Now on two weeks of NC

[oyster]

Actually it's not until this coming Saturday. It's just a reason for me to get out of the house... I'm not going to take it too seriously... just have fun with it and see what happens.

 

Haven't seen you posting much lately... hope you're doing well!

ok ok I will go update my thread

[Guest]

RG.. you are doing great.. f&ck the 3 month deal and go live your life..

 

Yeah, really! Grow some balls! I mean that in the most loving way possible. Women hate wusses. She is not calling because she's not into you. If she was, she'd be climbing over all sorts of walls to get to you.

 

I am a woman and I can't believe all the omega males here that get cheated on or dumped and then wonder why. Women NEED (not want, NEED) a strong man, not one who is shedding tears over her when she dumps him.

 

Seriously, do some research on what makes alpha males "alpha" and why they get all the women and the respect/admiration from women and then apply those principles to your own life.

 

Cheers!

[MoonGirl]

Guest,

 

Sometimes relationships are more complicated than that.

 

I ended up marrying an alpha male who couldn't meet any of my emotional needs. Now I would MUCH rather spend my time with a man who has some visible emotions, who is willing to communicate, and eager to meet my emotional needs. IMHO, Mature women don't respect and admire a man simply because he's a tough alpha male. Mature women respect and admire a man for his empathy, principles, education, ability to meet emotional needs, etc.

[minucha]

my heart goes for you.... this no contact business you are doing won't help much, cause you are living under the hope of picking on things or improving it within few months.. i advice you to work towards not meeting with her nor seeing her ever again, unless she comes to you single and willing to stay with you for ever... i know that nc hurts alot, but time heals all sorrows.... i wish you peace and love in what ever you decide upon... cheers

[Guest]

I agree with the other posters and especially the Guest who said that ypur Xmm is not that into you.

 

You are not dealing with a mm who lives under the same roof as her husband where things might be getting tricky at home so she is backig off.

 

She is for all intents and purposes, a single woman who can please herself as to whom she sees, and it is not YOU. Basically she is not that interested in you (surely you can see that). You are prolonging your agony by fixating on the May deadline.

For gods sake get a grip. I think that if you post a new thread entitled "Week 3 and 10 hours and 5 minutes into NC" most people won't bother replying!

[Guest]

Dont know if this is the right forum, probably not but here I go...

 

I was involved in a r/s, started out with minor chats, whatever small talk and we became very close and spent together. At this time I was alone and didn't have many friends, lonely you could say; he brought me out of my doldrum existence. We never really exclaimed our r/s feelings but it would fair to say love was in the air. However you may look at. At first I denied the feelings but they overwhelmed me in more ways than one. As a matter of fact, I held those feelings so tightly inside, I was surprised when he was no longer in my life how alone I felt. I enjoyed our times together and he brought out the best in me. He was full of energy and yeah could be fool of it too. HA!

 

Just goes to show don't underestimate closeness of another especially when you percieve it gone. Well, to the point, I moved, and as time continued he being a savoi faire man about town, I expected he would find a g/f in time and tried to concentrate on getting my/life together. And as of most recently, I know he had reattached himself to g/f of his past and I know he knows I know, I said nothing but felt the sting. As this continued his treatment towards me helping or being supportive was met with him expressing disdain or ruthless insults to battered whim.

 

I started to dread the moodiness, and my job, physically draining, resorted to not enjoying the offer to help at all. The demands started to affect my time as I said again my job is physical and requires 4-6 hours of non-stop labor. Yeah there are breaks, but added to the emotional transitions I started to feel the wrath and avoid him. I prefer a positive outlook but if given a choice I started to feel used and I was. I refuse to address this kind of nonsense any further assured it would continue to escalate down. You either are appreciative or don't ask for my presense or help. Of course this goes both ways. I tend to be overly consciencetious and never overstay or abuse my time or him.

 

However, I feel now that the obvious reason his reactions were due to overwrought frustration that we had no control of. Yeah. And I certainly did my most to be independant of him or others w/issues I restrained. Also the bottome line I,willing to remain in contact, within reason,but to curtail our meetings due necessary changes that required me to have more control to get ahead. Sadly, I believe he took this as a rejection and the emotional outbursts towards me were now taken place of the enjoyable, time it did.

 

And yes, he appeared to have moved on in his love life however his priorities became evident. [Ok, he moves on, feeling left out but yeah acceptable, as I needed to address my life and get ahead. ] But it stemmed I believe from this. I had to accept this and did. But he became adament and angry if for any reason I had other priorities or just too drained to meet an unpredictable event, job, hey things come up! Or find myself cornered in a mess clawing to get out of.

 

There also were one sided events I recall that it just didn't feel right anymore regardless of how I tried in vain to explain. I did not look forward to him and sadly the time just went dead. I needed to either address this calmly, maturely and yes the truth may hurt or walk. Now this...

 

Then unfortunate happened. Insult to injury hurtful {words} exchanged and it got out of hand and this frightened me to know end. I tend to be very private concerning my personal affairs and this jolted me right up and out! Maybe if I had been alert and feeling stronger i could of blasted this out BUT!....Noooooooo. It was stupid and ugly mess.

 

The day didn't start out very well. I got up early that morning as usual only to find out I wasn't due to arrive to work hours later. So I went to the store around the corner, hoping it was open as it was very early. As I pay for my purchase, the man behind the cashier counter looked very strange. His eyes rolled into his head and BAM he passed out and hit his head on the back wall, this happened twice! I run behind looking at his body shaking and proceeded to call 911, phone doesn't work, Great.

 

Then realising the man wasn't waking I then concentrated on 'waking' him up. Finally he did, I sat him on a chair, went and got him some ice for his head was bleeding. I run outside yelling at air, see a young boy on a bike and asked if he had a cell phone. He did, and he dialed the 911. Well, to make a long story short they checked his vitals, called his wife, and they took him to the hospital. Poor guy.

 

Not being in a robust mood, this shattered my nerves,

 

The rest of day continues uneventful, then later in the evening had to work an extra hour I hadn't planned on as I was to meet my sister later. I was exhausted!

 

Then the surprise and awful scene occured, not once but twice. I understand that there are reasons or ways to best deal with a bad situation that escalates, and I usually find it easier to try to find resolve rather than confront a bad gone worse. I was so caught off guard to say the least. I know it will never happen again.

 

However, what perplexed me about this whole ordeal, was what was once an enjoyable measure of friendship, love and concern for another it began its spiral downward and out of control. Our friendship over time worsened. I couldn't recapture the fun and either did he. His exterior motives and happier outlook were affected, obvious and I felt that this r/s and my life were becoming negative and rather mundane.

 

Hopeful still, truthfully am working on resolving some of my personal problems ~ daily. He does not see my hardship and I suppose I keep it under wraps. But after awhile I started to feel less inclined to even visit or be with any friends I had aquired recently. So i can see where it would appear that whoever was around may sense my uneasiness or maybe depression.

 

Also try to Explain this to others while they don't hear or witness an aggravated insult, or mental' deprivation that creates ongoing anxiety. Not that everyday is bad, but I have felt that my ex friend had started dating which I can assume is healthier than remaining single as he had a number of ladies in waiting.

 

Now, after all this short highlighted negativity, and there more I will say, and yes to be fair this extends to me also reacting cold or hurtful too, should or would YOU try to find amends to the situation, give it a fair chance or feel that people move on and perhaps another time, maybe! would find us better equipped to ideally transend happier and respected viewpoint to another?

 

As stated, i have regrets too, I miss my friend more than I expected, and feel sad and find myself alone and teary that it best to move on and say be gone.

 

Any suggestions? Friends? Foe, uh, enemies willing?

[ratingsguy]

Thanks for the well wishes. I prefer to think that my situation is different than most. Long story short - my MW became recently separated after 22 years of marriage. She is in love with me, but needs time to herself... time that she has not had in all those years. I refer you to the link earlier in this thread. A woman can't be expected to jump right into a relationship right after getting out of one. Despite how she feels about me, that would be the wrong move, she would regret it and then end up resenting me. I'm giving her the time she needs so that there is a greater liklihood that if and when we get back into a R it lasts. Mentally, through NC, I'm prepping for the end, which is the worst case scenerio. Just covering all my bases, so to speak.

[puddleofmud]

Alpha to Wimp: sometimes it takes a strong MAN to sincerely understand himself. Power is not alpha--concentrated self-awareness is not wimpy.

As an empowered, well educated, self-aware, loving, street-wise, passionate female: I completely disagree with your diatribe generalizing about what women may want or need.

I would tend to support that the presented ideal of a male a med-evil ideal, ludicrous at best and most boring.

This is 2007 from what I can recall? Men do have feelings these days and are allowed to express them?

I am very disappointed that one would perceive someone who has a heart as one who is less than "virile".

I would think that the vast majority of females would prefer a male with the ability to express ones self so graciously?

Perhaps I am wrong and still seeking an alpha male with the man balls to drag me off by my hair and get myself some grunting and screwing in his cave?

 

Yeah, really! Grow some balls! I mean that in the most loving way possible. Women hate wusses. She is not calling because she's not into you. If she was, she'd be climbing over all sorts of walls to get to you.

 

I am a woman and I can't believe all the omega males here that get cheated on or dumped and then wonder why. Women NEED (not want, NEED) a strong man, not one who is shedding tears over her when she dumps him.

 

Seriously, do some research on what makes alpha males "alpha" and why they get all the women and the respect/admiration from women and then apply those principles to your own life.

 

Cheers!

[Guest]

Thanks for the well wishes. I prefer to think that my situation is different than most. Long story short - my MW became recently separated after 22 years of marriage. She is in love with me, but needs time to herself... time that she has not had in all those years. I refer you to the link earlier in this thread. A woman can't be expected to jump right into a relationship right after getting out of one. Despite how she feels about me, that would be the wrong move, she would regret it and then end up resenting me. I'm giving her the time she needs so that there is a greater liklihood that if and when we get back into a R it lasts. Mentally, through NC, I'm prepping for the end, which is the worst case scenerio. Just covering all my bases, so to speak.

 

Just one comment RG--SHE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU. Even if she needs some time time to herself to adjust to the end of her 22 year marrage, she would at least maintain SOME contact with you, albeit a phone call once or twice a week. YOU are already under the bus and it is about time you realised it.

You only react to posters who tell you what you want to hear!

[ratingsguy]

Just one comment RG--SHE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU. Even if she needs some time time to herself to adjust to the end of her 22 year marrage, she would at least maintain SOME contact with you, albeit a phone call once or twice a week. YOU are already under the bus and it is about time you realised it.

You only react to posters who tell you what you want to hear!

 

What you are forgetting is that it was ME who asked for the NC, not her. She wanted to stay in contact while seeing less of each other, while I thought it best that we cut off contact for a while.

[oyster]

Just one comment RG--SHE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU. Even if she needs some time time to herself to adjust to the end of her 22 year marrage, she would at least maintain SOME contact with you, albeit a phone call once or twice a week. YOU are already under the bus and it is about time you realised it.

You only react to posters who tell you what you want to hear!

I think you might be right to maintain contact on agreed dates.

[Art_Critic]

What would be your reason for holding on to something that no longer exists and won't exist in the future ?

 

I know when I have done that type of thing there is always a reason behind all the crappy bs besides love etc. etc.

What is missing in your life that is making you grasp on to this last straw ?.. Why should you ? She didn't .

[ratingsguy]

What would be your reason for holding on to something that no longer exists and won't exist in the future ?

 

Nobody knows what's going to happen for sure in the future. Like I said, I think my situation is different than most. She needs the opportunity to have time to herself now that she's separated, so she doesn't regret it in the future. She has a LOT of emotions to sort through right now. I'm preparing for the worst, while hoping for the best. I don't doubt the feelings she has for me, but I understand why she needs space.

 

What is missing in your life that is making you grasp on to this last straw ?.. Why should you ? She didn't .

 

She can't right now. And for the reasons I've already mentioned, I understand... and I'm mature enough to give her the time she needs. This period of NC will be beneficial to both of us.

[Guest]

RG--OK you asked for NC because she only wanted to remain "friends. Is that correct?

If so then that is telling you something from her part. The "romantic/emotional" side of things are over for her and she isn't even interested in a phone call once a week or so to say she is missing you. What would be the harm in her breaking your NC because you would love for her to call. You are going NC with the hope that she will miss you and return to you. I think she has moved on with her life which is more than you are doing.

 

There is no relationship and a few more months of your life goes past while you anticipate "May" which will probably be like February in the amount of contact you are going to get from her.

She was only ever offering you friendship and you went NC. If you can't handle being friends with her (and I fully understand that because you have feelings for her), then accept it. You are not 18 days or whatever it is into NC--YOU are 18 days into your new life since she ended the affair by wanting her space. See the dfference.

I think Art Critic, Oyster and a few others will agree but you won't.