confusedandempty Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 The fact is that we broke up 4 months ago after about 6-7 month long relationship. I'm rather closed personality and she was my first love and probably the first girl I gave all my heart to. Should not have done that, because she crushed it. The first months of the relationship were wonderful. Felt the tickling feeling in my stomach every day and was excited to meet her in the evening. But in the en things were getting pretty boring sometimes. Mainly because of us not being able to spend a lot of time together, usually because of her jelous sister who didn't like me that much around. Just wanted to have her sister all by herself. Her sister is not the issue here though. All this lead to me thinking about ending the relationship. I was gonna end the relationship - but didn't have the guts to do it one morning we met. Instead I told her about the things that I wasn't all that happy with in our relationship. Apparantly it happened to be bothering both of us and we agreed to work on it. 2 weeks later she broke up with me. I hate myself for not having been the one to end it. Well ... as you can see ... it was a relationship that I wasn't all that happy in. But she was my first love and blahh... That leads us to last night. I haven't seen my ex since early november. I haven't called, messaged, myspaced or anything. It was going pretty great until last night. I got out of a bar and my friend said: "hahaha...how can it be that you didn't see her". My ex and I had both been in the bar for about 2 hours and she had walked by our table 20 times that evening and apparantly I didn't see her one time. I just got a sting in the stomach when he mentioned that. My night was ruined. Which is leads us tho the question, WHY?? I spoke to another friend of mine who is working as a bartender in the bar. She's (friend) not very considerate as she had to tell me everything that my ex did last night. Including telling me that my ex was kissing some guy all night long. I just went crazy. Why the f*** do people have to tell me everything that my ex does. I simply hate it. But I don't get why this bothers me so much. Especially because I met this wonderful girl few weeks ago and we've been seeing each other for few weeks now with all the kissing and everything. Why does it bother my sooo much that my ex is going on with her life ... just like I'm going on with my life in the other corner. I think it might be time for me to seek some professional assistance. Or do you guys think that it will just lead to further thoughts about my ex. I just simply know that I can't go on with my life thinking that much about a girl that I was just about to break up with. This might be some serious insecurity issue or something. I just don't know. But I do know that something has to be done. Is there anything you can share with me to ease everything that's going on in my head. I just hate thinking about this girl 100 times a day!!
RocketMan2 Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 She's (friend) not very considerate as she had to tell me everything that my ex did last night. Including telling me that my ex was kissing some guy all night long. I just went crazy. Why the f*** do people have to tell me everything that my ex does. I simply hate it. Thats pretty crappy. I've told all my close friends that if they find anything out like that, to keep it from me. But I know that ill bump into some idiot like your friend that just blurts out "oh i saw your ex in town with her new bf" or something Great. There are alot of naive/inconsiderate people in this world. I don't really know what to say advice wise, just letting you know I understand Rocket
Author confusedandempty Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 Yep, it is just incredibly rude to do something like this. I've told all my close friend not to talk about her when I'm near. And they are really my friends and don't do things like that. For an example, one of my closest friend works with her 3-4 times a week and he hasn't mentioned her once since we broke up. I'm not all that bothered because of the kissing. I mean ... there are 4 months since we broke up and what she does with her life doesn't concern me anymore. Also, I've been seeing this other girl and it would just piss me off if my ex would try to affect my life now. And the best thing is that the guy she was kissing last night was hitting on her all the time we were together, obviously she settled for the second best ... It just bothers me that some people always have to tell me about it every time she goes to the toilet, if you know what I mean
guin_girl Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I don't think that friend wasn't meaning to be malicious. He did make a point of not telling you that she was there while you were at the bar. And I think I might have said the same thing too if she had been walking by 20 something times. He might have been thinking, "man he really is over her", if he didn't even see her. And honestly, I think it's kinda funny, she was doing this whole "act" with the prancing around and PDA and you were completely oblivious... you couldn't have planned that any better to show you weren't in the slightest bit interested!! But I do know what you mean about not wanting to hear about an ex. I would get weekly updates about him, who he was hanging with, what he was doing, and what the flavor of the night looked like. I would ask my friends repetitively not to give me updates. There response was that they wanted me to move on and if I heard about what a jerk/player he was I would get over them. No, it didn't, just made me feel more like crap, that I wasn't all that special if he could move on that quick.
Road Rage Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Misery loves company. Some people like to share things they percieve will make you hurt. It is caused by the discontent within. Energy flows to where the attention goes. They are focused on their own unhappiness. Which may explain why details of your ex bother you so much. You are not happy either. Once you are happy anything pertaining to her will not affect you.
Author confusedandempty Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 Thanks guin girl - My friend who I went to the bar with definetly wasn't trying to malicious. He just found it soooo funny that I didn't see her at all during the night. But still, should I maybe get some professional help? I'm not talking about a complete therapy, but might a meeting to counsellor or someone help me. I mean - it can't be normal to think this much of an ex from a relationship that I wasn't all that happy in. This leads us to another question. Who do I contact. Do I call a psychiatrist or are there any other profession who deals with cases like this?
polywog Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Thanks guin girl - My friend who I went to the bar with definetly wasn't trying to malicious. He just found it soooo funny that I didn't see her at all during the night. But still, should I maybe get some professional help? I'm not talking about a complete therapy, but might a meeting to counsellor or someone help me. I mean - it can't be normal to think this much of an ex from a relationship that I wasn't all that happy in. This leads us to another question. Who do I contact. Do I call a psychiatrist or are there any other profession who deals with cases like this? I think it would be good to contact a therapist because for me times like this have been ideal times to learn something about myself. You can go to a social worker, psychiatrist, psychotherapist, etc. Is there anyone you know who can give you a suggestion of someone to see? If money is an issue you can probably find someone through the psychology dept. of a local university. Anyhow, I've been where you are (and am now, in fact) and it sucks. I started to see a therapist within a few weeks of the break up and it's really helped.
guin_girl Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 C&E, Well I don't know what "normal" might be when it comes to thinking about an ex. Especially when it's your first love. You will compare all the rest of the girls to this first girl. And it does take longer usually to get over the first one... And sometimes the new date will remind you of the old one as well. And there are times when there is that one person that you just never forget... you know you aren't right for each other, but they just hold a place in your heart. I have one person that when it was over it was the most horrible experience, but I can't get him out of my head entirely. I don't want to hear about him, I don't need to know what he's doing... although I was elated to find out he moved to the other side of the country... lol if you feel that you would benefit from counseling then by all means, go for it. I don't know what they are called in your country, but we have counseling centers here that you can go to.
Author confusedandempty Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 Misery loves company. Some people like to share things they percieve will make you hurt. It is caused by the discontent within. Energy flows to where the attention goes. They are focused on their own unhappiness. Which may explain why details of your ex bother you so much. You are not happy either. Once you are happy anything pertaining to her will not affect you. I guess that it is true what you say that I'm definetly not 100% happy if I'm still bothered by her. But I can feel a difference every week, but it is the same as breaking NC if someone keeps telling you everything she does. I just can't believe that I'm allowing me to feel like crap sometimes. I knew it when we were in the relationship that this wasn't gonna last, somehow I was reluctant to let her go. It just is so disappointing to be rejected like this. I guess I just miss all the good times we had together, but I know I will find someone else to waste all my happiness on It's just a matter of time...
Author confusedandempty Posted February 18, 2007 Author Posted February 18, 2007 Murphy's law. That's what they call it don't they? Like I said ... I haven't met my ex since October. I went out with some friends and the new girl. But I had to leave soon, because I have a exam on Monday. Well, first person that I saw when I stepped out of the bar... yep... The Ex. It didn't feel all that bad, but it most certainly brought back some memories. And I just got home and dug up all our old CD's and I am listenening to our song now. She didn't act cold or anything. She just looked nice and was just like she used to be when we met. My god ... I miss this girl although I know that I don't want to pursue any further relationship with her. Everything was sooo nice ... I can't believe I'm still thinking about it today ... 4 months later. It is unfair to me and most definetly it's unfair to the new girl I've been seeing recently. Well ... Let's just admit it ... I feel like crap right now ... I feel like a pile of ****. Can't wait until tomorrow... ---- added later on: I am still feeling like a pile of **** here But I just had a discussion with my mom earlier tonight and she told me everyting I needed to know. "I can tell it, your ego is more hurt than your heart." That's soooooooo true. Like I said, don't want her back. But it reeeeaaallllyy hurts to be rejected like this. Going to sleep
Author confusedandempty Posted February 18, 2007 Author Posted February 18, 2007 haha.... Rule number one, don't post on LS after more than 8 beers. Well, it was actually kind of nice to see her for the first time in four months. I haven't thought about it at all how I was gonna react when I would see her for the first time. I just met her in front of a bar. The same bar as yesterday. She was on her way to other bar and I was on my way home. I walked with her and her 2 friends to the bar she was going to. I had a nice talk with her for few minutes . When we got to the bar, I just kissed them all on the cheek and told them that I had to run. Told her that she looked nice and told her to call me someday. I actually don't want her to call - but it doesn't matter because I know she won't. Then I took off. I looked balanced and definetly not shocked to see her, which kind of surprised me. I wanted to text her on the bus on my way home, but I resisted and saved the text accidentally in drafts. Just read it few minutes ago and I'm quite relieved that I didn't send it The only bad thing was that I didn't have the new girl on my arm. Just kissed her goodbye a minute before I saw my ex. It would have been great to be walking with her instead of walking alone Well, just had to tell it to someone ... and LS seemed to be the best option. Have a nice day
RocketMan2 Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Glad youre feeling better Stay strong, and particularly make an effort not to do anything when you know youre drunk. Just wait till the morning and review your action with a clear head. Well done Rocket
guin_girl Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 haha.... Rule number one, don't post on LS after more than 8 beers. I think there are a lot more "drunk" typers on here than you think. It's when we have a couple that the brokenhearted will drunk dial, drunk text, etc... so typing here is the best plan to get it out of your system.. And you go boy! love the "save to draft" option... I've done that before too. And some of those text messages do look really bad when you look at them in the morning. And although you would have liked to have your new girl on your arm, it was probably better that you didn't. If you have any feelings at all for your ex, she might have picked up on it, and trust me, the new gf doesn't want to see the ex that broke your heart... Stay strong, you are doing great!
RocketMan2 Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I think there are a lot more "drunk" typers on here than you think. It's when we have a couple that the brokenhearted will drunk dial, drunk text, etc... so typing here is the best plan to get it out of your system.. Me for one, on plenty of occasions Rocket
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