freckles73 Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 There isn't a day, an hour or a minute that goes by that he isn't on my mind. I wish I could stop thinking about him. I've got tons and tons of things on my plate that you would think would distract me, but it doesn't. My heart is so stuck. I know he's never coming back, and with the cruel way he left me, I know it wouldn't be good for me if he did, even though my heart yearns for it. I have tried to get angry at him for how he hurt me, but even through the anger I can't make my heart feel what my brain knows. And through all these weeks and months I feel just as devastated as I did when he left me standing there. I still cry at least every other night. I've been through therapy and medication, but it doesn't ease the pain. I see and talk to other men, but never pursue anything, because the thought of being with another man feels repulsive to me. Besides, I'm obviously not ready for it. I just wonder how many more months and years I'm going to walk through my days feeling like I've just been hit by a bus. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 I don't know what your circumstances were but it sounds like he's taken a part of your "self" away. Do yourself a favour and each day, deliberately think about other things in 5 minute intervals. Get busy. Distract yourself with the things you previously enjoyed the most, preferably things that you stopped doing when you met him. As time goes on, try extending the intervals from 5 minutes to 10 minutes, etc, etc. You deserve better. Don't let his cruelty affect you for life. Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 RE: You have the strength, Freckles73, to believe in tomorrow. This is not the end of the road for you. I know it is painful now, and that your heart is dripping with blood for the loss of such a loved individual. But, he left for a reason. The relationship didn't work out for a destined reason -and slowly you will start to believe in the truth. I hope you are able to take the time each day, to think about your future. You need to repel such ugly thoughts from your mind. Do yourself a wonderful favor, and write. Write out how you feel, during the highest and lowest points in the coming months. This will help you understand where you are and where you are going. Neglecting yourself, physically and emotionally, is only going to cause negative repercussions in life -whether it be directly or indirectly. Smile more often, you'll feel better. Do continue to post, if you see that it helps you. Take Care, Sand&Water Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 There isn't a day, an hour or a minute that goes by that he isn't on my mind. I wish I could stop thinking about him. I've got tons and tons of things on my plate that you would think would distract me, but it doesn't. My heart is so stuck. I know he's never coming back, and with the cruel way he left me, I know it wouldn't be good for me if he did, even though my heart yearns for it. I have tried to get angry at him for how he hurt me, but even through the anger I can't make my heart feel what my brain knows. And through all these weeks and months I feel just as devastated as I did when he left me standing there. I still cry at least every other night. I've been through therapy and medication, but it doesn't ease the pain. I see and talk to other men, but never pursue anything, because the thought of being with another man feels repulsive to me. Besides, I'm obviously not ready for it. I just wonder how many more months and years I'm going to walk through my days feeling like I've just been hit by a bus. I had this same problem, I thought I would never be able to move on again. I was also repulsed by other women, even very attractive women. You have to hit a turning point, which obviously you have not really let go of him yet. It really hurts, and to some extent it probably will surface from time to time possibly for years. I agree with the other poster here, you may have lost yourself here a bit, it's very easy to do when you are in love with someone. But you can get over it, and get yourself back on track to a healthier person emotionally. I just posted on another thread something that you may want to read, it is probably relevant here. ******************************************* I can help you here, here's what I did. After almost completely losing my dignity and self esteem, I decided I was not going to let this consume me. I went a bought a few books to help me gain an understanding of the trauma I was experiencing, and why it happened. I accepted that it happened, and gave myself time to grieve and come up with a "get over it" plan. I started looking at myself in the mirror several times a day and complimenting myself. The biggest part that helped me is to force myself to be alone, and get to know the person I really am. I wound up spending the holidays completely alone, with me, myself and I. This was extremely hard at first, but it starts getting easier the more you practice it. Went out everywhere by myself, (Gym, bar, restaurants, Las Vegas), this was the most profound part of my recovery to gain my self esteem and worth back. I started becoming my own best friend, and realized I didn't need anyone to validate who I am. I accepted myself for everything I am, including my flaws. Now, I actually enjoy being by myself, I know me better than I ever have and because of that my self esteem has sky rocketed. I get hit on constantly by women, and my late girlfriend is, well not to be conceited, is all over me. **********************************************8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author freckles73 Posted February 18, 2007 Author Share Posted February 18, 2007 The funny thing is, ever since the break-up I've had a lot of personal growth health-wise, financially, professionally and emotionally. It's just this one area in which I feel so stuck. I feel confident and my self-esteem is better than it's been in years --- I know I could find another man. But I don't want another man. I still want him. How twisted is that?! I have so many things I'm working on that should keep me distracted, but the thoughts of him and the longing for him are ever-present in my mind. It's like this awful battle I fight with my own mind and my own heart to keep him out. I hate it. I hate that he is still the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I fall asleep. Sorry, I'm whining. Link to post Share on other sites
RocketMan2 Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 Some top advice there from Rooster, I wish I could follow it Mornings are the worst for me, waking up alone is one of the most painful things for me. Waking up without her arm around me, or mine around her. Jeez that really tugs the old heart strings thinking about that. I know how you feel Rocket Link to post Share on other sites
Author freckles73 Posted February 19, 2007 Author Share Posted February 19, 2007 I'm torturing myself, I know. I found his profile on a couple of dating sites. It's like a kick to the gut. The first time we dated he dumped me after more than half a year. Then he came back. He was the one to ask to come back. He said he couldn't get me out of his head. But then three months later he dumped me again. This time he was particularly cruel about it, even more so than the time before. And there's a part of me that still wonders if he thinks about me....if I'm still in his head. It's this vicious cycle of thoughts that are torturing me and I can't seem to stop them. Link to post Share on other sites
ratingsguy Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Hi freckles. I think one of things you need to do if you haven't already is to avoid anything that reminds you of him. This may be easier said than done because sometimes EVERYTHING will remind you of the person you were with. For instance, with me, everything having to do with the 70s will make me think of my ex. Weird, I know, but it's true. You mentioned finding him on a dating website. Block his profile so you can't ever see it again. Take all the pictures of him, and every other tangible thing you have that relates to him and pack them away somewhere where they can't be seen. Maybe you've done this already, but if you haven't it absolutely has to be done. The key I think is to take small steps to lessen the hurt. And by all means, if you're aren't in NC, you need to be there... yesterday. Make an effort not to dwell on this and focus on the things you love (other than him of course!). You will get there. Sometimes it takes longer than you think, but you will get there. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freckles73 Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 I put everything in a box and tucked it away in a closet. It doesn't seem to matter where I am or what I'm doing, reminders really aren't necessary because he's always on my mind. It doesn't help that he lives down the street and I have run into him a couple of times, as much as I try to avoid that because it's painful to see how he looks right through me as though I am invisible. I'm moving in a few months...if I can find a new apartment that will take me (I'm going through bankruptcy for old cancer debt). My girlfriend is the one who found my ex on the dating sites. I'm not using them, because I'm not even close to being ready for that. I had a falling out with this friend (partially because she is fooling around with a married man and I'm against such things) and I think she emails me that stuff about my ex just to upset me because she's pi$$ed off that I won't talk to her or return her emails. I blocked her email, but she keeps coming up with new email accounts. Well, this is a seperate issue. I've been NC with my ex for several months now. He wants nothing to do with me, so there would be no point. The fact that he will never again be a part of my life is why it is so frustrating and painful that I can't get him out of my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Teacher's Pet Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 I've been NC with my ex for several months now. He wants nothing to do with me, so there would be no point. The fact that he will never again be a part of my life is why it is so frustrating and painful that I can't get him out of my head. Freckles, Don't feel bad... Yesterday marks 8 months since my breakup, and yes, there have been ups and downs, but lately, I've been feeling very positive about myself. I'm working out, going out with my awesome friends (hi FW!), restarted an old "career" of mine (bartending), and even got laid off today from my "day job", which was a mixed blessing, because it was a part of my depression over this time period.... Losing my job today, while somewhat a financial burden, felt like erasing another piece of my past which I'd like to put behind me. A new day, a new me, and a new you, too, if you want it. Go for it. -tp down, but hardly out. Link to post Share on other sites
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