Vincent21212 Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Well I got back from a year tour in Korea last night. My girlfriend was there to pick me up from the airport, like she said she would. We went out for drinks for the rest of the evening and the whole time I knew exactly what was up, what was going thru her head. So I asked her finally if she was seeing someone else. She starts crying, and I tell her its okay. For the past two weeks I've been telling my girlfriend that I wasn't sure it was going to work out between us. I was giving her the cold shoulder at the last minute, hoping she might find someone else to help her ease out of our relationship. She's the type of person who cannot be alone, I realized a long time ago. It was a relationship that involved a lot of arguing and disagreements. I felt like she didnt really give me all I wanted in a relationship. But she would make every attempt to make things work between us, even waiting a whole year for me to get back. But I saw right thru all ofthose attempts, they meant nothing to me. So I guess I got exactly what I asked for. But I didn't realize it would hurt so bad. I've been replaying the situation in my head for the past couple of weeks and I convinced myself that there was going to be no hurt if she met someone else, just relief. Well it hasn't turned out that way, but then again its only been 36 hours. We said our goodbyes in a very proper manner, it wasn't messy at all, albeit a lot of crying. I realize that I loved her more that my "reasoning" thought I did. Or maybe I loved that she loved me. But I'm not going to seek her. But wow, I'm alone now, with no one to love me, and I don't say this in a pitiful way, it's just a reality that hits me. Anyway, should I start deleting pictures, throwing away love cards and breaking contact points with her? Or should I just hide them somewhere I can run into them and dig them out months or years later when I'm over her? It hurts having these little connections to her. But, even though I hold no hope of being back with her, its a hard thing to do, to get rid or her entirely.
Cossette4 Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I think it's a good idea to put all the things that remind you of her out of your sight, but DON'T throw them away yet. If you throw them away, you might regret it some day b/c you can't bring them back (whereas....if you hang on to them and then feel like you don't want them anymore, you can toss them in a second.) I was told by a good friend that those things aren't just "relationship" items...they are memories that are a part of your life...there might be other people in those photos, or objects that invoke memories of MORE than just your relationship. You should want to save that. For example, I have gobs of prom photos with my ex and yes, I wanted to destroy them at first, but now, I'm glad I kept them b/c all of my high school friends are in the background, and that's not just my "relationship;" that's MY PROM, something I'm always going to remember and get to tell my kids about one day.
ratingsguy Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I think it's a good idea to put all the things that remind you of her out of your sight, but DON'T throw them away yet. I couldn't agree more. Find a box, fill it with everything having to do with her, and bury in the back of your closet. You never know what the future is going to hold. Besides, once you're over her and you've moved on emotionally... they are still memories that are part of your life. I've been through this a few times. I've had a box for each girl I was with. Girlfriend 1 told me to throw away her box, and out of respect since I dumped her, I did. Although, I regret doing that. After Girlfriend 2 and I broke up, I kept that box for a while. Then after getting over her, I mailed it to her. I have no idea if she still has it or not. Girlfriend 3 dumped me, I'm over her, but I still have that box. And Girlfriend 4 I'm in the process of grieving, and I have that box under my bed.
Guest Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I agree with Cossette and RG. Box it all up for now. You'll know when its time to throw it away because you won't have to ask.
shockandawed Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Vincent, Totally agree with Cossette and Ratings. My fiance and I broke up before Christmas. I took all the pics around the house, items she gave me, momentos, etc and put them in a box in the basement. It was a tough day but I did have some sense of accomplishment after I did it. Then took all the pics on the computer and placed them all in one folder with a stupid icon. She also gave me a CD about two weeks ago that had over 300 pics she had taken over the last 3 years. So I know she didn't destroy hers either. It is easier to look at them now, in fact, I used one she had taken for a profile, lol!! It's a chapter of your life, I would get them out of sight, but maintain them. Tough days ahead, you found a great group of people here to help. Post away!! BTW, thanks for your service to our country!!!
guin_girl Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I agree with the rest... I packed everything physical up and hid it from myself. I took all of the information on my computer and zipped it up, put it on a disk and removed it from my computer. I don't want to lose the memories of the person and my past, I want to lose the pain that those memories cause. And as with all of my exes, the pain does go away, and I still have the memories of my life. I can't and do not want to delete my life and this person was a part of my life. Those memories and the time I spent with that person shaped who I am now...
Author Vincent21212 Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 Thanks everyone. Thats what I thought. Its weird, just thinking of the role she now plays in my life, a role of reminiscence, memory, and lessons learned in life, when just the other day she was my companion. This is probably the roughest time.
Zoo Station Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I would keep everything if I was you because I made the mistake and destroyed a lot of my memories. A month or two into my breakup I decided to call my ex. Needless to say the conversation didn't go as I expected, it made things worse for me. I was by myself at the time and had a few drinks. In my drunken stupor I thought it would be a good idea to shred the "lies" that she wrote over the years and I dumped all my old cards and letters into my shredder. I kinda regret that because I know I would probably have liked to read those again some time in the future for memory's sake. Also, as someone else stated, you never really know what will happen in the future. All I have left are gifts and pictures. I put them away in a drawer that I don't use often and they will probably sit there for a long time. I'll cherish the pictures especially because those are really the only ones I have of me from from my late teens and early twenties.
thatmatt Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I gave my ex most of the stuff back, but that was in an angered and immature state where I felt she was spiting me, and really just confirming reasons why I ended it in the first place. That said, I still have a few reminders, a few pictures. I wanted to get her out of my life as fast as possible, because I felt like I she had removed me from her life, for various reasons. I threw out most everything, and even broke some stuff, and burned a few things, like some pictures and a reciept for a ring I had bought her 4 months before. For me, it was part of the healing process, and as this is my first time through all of this, I'm trying to be positive and see it as a learning experience, although I do feel like **** sometimes for giving her stuff back to her. I just try to stay positive and take away something learned.
Trialbyfire Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Yes, do pack it away. Never throw away your current experiences, from happiness to sadness. It's what shapes us as people. Once you've completely moved on years later, take it out and then decide if you want to get rid of it. If at that point it's meaningless, then dispose of it.
Island Girl Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I, too, have made the mistake of destroying everything from every one of them. Now I wish I had all of those love letters, cards, etc. I was the one to end in in every case. So I didn't think all that stuff would matter. But now that it has been a long time it might have been nice to reminisce. You are feeling more of the emptiness because it just happened. You have just gotten back as well (welcome home!) so of course it is going to be difficult initially. You'll be fine once you settle into a routine of your own here. Get out and see friends and family again. I'm sure a lot of people have been missing you. Thank you for your service for our country. It is appreciated.
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