Mark B Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 but like the saying goes, behind every dark cloud is a silver lining, and my silver lining ended up being my knight in shining armor, my hero, DH Lawrence yes, i'm that bored
Sup Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 you r right, AC, it shouldn't concern me whether he gets fired or not...i shouldn't even wish any ill-will toward OM...i guess thats just my emotions again getting carried away due to the fact that since i was let go, i felt he should be too. what HR told me was they have zero tolerance for that kind of stuff so there was no room for just being "reprimanded" well all this thinking and analyzing over it is not going to change anything. tomorrow i go to another prospect employer to see about a current job opening they have. i just have to pick up the pieces and focus on moving on and just learn from this ordeal. its definitely and eye opener but in a way, kind of a blessing in disguise as well. cuz despite its awful ending, I am now in the position to see my DH in a new light, a way i've never seen him before and because of it, its helped me to realize that what i've needed and wanted all this time has been right there in front of me all along in my DH-i just couldn't see past the clouds of my own selfish desires. but now, this experience has helped me to appreciate DH more than ever and discover new found feelings for him that i thought were never there as a result of his willingness to be patient and forgiving with me. had i not gone thru this, i probably wouldn't have appreciated him like i should have. but like the saying goes, behind every dark cloud is a silver lining, and my silver lining ended up being my knight in shining armor, my hero, DH. and for at least that much, it was all worth it... Remember, DH has NOT hit the anger stage..... YET. He may have a lack of trust for you, just so YOU know.
Author IslandGirl73 Posted February 21, 2007 Author Posted February 21, 2007 Remember, DH has NOT hit the anger stage..... YET. He may have a lack of trust for you, just so YOU know. yes, i do know he may be skeptical at times when my cell phone rings, when i'm surfing on the net, when i take too long to come home, ect...and i can already see the question mark on his face now during these scenarios... that being said, I keep asking him if he still wants me and his answer is consistently "yes" and that no matter what, we're in this together...he tells me that we all have our slip ups and he even feels he's partly to blame because he didn't take me seriously when i was telling him for a year how i was feeling and what our marriage was lacking for us emotionally... so in the end of it all, it looks like hubby is determined to stick to me like glue, regardless of what has happened/will happen...
lovelorcet Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 so in the end of it all, it looks like hubby is determined to stick to me like glue, regardless of what has happened/will happen... I would not assume that he is going to do this for a long time. He is giving you a chance to prove yourself and that might take years. It could very well be if you mess up again he will give you the boot, and rightfully so...
Ripples Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 I have to agree with Sup, Lovelorcet and Guest. Your husband will get very, very angry. If I were you, I'd get into therapy asap, it'll help you to demonstrate to your husband how serious you are about fixing your marriage and will help you to understand and cope with your husband's anger when he gets to that stage. And he will.
elijahBailey Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 Nah, I think the husband will get over it soon enough. OP didn't go all.the.way, know what I mean? There are different degrees of cheating. I know that if my girl f**ks another guy, that would be the ultimate and I don't think I can get over it, like ever. But if it's a kiss and she didn't go further, well.... I'd definitely be plenty pissed, but I think it would be easier for me to deal with.
whichwayisup Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 yes, i do know he may be skeptical at times when my cell phone rings, when i'm surfing on the net, when i take too long to come home, ect...and i can already see the question mark on his face now during these scenarios... that being said, I keep asking him if he still wants me and his answer is consistently "yes" and that no matter what, we're in this together...he tells me that we all have our slip ups and he even feels he's partly to blame because he didn't take me seriously when i was telling him for a year how i was feeling and what our marriage was lacking for us emotionally... so in the end of it all, it looks like hubby is determined to stick to me like glue, regardless of what has happened/will happen... J, you can make it easier on him. You can be an open book, volunteer your email password to him, so if he feels like checking up on you, he can. Let him have access to your cell phone too. Also, not only in words, but in actions, show him that you are indeed trustworthy. He may not reveal this to you right now, but his trust in you HAS been affected. When you go out, make him feel OK about it. Call and check in with him too.
ThumbingMyWay Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 its definitely and eye opener but in a way, kind of a blessing in disguise as well. cuz despite its awful ending, I am now in the position to see my DH in a new light, a way i've never seen him before and because of it, its helped me to realize that what i've needed and wanted all this time has been right there in front of me all along in my DH-i just couldn't see past the clouds of my own selfish desires. but now, this experience has helped me to appreciate DH more than ever and discover new found feelings for him that i thought were never there as a result of his willingness to be patient and forgiving with me. had i not gone thru this, i probably wouldn't have appreciated him like i should have. but like the saying goes, behind every dark cloud is a silver lining, and my silver lining ended up being my knight in shining armor, my hero, DH. and for at least that much, it was all worth it... this is similar to how my wife and I felt. her A was bitter sweet.....but something we needed to make us stronger and closer. No more lies, no more games, etc. use this as a life lesson.....give all your energy back to you husband. Be come an open book to him....ON EVERYTHING....you must do this. And as for the comment about not seeing clearly......like I have been saying to all the OW.....which they just dont understnd....Its FOG LAND that your brain is in....you cant see until you get out. And once you get out, you WILL see what I am talking about. oh and.....he WILL get angry....so please be patcient and understanding...do NOT battle him...it will just push him away more.....he will want you to understand his pain...and if you fight back and tell him to get over it....that wont help.....it will take a while to get thru all of this..... So....first Sadbutture...now Jac......I wonder which OW will be next....they come in 3's ya know....
whichwayisup Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 ....they come in 3's ya know.... Everything comes in 3's. Atleast with me. One great thing happens, then two more follow...Unfortunately, so does the bad stuff. I remember while on holidays a while back, a friend of mine was re-diagnosed with breast cancer and within a week, she had died. Then we got home, there was a message that my H's mom was in the hospital, then the next day my aunt died. Freaky.....Geez, I should start a thread about this. Thanks Thumbs.
Author IslandGirl73 Posted February 21, 2007 Author Posted February 21, 2007 I have to agree with Sup, Lovelorcet and Guest. Your husband will get very, very angry. If I were you, I'd get into therapy asap, it'll help you to demonstrate to your husband how serious you are about fixing your marriage and will help you to understand and cope with your husband's anger when he gets to that stage. And he will. so are u guys suggesting DH will have some sort of "delayed" reaction to all of this? i don't understand...please clarify...
Sup Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 YES, It's like a delayed reaction, he just hasn't caught up with it yet..... He's STILL processing it all, you would be too, if it were you.
Guest Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Your Husband sounds like an awesome man. I hopes he someday finds a woman that will treat him with kindness and consideration...you sure didn't. Of course the anger is coming. I am sorry to tell you this but you are at the beginning of your journey to the end of your marriage. If he had any pride and self-respect, he will eventually see the betrayal for what it is.
BeenAround_N_Back Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 I guess filing the harrassment thing is becoming common because this is exactly what the OM did when I discovered the A and my husband did not leave me like he told the OM. But in this case, neither of them got fired. They just got warned not to use the company's email for personal use. And if they were going to be working together, then have an intermediary person for contact or do everything via email with documentation. My H has come clean to all team members and his boss while the OM thinks no one knows.... but I do feel that there is a double standard... the man gets a pat on the back for sleeping with a pretty girl while the woman can sometimes be labelled bad names....
sb129 Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 I feel gypped. Here was I feeling sorry for you Island girl knowing your H was inTonga, a place I have a soft spot for--and I had no idea all this was going on. So if I feel this way....how will your husband feel when it sinks in??
norajane Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 I feel gypped. Here was I feeling sorry for you Island girl knowing your H was inTonga, a place I have a soft spot for--and I had no idea all this was going on. So if I feel this way....how will your husband feel when it sinks in?? I'm really confused...this thread (and a few others on the same topic) was originally started by someone named "jacquesette". If you scroll up, you can see her original name where she's been quoted by others. Now, her id is island girl. How did that happen? sb - I think you're thinking of a different island girl, not the one who wrote this thread.
Mr. Lucky Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 I guess filing the harrassment thing is becoming common because this is exactly what the OM did when I discovered the A and my husband did not leave me like he told the OM. But in this case, neither of them got fired. They just got warned not to use the company's email for personal use. And if they were going to be working together, then have an intermediary person for contact or do everything via email with documentation. My H has come clean to all team members and his boss while the OM thinks no one knows.... but I do feel that there is a double standard... the man gets a pat on the back for sleeping with a pretty girl while the woman can sometimes be labelled bad names.... OK, I'm confused too. Your Husband was having an Affair with the Other Man, and told him he would leave you for him? Mr. Lucky
sb129 Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 I'm really confused...this thread (and a few others on the same topic) was originally started by someone named "jacquesette". If you scroll up, you can see her original name where she's been quoted by others. Now, her id is island girl. How did that happen? sb - I think you're thinking of a different island girl, not the one who wrote this thread. i think you may be right- island girl is different to island girl 73 right?... but how come the avatar is so similar??
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