Baileykeg Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Ok. It's day 17 of NC. MM is home (my town) for the weekend to see his family. (I know this because he told me when I slipped and talked to him once last Sunday). Anyway, he sent me 4 texts last night...more "I miss you, I love you". He also asked if I wanted him to leave me alone and why I wasn't responding to his texts (it was 1 in the morning) and why I didn't respond to his voicemail (from Valentine's Day). What do I do now? I want to respond but don't know if this is more of the game with him to just "make sure" I'm still here. My fear is that if I don't respond that he will indeed stop contacting me and leave me alone. What do I do????
Ripples Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Go for a walk, get your hair done, go see a friend, get a coffee in a nice cafe, read a book, see a film, go shopping, go to the gym anything but contact him. You're doing so incredibly well, don't let him use you again.
frannie Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Does he know you're in NC..? If not, then I think you need to tell him, otherwise he'll just keep contacting you. If he knows, then don't respond. He already knows!
outofdarkness Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Ok. It's day 17 of NC. MM is home (my town) for the weekend to see his family. (I know this because he told me when I slipped and talked to him once last Sunday). Anyway, he sent me 4 texts last night...more "I miss you, I love you". He also asked if I wanted him to leave me alone and why I wasn't responding to his texts (it was 1 in the morning) and why I didn't respond to his voicemail (from Valentine's Day). What do I do now? I want to respond but don't know if this is more of the game with him to just "make sure" I'm still here. My fear is that if I don't respond that he will indeed stop contacting me and leave me alone. What do I do???? Hang in there and stick to your decision...If he really wants to be w/ YOU, he'll do the right thing and stop the lies and deceit. He's hurting everyone involved. I don't believe in the old saying; "what you don't know can't hurt you".
Author Baileykeg Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 What about responding back to his email of "do you want me to leave you alone?" with "yes, as long as you are still married". Period. Nothing more. Thoughts?
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Short, sweet and to the point. Yes! "As long as you are still married, and not divorced - I don't want to see, hear or talk to you anymore. I won't be second fiddle anymore. You know what you need to do if you want me in your life." The thing is Bailey, he KNOWS what's what. You've told him over and over again that NC must happen if he chooses to stay married. He KNOWS all he has to do is get a divorce and boom, you'll be in his life. Him telling you I love and miss you is just HIS way of trying to control you, convince you to still BE in his life. IF you DO that, he won't DO anything to change his life...
ratingsguy Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Does he know you're in NC..? If not, then I think you need to tell him, otherwise he'll just keep contacting you. If he knows, then don't respond. He already knows! I'm with Frannie here. If he knows, you don't respond. BUT, if he doesn't know you're in NC, you should tell him. Not only to get him to stop responding, but also to be fair. There are some competing philosophies on here about whether or not you tell the other party about NC. I say that you do, independant of how poorly you've been treated. True, NC all by itself sends a strong message. But it is even stronger if you first explain to your MM/MW why you are going NC. This lights the proverbial fire under that person to do something if they are indeed very serious about your R. Going NC without telling the person why is just a bad way to communicate your feelings IMHO. Plus, telling the other person how you feel and why you need NC is not only good for your soul, but I think it's the right thing to do. Stay strong! Good luck!
MoonGirl Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 BK, I agree with texting him "yes, if you're still married." I'm on the other end...a separated MW with an OM. Even though MM already knows what you want, reinforcing the "call me when you're divorced" may help him know you're really serious and that you'd like to continue the relationship with him. Complete NC is hard to do and is in your best interest if you're trying to get over him, but since you do want this guy to stick around, I don't think texting him something of that nature is harmful. Others may disagree with me though...
norajane Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Uh, Bailey? You sent him a REGISTERED LETTER telling him you couldn't talk to him anymore and had to end the relationship because he wasn't getting a divorce. And last weekend, you broke NC and talked with him for, what was it, 2 hours? HE KNOWS you're in NC, and he knows exactly why you're in NC. He's just starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, this time you're serious about it. So, no, I don't think you need to reply to him in any way at all. He already KNOWS.
Art_Critic Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Ok. It's day 17 of NC. Just a few days ago your posted a thread where you broke NC here is the thread title I broke NC and it wasn't all bad.... feb 11th http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t112169/ You have no idea what NC is and until you do you will not heal and the crazy feelings you feel inside will not stop.. QUIT CONTACTING HIM
BenThereDunThat Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Do NOT contact him in any way. Don't even answer his question. He already knows the answer, you've already told him. He's like a little kid, hoping if he keeps asking, eventually he'll get a different answer. Or that he'll catch you in a week moment. He doesn't want to waste an opportunity since he's in your hometown. I agree with Ripples - take a walk, make plans, go see a nice LONG movie.
kymberann Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Be unavailale, turn off the phone! He knows, he is just testing you. Let him keep testing. You have the upper hand now. Give him the message you are serious. It's up to him to step up. If he loves and misses you like he says he does then he will do what it takes. Just remember, past behavior really dictates future behavior! Best to you!
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