Guest Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 So I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years now- I'm 26, he's 28. About 6 months ago he was offered what he called his 'dream job' 400+ miles away. He told me that he would only take it if I would move with him, but I'd have to decide within 2 days. Because his family and friends were starting a lot of "why aren't you asking her to marry you yet" type conversations, I thought he was on the brink of serious commitment so I agreed to move. He's since conceded that it was unfair to make me decide that quickly. Where I live now has far more career opportunities for me and is close to my family. In my time without him here, I've had a chance to reflect on the time I've spent with my guy, and I've started to conclude that things that have been important to me (ie friend's and brother's weddings) are things he does his best to get out of. I've brought it to his attention and he's been trying to make it up to me (he drove the 8 hours to go to dinner). My problem is, now that I've started to feel like I don't need him or even fully enjoy being around him (he's my best friend, but anything intimate isn't appealing)- do I make the move, give up my job, and leave my family to see if this works? Do I try to make this bruised LDR work even though I've already mentally moved on? Thank you for your help.
BabyPhoenix Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Do I try to make this bruised LDR work even though I've already mentally moved on? Why would you even consider trying if you have already emotionally dis-engaged from the relationship?
norajane Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 I don't see how things are going to get better if you move - you already don't find sex and intimacy with him appealing. It will be worse if you move away from your family and friends and have no one there except him.
Sweetie2007 Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 So I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years now- I'm 26, he's 28. About 6 months ago he was offered what he called his 'dream job' 400+ miles away He told me that he would only take it if I would move with him, but I'd have to decide within 2 days. I thought he was on the brink of serious commitment so I agreed to move. He's since conceded that it was unfair to make me decide that quickly. Where I live now has far more career opportunities for me and is close to my family. In my time without him here, I've had a chance to reflect on the time I've spent with my guy, and I've started to conclude that things that have been important to me (ie friend's and brother's weddings) are things he does his best to get out of. I've brought it to his attention and he's been trying to make it up to me (he drove the 8 hours to go to dinner). My problem is, now that I've started to feel like I don't need him or even fully enjoy being around him (he's my best friend, but anything intimate isn't appealing)- do I make the move, give up my job, and leave my family to see if this works? Do I try to make this bruised LDR work even though I've already mentally moved on? Thank you for your help. I had the same problem, I guess, with my LDR. My boyfriend and I were together for a month (physically, after knowing each other for 9), then because of my family, school, finances, his work and school, and whatever, not able to be together for 17 months. I eventually had to disconnect myself a little, to be able to go on with my daily life, without always being depressed from the seperation. I felt like I could live without him, but I still felt like I wanted to be around him, because he made me laugh, and he made me happy, and I still loved him, the love just changed. I came to where he lives, and decided to spend 3 months, in that time I knew that we would either go forward, or backwards. It turns out, we went way forwards, which was good, because I'm not sure that after 3 months I could say goodbye forever. I guess what I'm saying is, that you have to decide what is more important. If I were you, I wouldn't quit my job, and make the commitment to move, forever, to someone I'm not positive I want to be with forever, and to a place I don't feel comfortable in. What I would do, in your situation, is take a week or two off from work, and go visit him. Go as friends, so that if it doesn't work, you won't be as disappointed and hurt. If it works, and the "sparks fly" (sorry for the cheap expression, but it fits), then you can think about moving. The other thing to consider, is the job, can you get a job where he is? Look into that, and plan. And, consider yourself lucky that at least you can drive to each other, 5 hours is nothing compared to the thousands of miles and oceans that some people have to deal with... just test it, and stay open with him... good luck
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