view Ultimate Fighting Championship events (which normally I love watching). All I feel like doing is talking to her or being with her. She tells me she loves me too. Now I'm sure you're thinking "Well what the hell's the problem? Just be with the girl.". Not so simple. Get ready for a story if you're willing to listen. Winter of 2005-2006 her and I dated from around November through until the beginning of February. I decided I just didn't feel the same way about her, and broke things off. It was not a bad break up, and we still continued to be friends. Around May-ish, we started getting flirty again. And decided that over the summer we were going to do a friends with benefits type thing, because we agreed that we were both still sexually attracted to one another. But I had no intensions of getting back with her in a relationship. Well throughout the summer we hung out many times, and followed through with the friends with benefits thing. All the while though she was kind of being an unofficial girlfriend to this other guy John who lives in Maryland (she sees him when she visits her dad down there). But what did I care? We were just friends with benefits. Didn't bug me a bit. Everything was working out great. A little too great. By the end of summer we both started liking each other, and wanted a relationship. So she decided that she was going to break it off with John and commit to me. Which she did 100%. She cared about me so much, and I cared about her too. Just not as much as she cared for me. But as school started in September, and time ran through to November, things were working out just fine. Then I met this girl Dawn who goes to her school. Dawn and I started talking and I guess I started getting interested in her as well. So here I am with a girl that cares about me so much and I'm with (unofficially), and Dawn who is this new and exciting girl that just strikes my interest. Well Nikki (the girl I was unofficially with) found out that I hung out with Dawn a few times and was interested in her a little. Needless to say Nikki = not happy. She chewed me out for a good hour and stopped talking to me. But I didn't really care because I just kept on hanging out with Dawn. I mean I cared, but it wasn't killing me. Time goes on, and it's now early January of this year. Dawn and I....didn't work out. The reason? I for some freaking reason, cannot get Nikki out of my head. I felt terrible for what I did to her after she gave me her heart, and I missed her. I tried very hard to just ignore the feelings but they wouldn't go away. So I emailed her a very lengthy and genuine apology. Thankfully she accepted my apology and we began talking again. Although she made it very clear that she was not going to "like" me again. Turns out her and John are back "together" (they aren't officially bf and gf but they tell each other they love each other and they act like they are). I, just happy that I am talking to her again, was content with her saying she wouldn't like me again although I had feelings for her. Within two weeks of her saying that, her and I went to the movies and she kissed me very deeply and emotionally. Within another week of that kiss, her and I decided we were in love with each other (but those feelings have been growing since we first met. we never really stopped caring for each other). Welcome to the present. The girl I love and who loves me back, is split between myself and John. What's the problem? I got her from him once before, so why not just do it again right? Wrong. She (over the time her and I weren't talking) had grown pretty attached to him. And this kid is like Mr. Perfect, let me tell ya. He so sweet and nice and caring blah blah blah. But he's also just weird. He recently told Nikki that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. He's 16! That naturally freaked her out a bit. But she brushed it off. Although she has told me that she can see herself (months down the road) with me easier then she can see herself with him. So it all boils down to this. Basically I'm competing with John to win Nikki's heart. I am so in love with this girl it's ridiculous. I can't get her out of my mind. But it seems like no matter what I do to make her have stronger feelings for me than for him, it just doesn't work. This John never seems to make a wrong move. She says she likes us both 50-50. This is such a difficult situation. I love her and she loves me, but she also really really likes this other guy John. I need help. I do romantic things like get her flowers and little bears and write her poems. And she LOVES it all. It all makes her so happy. She tells me how happy I make her and all this. But like no matter what I do, the minute she sees John again everythings back to 50-50. See she goes to her dad's every other weekend, and John lives in that area. So for the two weeks shes here with me, she her feelings grow stronger for me than her feelings for John, but right when she gets down there to her dads and sees John for the whole weekend; it's all back to 50-50. Square one. And I have to start aaaaall over when she leaves her dad's and comes back. It's a vicious cycle that I can't seem to break. I feel like I'm getting no where. I desperately need a solution. Do I relentlessly keep up what I'm doing until John fades away? Do I give up? Is there something I can do to break this cycle and get her to care for me more then him perminantly? I really need an answer. Please help. I know that was long and I'm sorry.
Author BeDour Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 I don't mean to double post, sorry. But, no one can help me? This is such an important situation to me. Please? Someone?
Island Girl Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 This is when NC works. - Sorry but it is really the only way. NC because it is tormenting you so you need to put your foot forward to walk away. You are stuck right now in an endless cycle that could go on and on but in the meantime you really aren't happy. You made the mistake of not wanting her when you had her. That could also be a huge reason why you want her back too. Either she is going to commit to you fully or not. If it is "not" then you HAVE to move on and torturing yourself constantly by hanging out with her when she won't be yours is just stringing yourself along. Get out of the game. There's always the chance she'll miss all that time with you - she generally sees you more than "John" - and she'll come back to you for good but as long as you are making it so easy for her to have both of you that's of course what she'll do - have both of you.
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Within another week of that kiss, her and I decided we were in love with each other I know you're hurting right now, but I just don't think things work this way. You don't just decide that you love someone but then like another guy too. She can't love two people at the same time like that; that's lust at best. I agree that NC is the way to go with this one. You deserve someone wholly, not only when she's at her mom's house.
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