littlebit Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Hey guys I have been with this guy who is 31 yrs. old for a year now. He is currently in the middle of a divorce (him and his wife have been separated for 4 yrs.) but before I came along prolonging the agony of divorce/paperwork. He has a little girl with this woman that I have gotten quit close to. I am 28 years old with no children, never been married. Well in the beginning of our relationship he came on strong and I followed his lead. I moved in with him as he made things sound so great. I thought he was the man of my dreams, I got close to his family and brought him into my family. We talked about getting engaged once his divorce was final. Lately about us he has been up and down. One minute he wants to marry me the next he doesn't which plays with my emotions. Well then 3 days ago he broke my heart by saying he did not love me and we were not meant to be together, that he did not want to get married or have more children. I took it hard at first but moved out. Now I guess I am ok with the situation because although I cared for him I felt I was giving up a lot to be with him and in many ways the relationship was very stressful for me. I took on a lot of his problems I guess. Well now he is crying and telling me he made a mistake, that he does love me and he would like to work things out. I want a commitment from this man but I think his problem is he is afraid of commitment. I do love him but I do not want to put myself back in the situation with him without a commitment or something. Do you think he will commit or is he playing games. thanks little bit:(
magichands Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Well now he is crying and telling me he made a mistake, Well, he's missing you. Don't fall for it.
Author littlebit Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 So does he actually love me and want to commit or is he just lonely.
magichands Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 So does he actually love me and want to commit or is he just lonely. It could be either, but given what he said to you, can you trust him?! I think not.
Author littlebit Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 So best not to answer his calls and just forget him all together.
magichands Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I know it's sad, but I think it's for the best. You did say that part of you felt relieved.
Author littlebit Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 Yes, this is true, he is just so confussing to me. One day we are planning a future and the next he is breaking up with me, and then the next he is crying because I left like he wanted me to.
Author littlebit Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 Please tell me this is not normal for men to be this wishy washy. I thought dating a 31 year old man he would have it together a little more than this
Vincent21212 Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 This may not help at all, because I'm in a situation where I did not want to commit to take my relationship further and I would tell my girlfriend she needed to move on because we weren't meant to be together. Now that we're apart, I miss her and would run away with her far away, but our history shows that we truly aren't meant to be together. In a nutshell, I'd have to tell you that its a gamble. I think he deserves a second chance, but not a third. The "don't know what you got til its gone" phrase has never been truer. There are second chance happy endings for some people.
Grrlish Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Hey guys I have been with this guy who is 31 yrs. old for a year now. He is currently in the middle of a divorce (him and his wife have been separated for 4 yrs.) but before I came along prolonging the agony of divorce/paperwork. He has a little girl with this woman that I have gotten quit close to. I am 28 years old with no children, never been married. Well in the beginning of our relationship he came on strong and I followed his lead. I moved in with him as he made things sound so great. I thought he was the man of my dreams, I got close to his family and brought him into my family. We talked about getting engaged once his divorce was final. Lately about us he has been up and down. One minute he wants to marry me the next he doesn't which plays with my emotions. Well then 3 days ago he broke my heart by saying he did not love me and we were not meant to be together, that he did not want to get married or have more children. I took it hard at first but moved out. Now I guess I am ok with the situation because although I cared for him I felt I was giving up a lot to be with him and in many ways the relationship was very stressful for me. I took on a lot of his problems I guess. Well now he is crying and telling me he made a mistake, that he does love me and he would like to work things out. I want a commitment from this man but I think his problem is he is afraid of commitment. I do love him but I do not want to put myself back in the situation with him without a commitment or something. Do you think he will commit or is he playing games. thanks little bit:( I responded in your other thread. The one thing I will add here is the reminder that he's married so he's not necessarily afraid of commitment. He's probably not looking to jump back into the marriage waters quite yet though.
Grrlish Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Please tell me this is not normal for men to be this wishy washy. I thought dating a 31 year old man he would have it together a little more than this Age doesn't have a whole lot to do with it, Li'l Bit. My ex is 45 and still went wishy-washy on me. I even gave him a second chance. And what do I hear? Wish-wash, wish-wash...but now it's from a distance. That wish-wash cycle is too tough on the heart. Look, he's in the middle of a divorce so you two either started dating before the divorce was in process or during the process. Are they legally separated, not just living apart? Are you sure that divorce papers have been filed? Just confirming. Now, coming out of a marriage, truly, the chance of him wanting to dive back in right away seem pretty slim. Are you a long rebound? Maybe. ...he broke my heart by saying he did not love me and we were not meant to be together... Ummm, after hearing these words...why are you even considering staying or reconciling with this man? People don't say these things without meaning them. The rare person that will say them just to hurt you...well, sounds like the tip of an iceberg of emotional abuse or at least drama. I would suggest not wasting any more of your time, LB. People come back for second chances (and thirds and fourths...), often because they're lonely and/or, yes, they miss the other person. But is that enough for you? After a year, if he wanted to marry you, he'd come to you saying so and with an engagement ring in hand. Regardless of the social issues, he doesn't have to be divorced to propose to you. Personally, I think you'd be a fool to accept a proposal under these circumstances but, hey, that's just me. Again, go back and read the words that he said to you. THIS is how he feels inside. If a man I was living with and discussing marriage with said these words to me, I would never be able to forget that he said them.
blskaah Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I'm in the longer version of this. I met a guy in the middle of a divorce, we ended up moving in. Found out I was pregnant about a year and a half later and he does the maybe I want to, maybe I don't. We've lived together four years now with no commitment. From my personal experience if he is saying he wants to marry you one day and not being sure the next, then it's not going to happen. I'd say just tell him you aren't going to do it and go on with your life. If you give him that second chance you might end up with a kid and that makes it that much harder to leave when you should. Everything that he's done is a warning sign. I just really don't think it's ever going to happen.
Recommended Posts