bperl Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I have posted here before, with my story as follows: Wife turned off like a switch Dec 3 2006. Found out she was having an EA with a coworker at the end of December. Had her move out at the end of Dec. as she was not acting interested in working on the marriage. Multiple counselors and a psychiatrist said that there is nothing truly wrong with the marriage other than working on reigniting communication. I am being treated for depression brought on by all of this (I am doing quite well now, thank you). Last Saturday I pulled a 180 on her , asking for a divorce (after trying to say that we could work on the marriage one last time, and having her say some pretty harsh things). Once I did that, she acted pretty taken aback, and even stated that she was not sure that she was ready to file. I have gone NC with her except 3 text messages (one to tell her that a family member from Europe was trying to contact her). I even ignored her on V-Day. So, anyone here have any success with the 180 or any 180 advice?
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I guess what you need to do is analyze why you pulled the 180. Was it to get a reaction out of her? If so, then that wasn't a good move. If you are honestly ready for a divorce, however, then you should proceed with it.
polywog Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Are you reading a good book about this stuff? " The Divorce Remedy" (can't remember the name of the author) has chapters about 180s and what to expect, how to handle it, and has good examples. It's probably at a local library, check it out. Oh, BTW the author's website is "Divorcebusting" (I think). I have looked at her site, but haven't signed on to it. I've heard it's good, but can't say from personal experience.
Author bperl Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 Yes, I have read the divorce remedy and even hired a DB coach. I do not really want a divorce, but I also do not want to be her doormat. when I 180'ed on her, it seemed to shock her, but we have essentialy gone NC for the last 8 days (just a few text messages -- she sent a hope you day is going well on V-day, to which I did not reply). It is just so hard not knowing anything about your spouse or what they are up to for so long after being with them for so many years. I am moving on without her, going out with friends, going to the gym, and redoing a room in the house.
tonyp56 Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Yeah, I seen some of what you describe when I hired an attorney and filed for divorce (had enough, gave ex-wife $ to file, to which she made excuses for 4 months about how the lawyer wasn't calling her back--from time I went to see lawyer until papers were filed was a week for me!--and then she broke the camels back when she stopped paying for van that we had in both of our names and decided to wait a month to tell me). Suddenly, ex-wife started fighting me, about stupid stuff, stuff that we either agreed to early on, or perhaps something that we agreed to 2 weeks before court, to which she brought her mom and sister-in-law with her and suddenly, what we had agreed upon wasn't good enough. On the advice of my attorney, I told my ex-wife that I wouldn't fight her for joint custody, to which my ex-wife asked "may I ask, what made you not want to fight?" when I answered her "because, I know that my kids will always be mine, and it was better for them for us not to fight" she didn't talk to me for 2 weeks! In my mind, she wanted a fight, she wanted to drag the divorce out that much more. Now was that because she didn't want a divorce, or was it because she wanted control? I don't know. One final note, we had a uncontested no fault divorce, and ex-wife signed, after final court date I sent her a text message that it was over (she legally didn't have to be there, because she had already signed). She got upset and asked "why didn't you tell me today was court?" Never did say why it bothered her, just that she wanted to be there. Why? I don't know, nor do I believe I'll ever know. Anyways, 180's can get some attention, but will it make your wife come back? I doubt it. And like others have said, don't file for divorce, until you're ready, because, you can only cry wolf so many times before people stop paying attention to you, that includes your wife.
Woggle Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Don't do a 180 for her. Do it for you. I love my wife but if she were to ever divorce me I would be okay and perfectly capable of moving on with life and being happy. With everything I have been though a divorce will not hurt me too much and I refuse to let a woman bring me down. Sometimes 180s can drive a woman insane though. My ex wife could not stand the fact that I thrived without her and was happy. When I found another woman it sealed the deal that she would never have me and she did something that landed her in prison. Women truly can't stand when a man does not care.
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