iamsofoolish80 Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 7 years ago, at the age of 19, I became involved with a young lady who was amazing. She was 19 as well, at the time. We became really good friends, and spent so much time together. After 4 months, our relationship moved from a friendship to an intimate relationship, and we crossed the line and took it to boyfriend/girlfriend status. We had the best time. After 1 year, we moved in together. I was in college, encouraged her to go back to school as she wanted to, helped her find a better job as she was stressing financially, and helped her with her music career. We've been best friends all along... Ok, let's fast forward... in the past 2 years, we've been having quite a bit disagreements... over what? EVERYTHING! It was almost as she felt the need to debate with me on everything. She started saying I never wanted to listen. I was treating her as my child. She needed independence, needed to find herself, needed space... in December of '06 she moved back with her mom until she finds her own apartment. WHICH SHE HAS YET TO FIND! So much from independence. She should've just said she wanted to be free from me. Well, during this time, she set ground rules on what was cheating. In late Jan, I was tipped off about her myspace password, I logged in and found an email from a guy, that I know as well and had been working with him on his music career, and in the email he said he missed her. I noticed the email had been replied to and it said that she missed him also with terms of endearment. So I immediately called her and confronted her... all she can do was cry about it, apologize, but insists it was not cheating and that they had not been sexually intimate. That it happened after she left back to her mom's house. Well, sounds to me like all this was planned. Sounds like she knew she needed to leave to be with him and funny thing is he lives 15 mins from mom, and well, 1 hour and 30 mins from our place together. I insisted to her this was something going on behind the scenes... I know she definitely did not cheat on me prior to leaving my house so I feel good about that, I mean in the physical sense of it, cause any kind of written communication on a deeper emotional level is still cheating to me, at that point, I asked her if she regretted kissing him and she said no... that she regretted hurting me, because I didn't deserve to be hurt. And that she didn't say anything abou tthe kiss because she wasn't sure if she wanted to pursue anything further with him and that she still loves me and is in love with me, but just is so sick fo fighting with me and that we cannot fix things and go back to how they were. Well, I can't blame EVERYTHING on her... ALTHOUGH... she will admit to the fact that I treated her like a QUEEN! I did things that 99% of men won't do for their girlfriends and wives. BUT the arguments started to stain the goodness in our relationship. She is at a stage right now where she is sick of hearing from people how perfect I was, and is resentful for it. Because she's even said... I forgot... u're Mr. Perfect. Because this guy she kissed is a low life. Drug Addict, Deadbeat Dad, 2 Failed Marriages, No Job, No Legal Source of Income, Lives from Place to Place, whereever he can crash his head. He's an old dude with a dream to make it in the business and the only reason I helped him was because he was helping her. Anyway, Personally I think he was her rebound. Her shoulder to cry on. At this point, she and I met yesterday and had a conversation, a GREAT one, and then she said, I don't want to lead you on or give you false hopes... I really think the best decision is for us not to be together. I do not think we can make things work. And she said, I don't think you can be my friend because right now you resent me too much. She said, with all this resent, I am insignificant in her life. Whatever... at this point... I'm so hurt. I hope all this comes back and hits her in her face and she regrets every minute of it. This guy is NO BETTER than me! She even said, You can give me the world, you can shower me with love, you can give me everything I've ever wanted, in terms of attention, this and that, but right now, I'm not happy. I'm not happy with myself, with us, or where my life is going. Now her life is really going no where fast. At least before I was proposing to her in Jan '07 and the next step was marriage and children as we've talked about 2 weeks before she left!!! And this was all brought up by her!!! Last week she said she loved me, misses me, etc. Yesterday she didn't even want to touch upon it. She said, you don't need to know all that... You just need to know where we stand. She said, I'm sorry you're hurt, but we're not going to work... I'm just so lost right now... I dn't even know where to begin to collect my pieces. All I know is that I desire her in my life. I want her back!
Cossette4 Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Change the number "7" to "5" and you pretty much have my story. Shortened version in case you don't want to read my 70 posts : *Dated since I was 16 and he was 17 *Great relationship for 4 years *In the 5th year, lots of fighting *I go to NYC for the summer *He visits me, buys me flowers, talks about marriage *Get a phone call 2 weeks later saying it's over b/c we are "different" *Come home and find out he's started dating a girl at work a week after the breakup and they LIVE TOGETHER NOW (which we didn't even do!!) *Girl at work is bisexual, a high school dropout, has a website where she posts naked pics of herself wrapped in duct tape and bubble wrap for guys and girls to "rate her," super trashy MySpace page, piercings and tattoos galore.....(I'm the EXACT opposite of all of this) *I try to confont him and he's totally cold and says ridiculously hurtful things that make me feel worthless *I wonder if he cheated on me and left me for her or if she's there b/c he's rebounding and too insecure to be alone *I keep dwelling on it and get no answers, only more hurt when I find that they've taken professional photos together and posted them on Myspace *It's been 7 months, and I haven't heard one word. I assume they still live together but at this point, I don't care because if THAT'S who he wants, and if THAT'S the way he treats people he's been with for 5 years, then YUCK. I want nothing to do with him. My Advice: *You might feel the same way in a few months, even though it seems impossible to do that now. *GO NC because if you don't, you'll just get more stabbing pain with phone calls, meetings, and Myspaces. *Stay on this board, vent when you need to, and read the posts of others--you aren't alone.
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