brightsky000 Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Long story short.... meet guy. become best friends. decide we have crushes. start making-out and end up in a weird funk of are we friends are we more. This went on for three and half months. The friendship for six. So last night I was sick and tired of not knowing what the deal was. Because it felt like more than just dating. Lately I'd been backing off and being a little rude because his actions hurt me. (his best friend is a girl and she sleeps in his bed with him when she crashes there every once in a great while.) He also didn't wish me a happy Valentine's day and talks on his phone all the time to people when I'm around. He does that to everyone. So I let him know I was annoyed, that this was why I'd closed up. Basically we both were too scared to say what we wanted in the early stages to really let the relationship develop into its potential of being ridiculously great. (apparently it must not have been supposed to work. )Because of the weirdness and his actions I started doubting him and I pushed him away. I told him that I was interested in being exclusive but there were so many things that needed fixing with the way he treated me. And I realize that perhaps I was a bit shy because I've never been in a serious relationship, let alone with one that started out as just friends. So I told him I didn't have the patience to wait around too long for things to get fixed. He said that he likes me but not like he used to because there wasn't a natural progression with the relationship. He didn't say it was over, but I'm taking it that way. I'm tired of the anxiety of it all. I'm cutting him off as a friend too because I can't handle the thought or sight of him being with another girl if we were in a social setting. Am I doing the right thing or the wrong thing? He's one of my best friends and we have so much fun it hurts. What do I do? How do I get over this? I don't ever open up to guys and this was the first one and look where it's gotten me.
ratingsguy Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 (his best friend is a girl and she sleeps in his bed with him when she crashes there every once in a great while.) That's a bad bad bad bad BAD sign. Would you accept that from a potential boyfriend? No way I'd accept that from a potential girlfriend. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he's either immature, or just isn't very much interested in being with you. How old are you guys?
shockandawed Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Hi Brightsky, Welcome!! It sounds like you definitely did the right thing. Congrats!! The relationship didn't "naturally progress" because he didn't allow it to. Seems very immature and concerned only about himself. I have no problem with a SO having friends of the opposite sex, but they don't share a bed. I know the feelings you are experiencing very well. It goes away. You just picked the wrong guy to open up with. Not your fault at all. You will get over it by moving along and keeping him out of your life. You are absolutely correct in realizing you can't have anything to do with him. Stand strong on that and it will get better quickly. You will find someone who will make you want to do that again, and will actually do the same back for you. Thats when it gets good. Hang in there and best of luck!
Author brightsky000 Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 He's 22 and I'm 25. I should have known what I was getting myself into. =( I also think we both are a bit immature. I don't have a lot of relationship experience because I'm scared to let people in the event something like this happens. UGH.
justagirlforever Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Did you not see the replies in this thread (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t112525/) when you asked all these questions about "do I deserve better" (just asking because you never responded back on that thread)? So a brief little intro on the situation with the guy: Randomly because really really good friends. We decided we had crushes. A month later we finally kiss. Since, its been three months and things have progressed beyond kissing. And now I don't know what's going on because he talks about how much he likes me. He wants to get an apartment together. He is in contact with friends and relatives that he hasn't met online through myspace, etc. BUT.....he sends lots of mixed signals. Here is why I think I deserve better: 1.) One of his best friends is a girl. She likes him a WHOLE lot and he knows this. Yet, when she needs to crash at his apartment, he lets her sleep with him because he feels bad telling her no when she follows him to his bed. I approached him about it asking what was going on. He said absolutely nothing, that he isn't attracted to her like that at all. BUT...when I'm around her with him she is all over him. Touching him, hugging him, rubbing his back, stomach, etc. while making eye contact with me the whole time. Fun times, I know. 2.) He does this with everyone around him, but it really pisses me off because he is always talking or texting someone on his phone. 3.) He likes to bring up how his ex-girlfriend is trying to be friends with him again. He actually called me while he was waiting on her when they met up recently. Then texted me during it saying how ackward it was. 4.) The girl best friend doesn't like me and when he hangs out with her, she won't let he get in text me or talk to me on the phone. And he listens to her. 5.) One day we were making out and the best friend called to go workout at the gym, he actually stopped and said, "I don't want to, but I gotta go. I promised." 6.) He has lots of friends that are girls that I sense he leads on. I flat out asked him if he was leading me on and he said "no, unless I'm leading you to me." 7.) Yesterday was Valentines Day....after three months you would think you would get an acknowledgement of the holiday....and I dont' mean a card or gift, but a "happy valentines day." When I wished him one he totally avoided it. My guess is that his best friend locked him into some plans and he didn't want to bring it up in fear I would mention something about hanging out or whatever. Not even a "Happy Valentines Day." He found out I sent his best guy friend a valentine and he got mad, asking about his valentine. I told him i didn't send him one because he's been so hot and cold. We got into a big discussion about what is going on. No conclusion was made except that we both feel the same about each other and are just really shy. BUT....he also said that I'm not affectionate enough and that the fact that I've never been in a serious relationship worries him. ok, sorry that was a lot. But I'm a very focused person with huge goals that I've set for myself my entire life. I just turned 25 and its true, I've never been in a serious relationship because I just haven't made the time to allow myself to seriously date and too attached to someone. Now I have a lots of emotions invested in this guy but its all so exhausting, the lack of communication. I feel like I deserve better because I try to make it work and I try to be more affectionate. What do I do?
Trialbyfire Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 This boy's a player and very selfish to boot. Move on and find someone who will treat you the way that you deserve to be treated.
Grrlish Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 (his best friend is a girl and she sleeps in his bed with him when she crashes there every once in a great while.) Personally, I wouldn't think that there would be anything else to talk about after know this. ...and talks on his phone all the time to people when I'm around. He does that to everyone. If he was truly interested in you, he wouldn't go this to you. ...there were so many things that needed fixing with the way he treated me. Move along, darlin'. He knows how he's treating you. If he wanted to treat you better, he would. All I see (from what you've written) is complete disrespect from him to you. Don't waste your time on someone who treats you this way. There's a guy out there looking for you and wants to treat you wonderfully...but you have to be emotionally available to notice him first.
Author brightsky000 Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 thank you all for the support. It's comforting to know that I still made the right decision despite all the pain that is coming from it. Now....how to get the what ifs off my mind....oh boy, the things we get ourselves into.
Curmudgeon Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Don't say "cutting it off" when there are men around. It makes us nervous! If things need to be "fixed" in a relationship right from the get-go then the relationship probably doesn't have much of a chance at survival. A sound relationship begins with enough commonality to make the differences relatively unimportant. If there are big issues it's better to look elsewhere.
Author brightsky000 Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 hehe eeeek. sorry about the "cutting it off" hehe, didn't think about that.
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