Video Game Addiction!!!!!!!

[kittensmittens]

Ok, so I just posted under the marriage/cohab section about problems I am currently, and have been experiencing in the past. One of the biggest problems right now is that my bf is very obsessed with his video games (or game, rather). He neglects me quite a bit. He has always had a tendency toward getting hooked on a game, but the game he is currently on...Phantasy Star Universe, which is a massive multi-player online role playing game, or "MMORGP", which are also noted for being addictive, has completely consumed him. It didn't even occur to me until a few hours ago when my mom said after some venting on my part, "it's like an addiction"....that it really could be. I swear, it was like a friggin' light bulb went off. So I looked it up, and sure enough, I really and truly believe he is addicted. He told me just 2 days ago it's all he thinks about it while he's at work, that he wakes up early and goes to bed late just to play the game, and that "no one passes any judgement on me or demands anything from me". These statements were originally intended to convey how much he DOESN'T want to spend time with me right now, and were probably meant to sting....but now they're just red flags. ALL of the websites he visits relate to this ONE game.

 

It is most definitely affecting our relationship. His passion is video games. That's his thing and as long as our relationship remains a priority, I don't have a problem with that. THAT, I can understand as I have my own passions and interests. However they never keep me from getting work done around the house (or elsewhere), I never neglect people I love because of them, I never lose sleep over them, I never spend every waking moment on any one of them, and I never get irritable or agitated when I'm not taking part in any of them. This game has brought out all of the characteristics in him I just listed, which also happen to be some of the characteristics of addiction. In addition, he is unhappy in practically every other area of his life and, I believe, has at least a mild form of depression. I feel that his game playing is a "safe" retreat from the normal hassles of any relationship that sometimes appear in excess in our's. But by retreating, he is only closing down this relationship further.

 

I just want to say that I have read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I know the whole "men are rubber bands" thing and this is far beyond that. He's not going to just snap back out of it after I give him enough space (which I have been doing at his request/order). Right now, he feels he simply prefers video games over me and "doesn't know what to do about it because it's not going away" (his words).

 

What should I do?? It's clear he has an addiction and I can't believe I didn't see it before. I'm not saying this is our only problem or I'm not to blame for any of it. But something needs to be done. Our relationship is currently in a very weak state and I can't say that I feel this would be the best time to confront him with this. In the past he has almost always been pretty good about eventually "coming to his senses" about things he is doing wrong in the relationship (and there have been plenty of times when it has been necessary for me to come to my senses as well).....so I'm hoping maybe once he starts to realize how much it has taken over his life, he will be more approachable on this subject. But there's no way of knowing when that will be and I can't live unhappily, all alone in my relationship with him indefinitely. Especially since there's talk of World of Warcraft coming next...probably the MOST addictive online game. Do I just give up and leave, even though I still love him? I just think that right now he'll think this is the most absurd suggestion because his game is the only thing keeping him going at the moment.....also a sign of addiction. I'm afraid if I try to intervene, he'll only end up resenting me for it.

 

I don't know what to do! Any ideas? Anyone been through this? What would you do?

 

Also, here is a really good article that I found for anyone who may also be going through this or anyone who is just curious: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/07/03/health/webmd/main1773956.shtml

[oh_what_am_I_doing]

OMG you must be dating my ex, lol

 

I TOTALLY understand what you are going through. Get this; even on Christmas morning when my out-of-town family was here, hanging out together in the living room, my then-boyfriend was upstairs in my room playing Halo. I went upstairs and said, "Are you planning on joining us?" and he got soooooooooooooooooo pissed. He came downstairs but let everyone know by his behavior that he was not happy about it. So a few weeks before we ended up breaking up, he got WOW. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. There was no way I was going to put up with another video game addiction, so it was over. I am so much happier now that I am not put through that anymore. If you're relationship is weak to begin with, and you said it is, I think you'll be happier to just end it. He's not going to change. I came to realize that and made the right choice! Watch out, I've found video game addictions and porn addicitons go hand in hand. (And I'm not talking about occasional porn viewers, I'm talking a true addiction!)

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. What should I do?? It's clear he has an addiction and I can't believe I didn't see it before.

 

2. Our relationship is currently in a very weak state and I can't say that I feel this would be the best time to confront him with this.

 

3. In the past he has almost always been pretty good about eventually "coming to his senses" about things he is doing wrong in the relationship (and there have been plenty of times when it has been necessary for me to come to my senses as well).....so I'm hoping maybe once he starts to realize how much it has taken over his life, he will be more approachable on this subject.

 

1. An addict often won't realize he has an addiction until he is facing the loss of everything else in his life. As long as he has his life intact around him, he will indulge in his addiction. Why not? Its not like he's losing anything in his life because of it, right? If you want him to realize that he has an addiction, you need to wake him up to the fact that he will lose a great many things: including you.

 

2. It is only as strong as its weakest link. This addiction is the weak link, and as long as it is a part of your relationship, it will never be stronger than it is right now. There is no 'good time' to address this besides 'right now'. If you have any hope of holding on to this relationship, you need to act now.

 

3. He won't realize his addiction until you wake him up to it, by showing him what he is losing as a result.

 

Tell him to turn off the game, and sit down with you. Let him know how you feel, and let him know that you can no longer enable or support his addiction and that he either addresses it and takes steps to work on it, or you will leave him. You have to be serious about it. Empty threats might work once on an addict, but as soon as they see you aren't going to follow through they are right back at it. You can't "forgive" an addiction. You can either enable it, or help end it.

[Krytellan]

I don't know what to do! Any ideas? Anyone been through this? What would you do?

 

KM, I might be able to offer you some insight if you want to PM me. I am both someone who deals with people with addictions and had has intimate knowledge of being "lost within a video game". Mine was Neverwinter Nights, but it is an on-line fantasy role-playing game. Been there, got lost in it. I can help you to understand some things if you'd like. PM me if you need to.

[kittensmittens]

"As long as he has his life intact around him, he will indulge in his addiction. Why not? Its not like he's losing anything in his life because of it, right? If you want him to realize that he has an addiction, you need to wake him up to the fact that he will lose a great many things: including you."

 

This is exactly what I've been thinking. I fear it's going to take a big knock over the head to get him to "come to his senses" on this one. It's just that, any other time it WOULD really shake him up....but right now he feels that he wants to do that all the time because of me.....because I make him unhappy with my demands and jealousy, because I'm the one who is always demanding that he spend time away from his games, away from where the fun and close friends are and I'm "making" him choose. I feel he is doing it partly TO drive me out, and has even said things to the effect of "I don't know why you would want me". I feel like he expects me to be like how his friends online are and never make a complaint about anything. Everything is just always harmonious. That's not real life and deep down he knows this and has aknowledged this fact in the past, but, while this addiction is not our only problem, I do feel that if we both faced a lot of our issues together we could be closer to a more harmonious relationship. He even said the other day that it doesn't have to be like this (after pretty much blaming my behaviors for driving him into this state of addiction). He has always used video games as a retreat from our relationship.

 

The problem right now, other than giving him an ultimatum being extremely difficult for me emotionally, is that we share a lease together and I'm smack in the middle of a semester at school. Right now, I can function. It is easier on me, emotionally, to just tune HIM out, read, watch, tv, study, etc.....to keep myself upbeat while I still have him in my life even to the smallest degree. I worry that, even if it is MY decision to leave, I will end up devastated and unable to function. Not only do I not have any friends in that town to turn to for support, but I also have nowhere to stay if the worst does come to fruition. I am on a lease, so I can't just go sign another one. I have nowhere to go until the semester ends, and if I did, I don't know if I could handle it.

 

I would also like to add that, last semester was the WORST. I was battling severe depression which did cause many problems in our relationship. He decided he just couldn't deal with it and dumped me. I had nowhere to go at that time either, so I had to move back home, 2 hours away from school. I dropped out for the semester and wasted a ton of money and time. The depression, of course, made all of it much more difficult to handle, but I don't want anything remotely like this happening again. And I have to be prepared for the worst with an ultimatum.

 

Krytellan, I would very much like to PM you on this matter, but I can't figure out how to do that on this message board. What do I click on to do so?

[VinaAmez]

I used to get lost and still do in computer games. The one that REALLY got me hooked was "Star Wars Galaxies Role playing" game. I loved that game. It was like being in the movie.

 

I used to play that in college and would go about 6 or 7 hours non stop. I lost time. I had to stop playing it. I still have the game just in case I want something to do.

[kittensmittens]

A thought I had....

 

The week before last, I was so disgusted by all this and couldn't even stand to hear the game and felt totally consumed with rage over all that has been happening. So I started avoiding him back. I gave him the cold shoulder and came up for excuses why I coudn't be bothered to give him a ride to work (as I was starting to feel very used). I found him starting to make what seemed to be somewhat sheepish attempts to talk to me, joke with me, etc. Things had been pretty cold around the apartment but he even meekly said he loved me as I was rushing out the door for class. At one point he even turned off the video game and seemed to want to talk. I would only give him very curt (but not rude) responses to convey that I wasn't interested in talking to him and this seemed to get to him a little bit.

 

I know I'm up against an addiction.....but is it possible that taking this trend back up may drive the "omg I really could lose her" fear into him enough to at least initiate a change in his thinking process, opening the door for confrontation and a more open mind on his part? Or am I just trying to put out a forest fire with a bucket of water?

 

Another thing I would like to add is that I grew up with an alcoholic (my mom). I grew up around addiction and I know the pain and frustration. I am all too familiar with how it feels to come in second behind something that is stupid and destructive. Part of me is screaming "no way in HE!! are you putting up with that $hit again!". Been there, done that, I deserve better. However, I also know the good that lies beneath the addiction. My mom, who has been a recovering alcoholic for 7 yrs now, is now the closest person in my life and the person I can depend on most in any crisis big or small. She went from acting like my child to being the rock in my life. At times I really believed the addiction would only end with her death. So I feel there is always hope. But I really just don't know...

[Mr. Lucky]

Watch out, I've found video game addictions and porn addicitons go hand in hand. (And I'm not talking about occasional porn viewers, I'm talking a true addiction!)

That makes absolutely no sense at all...

 

Mr. Lucky

[oh_what_am_I_doing]

That makes absolutely no sense at all...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Here's what I mean by that.... I am talking about a person who has a personality that lends them to get addicted to things. I suppose I was wrong in generalizing, however, I have seen it more than once. People with addictive behaviors oftentimes get addicted to more than one thing (such as drugs, alcohol). When their addiction is computer/video game related, it usually means they spend a lot of time on the computer. And if they have an addictive personality, AND they spend lots of time on the computer, it won't be long before they find the wonderful world of pornography. Then they can't stop themselves from addiction number two.

[edastro4life]

Everybody keeps calling it an "addiction" which it is not. What happens is when you're playing these video games, you pretty much lose track of time. I remember playing some games where as I thought only maybe a hour or two have gone by and it been more like 7 or 8. You remember the saying "time sure flys when you're having fun" Thats pretty much the case. Me, I tend to only play sport games now because their more time based and you're not as caught up in them as role playing games. It's an addiction if and when he comes home you're on the game and he's ready to do you bodily harm if you don't get off. Or if the Landlords at the door looking for the rent and He's like after I clear this level. Now thats an Addiction. If it wasn't the video game and he was in the streets playing basketball and still not spending the time you want then you would be saying he's addicted to playing ball. Just ask him not to play on certain days and spend them with you and if he says no I'm 100% sure it's not because of the game.

[kittensmittens]

Edastro, it is an addiction. I have played plenty of video games myself. I know when "time flies because you're having fun" and when it's something more. He hardly makes time to eat. He hardly sleeps. He wakes up early to play and goes to bed late to get in as much time as possible. It is THE ONLY THING he thinks about. He said so himself. He thinks about this game when he's at work and he only feels good when he's playing it. And it's only one specific game. The ONLY THING he does now in his spare time is play this video game. He doesn't even hang out with his "real life" friends anymore. When he is not playing this game he becomes irritated and suffers withdrawl symptoms. He becomes extremely irritable BECAUSE he is not playing the game, because it is all he can think about. Other things in his life (not just our relationship) have become less pleasureable as a result.

 

Studies have shown that video game playing increases dopamine. He is basically getting a "high" off of playing this game that cannot currently be matched by anything outside of this game. This game is able to over-stimulate his neurotransmitters and anything other than this game cannot get them stimulated enough. Gamblers can still stop and go to the bathroom or answer the door, but they can't stop gambling. They can't stop the NEGATIVE effects that their behavior/interest has because they are ADDICTED. Only with gambling, something more tangible is lost (money) so it is taken more seriously.

[edastro4life]

He hardly makes time to eat. He hardly sleeps. He wakes up early to play and goes to bed late to get in as much time as possible. It is THE ONLY THING he thinks about. He said so himself. He thinks about this game when he's at work and he only feels good when he's playing it. And it's only one specific game. The ONLY THING he does now in his spare time is play this video game. He doesn't even hang out with his "real life" friends anymore. When he is not playing this game he becomes irritated and suffers withdrawl symptoms. He becomes extremely irritable BECAUSE he is not playing the game, because it is all he can think about. Other things in his life (not just our relationship) have become less pleasureable as a result.

 

If he's doing all that, then He's an Addict, I've played for hours but never to the point where I wasn't eating, My Ex would get mad after we have sex I would jump out the bed and go play the game, but at least I stopped for sex. Sure when I was at work I thought about what I was going to do on the game but sometimes I would avoid playing it just because it consumed to much of my time at times. All I can say is Don't give up on him he needs you more than he would ever know. But don't let this consume you either.

[oh_what_am_I_doing]

but at least I stopped for sex.

 

My ex wouldn't even stop for sex. He got pissed off at me once because I tried to give him a BJ.

[Mister Foreskin]

lmfao that's a first

 

I know what you're talking about..videogames can be addicting. A couple years ago I got a star wars game. I literally played it night and day, every waking hour on weekends and as soon as I came home from school for a month until it got boring because I finished everything. In school I couldn't concentrate because that's all I was thinking of(didn't get pissy because of withdrawls though). Now I don't really play videogames because I know what they can do. I have my parents to thank for getting dialup, because if they got anything more I'd probably be just like your boyfriend, playing online games without any aspirations of a love life.

[kittensmittens]

...until it got boring because I finished everything.

 

And that's what worries me.....I don't think this game just "ends". It keeps on going and going because it's a mmorpg.

 

My ex wouldn't even stop for sex.

 

We haven't even slept in the same room for 5 weeks now. I've been walking to class a lot and I made the comment the other day that "I have no a** anymore" and he expressed interest in "seeing that". But I've become so resentful that I make sure to stay covered up around him all the time. Why should he get to see something he doesn't even appreciate anyway? Ugh. Needless to say...we haven't "done anything" in 5 weeks either. He still finds me attractive, but he has no interest in closeness in any form right now.

 

 

I just don't know what to do about any of this. I feel sad and hopeless about this situation all the time now. He has always loved video games. They have always been one of his biggest passions. So how does one smother an addiction if what they are addicted to is something they will always be interested in? Is it possible?

 

I've only read so far of people getting over their addiction/too much time spent on video games by just removing themselves completely. But he could never do that. That would be like asking him to remove a part of who he is. And I'm ok with him having his interests.....as long as our relationship is a priority in his life and there are other interests that we can share. But that's not how it is at all right now and it's just so......depressing.

 

I still love him very much. I don't want to break up over this. I don't want to break up over a lot of our stupid problems that think can still be addressed. But I don't know if this is one of those. Is there hope? Can someone please tell me if it's possible to remove an addiction without removing the interest? Or is that like telling an alcoholic, "only one drink a day, for you"?

[edastro4life]

please tell me if it's possible to remove an addiction without removing the interest? Or is that like telling an alcoholic, "only one drink a day, for you"?

 

He needs to realize that the games do have a save feature where as they're just like the pause button on a dvd player. Whenever he comes back it'll be right where he left off. If he's not willing to compromis as far as still playing but not as much, then I don't know what to tell you. I don't see whats wrong with playing a hour or so but still making time to spend with you. And I'm not talking just sex.

[Mark B]

I wish they'd invent postmodern videogames where people pretend to be people playing vidoegames

[kittensmittens]

He needs to realize that the games do have a save feature where as they're just like the pause button on a dvd player. Whenever he comes back it'll be right where he left off.

 

That's exactly the problem with the online games. He says he can't save because his teammates get killed, or he'll get killed because he's just standing there. There have been plenty of times when I have needed to tell him something important or needed his assistance and he "can't save".

 

I don't see whats wrong with playing a hour or so but still making time to spend with you. And I'm not talking just sex.

 

I don't see what's wrong with that either. And it is like that sometimes. Sometimes he'll come home to me and be perfectly content with watching tv or movies until bed time and never once gets online. It can even be like that for days at a time. But it's not like that at all right now and there have been other times when it wasn't an addiction....it was just that he only wanted to spend an hour with me and then it's xbox live the rest of the night. Then I get fed up so he does it even more. And now he's addicted. Ugh. I just don't know.

[Blue Phoenix]

Well I can only speak from what my personal experances are here I have found myself in a very unstable and rockey situation liveing in a unhappy home enviroment at the moment. And I use being on line/internet as my mentil escape from that situation prob like hes doing with this game. Now im not trying to condone what hes doing but maybe just give you some insight into it it. Def sounds like hes not happy in any aspect of his life and is useing the game to escape it for a while. I mean after all you cant think of much else when you are focused on a game can you?? And if you cant think of much else then you cant feel depressed or sad at that exact moment. I sugest relashionship counceling and he may even need anti despression meds I would be there for him but not pushey about it thats just going to push him further into his escape the game. Best of luck 2 you with it tho..

[confusedgeek]

Hmm, I'll bite on this one. It's yet another video game post where the video game is stealing my mate.

 

Hobbies are hobbies. Again, like video games. They are fun time syncs to delv into. MMORPG's are especially a fun because of people you talk to, objectives to meet.

 

It seems as if your significant other is having fun. Otherwise, he wouldnt be doing it in the first place. Sounds like he needs time to himself. And that is exactly what video games are. Giving time to oneself.

 

I can't seem to grasp your entire situation, but if your not happy, leave. Do him and yourself a favor.

 

If my girlfriend asked me to give up something Ive enjoyed a favorite hobby of mine for years, then, I'd send her home packing. That would be just me though.

 

It also sounds as if your not use to video games especially ones where you create emotional bonds with. I am also assuming, from your experience until the sun explodes, no matter what video games your exposed to, you'll also hate it with a passion due to your previous experiences.

 

- ConfusedGeek

[insomnie]

Hmm, I'll bite on this one. It's yet another video game post where the video game is stealing my mate.

 

Hobbies are hobbies. Again, like video games. They are fun time syncs to delv into. MMORPG's are especially a fun because of people you talk to, objectives to meet.

 

It seems as if your significant other is having fun. Otherwise, he wouldnt be doing it in the first place. Sounds like he needs time to himself. And that is exactly what video games are. Giving time to oneself.

 

I can't seem to grasp your entire situation, but if your not happy, leave. Do him and yourself a favor.

 

If my girlfriend asked me to give up something Ive enjoyed a favorite hobby of mine for years, then, I'd send her home packing. That would be just me though.

 

It also sounds as if your not use to video games especially ones where you create emotional bonds with. I am also assuming, from your experience until the sun explodes, no matter what video games your exposed to, you'll also hate it with a passion due to your previous experiences.

 

- ConfusedGeek

 

Um...have you read the original post? Nowhere does she say she hates video games or wants him to give them up. She's asking for help in dealing with her boyfriend's ADDICTION to them, which has turned him into a jerk that has been ignoring her for five weeks.

 

OP...my boyfriend also plays video games obsessively and it also bothers me a LOT. At one point he broke up with me becuase he felt like I was "making" him pick one or the other...and he wanted to video game all weekend every weekend with his friends instead of spending any of the time with me. Things are somewhat better now, but he was never as obsessed as your boyfriend. Yours sounds like a truly awful situation and honestly I think you need to leave him if you want things to change. I mean, you've already withdrawn and he hasn't had sex in over a month with you and that's still not enough incentive. You're going to have to leave, that's the only way he might change, and even then I'd be wary that it was temporary.

 

As far as the practicalities of that go...I think you do need to break up now so that this doens't weigh down on you all semester.

 

If you have to get out of your lease, it's possible to do that easier than you might htink. I too am a college student and I managed to avoid penalties associated with TWO leases this semester by finding someone else to take over the lease. Most apartments will let you do that for, at most, a small fee...and a lot of cities have craigslist. I posted ads for both my apartments on there and I got a MASSIVE amount of replies for both...and they weren't particulalry great apartments. I think you'd easily be able to find someone so as to avoid penalty...and I really really think you need to get out of this situation. Your relationship is only going to deteriorate furhter if you decide to "put up" with how things are for a couple of months. If you break up and move out now, he'll get a wakeup call to change before it's too late.

[Novadas]

Vidio Games are Too addictive....some people make it thier lives ...my friend plays WoW(world of warcraft) and he plays it 24/7 and lives on his mums money......

hmm but I do Enjoy the ODD 12 hour staright FinalFantasy play lmao:bunny:

but its best not to get addicted to more thn 1 game or ull be gone for ever

[kittensmittens]

Hmm, I'll bite on this one.

 

Really? Because it seems you are doing anything but.

 

If my girlfriend asked me to give up something Ive enjoyed a favorite hobby of mine for years, then, I'd send her home packing. That would be just me though.

 

I never once...EVER....have asked him to give up ANY of his hobbies. A hobby is something that enhances your life, not takes away from it. It brings added happiness to your life and, therefore, to the lives around you. Addictions take away.

 

It also sounds as if your not use to video games especially ones where you create emotional bonds with. I am also assuming, from your experience until the sun explodes, no matter what video games your exposed to, you'll also hate it with a passion due to your previous experiences.

 

Well you know what they say when you assume...

 

Actually, I own a PSP, a DS and a pretty respectable and varied PS2 game collection of my own, as well as a few XBox games. I also own many classic games and even an SNES and NES, complete with the bright orange gun. I also enjoy several of the games my bf owns. I can remember at least 2 instances where I became very upset (almost to the point of tears) at finding out some video games I was very attached to had been sold (they have since been replaced).

 

I also enjoy long walks, reading, and shopping at thrift stores. But who cares anyway? I'm not talking about hobbies or me. I'm talking about addictions and if he was shooting heroine, I'd be on here asking for help with that. So if you have nothing constructive to add and can only offer insults based on assumptions, I kindly ask that you DO "bite it".

[kittensmittens]

Yours sounds like a truly awful situation and honestly I think you need to leave him if you want things to change. I mean, you've already withdrawn and he hasn't had sex in over a month with you and that's still not enough incentive. You're going to have to leave, that's the only way he might change, and even then I'd be wary that it was temporary.

 

Thank you for your understanding and advice. About a week ago I was soooo close to throwing in the towel. I felt so angry and hopeless. And the more I prepared myself to break up with him, the more I realized how much I still love him (grr!). So.... rather than giving up just yet, I withdrew from him completely. While I have been giving him as much space as he has asked for, there have been a few "breaks" where we go out to eat and, mostly, where I pick him up from work and we may talk like when things are normal...joking and laughing, etc. But the rest of the time I might as well not even be there. I don't even get a hello when I come home, or a goodbye when I leave. In other words, I'm around when he needs me and the rest of the time I don't even enter his thoughts....kind of like, oh, say....a doormat? So I decided to give him a sense of loss without the actual loss and see if that worked first, before I break up for good. I just acted how I felt....like I don't want to be around him. I acted like I didn't really care to be touched or hugged when he attempted to (which hasn't been often at all these days...which is also why I'm usually crawling all over him by the time I get any physical contact whatsoever). I acted like I didn't need him around or necessarily want him around me. And most importantly, I have literally avoided him. I sleep in the bedroom and do my best at staying only in there when I'm home while he is there. I study on campus or go out to the bookstore or grocery shopping or whatever as much as possible, so that he sees me rarely. And I've been going home (to my mom's house, out of town) on the weekends and staying as long as possible without calling him. I DO NOT perk up and act excited or accomodating anymore like some kind of labrador retreiver any time he feels like throwing a little attention my way.

 

And....I am starting to notice changes. He has been making more attempts to spend time with me and to touch me more. I respond with apathy and indifference and, while there is a temporary setback, he tries again in a day or so. I'm not sure if this is the best approach, and you're right, it may only be a temporary solution. But it may get us to a point where he is willing to hear and actually consider what I have to say.

 

This may sound harsh, or like I'm playing games, but I honestly feel that he needs to understand that there are consequences to treating someone the way he has treated me. This was the only solution I could come up with, short of breaking up with him. The only way he will understand how close he has come to actually losing me and what it will feel like once he has lost me, is through my actions. He needs to understand that I'm not disposable and one of these days he just might push me beyond the point of return. Today just might be that day. If this isn't enough of a wake up call for him, then I suppose I will have to leave. But things seem to be improving slightly. And maybe this sense of loss (or possible loss) will bring him to the point of being burned out a little faster.

 

As for the lease, I'm not really worried about finding someone to replace me as a renter. I would simply leave and it would be solely his place (which has already happened once before during a breakup, but then I moved back). I'm only worried about getting ON another lease while my name is still on this one. I've already checked for roommate listings to no avail. If worse comes to worse, what I may do is have one of my parents sign a lease for me....but then I'll be the one living there so I'm really not sure how that would work. Hopefully I won't have to deal with that if I can get through to him before things get that bad...