SASSY31 Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 i have been with this married man for 4 years he say he loves me ,he provide for my household when neede,takes me out, calls daily spend alot of time with me, but i feel hurt when he is with his wife,today is their anniversary and he had forgot what day it was on, me and him had big plans for this day, but when she reminded him he immediately called and rescheduled with me,saying that he is not going to be anywhere else but with his wife on his anniversary, but however that hurt me badly because any other time he is with me,so he is wining and dining her and im left in the cold crying,but before he takes her out, he came over made love and spent about 4 hours with me,i guess to try and make me feel better, do he not know that he is hurting me or do he care
BUTAFLY Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 It sucks doesn't it . Your obviously a loving person who wants and rightfully deserves to be treated as such. Perhaps this is the price to pay when two women are sharing the same man. One will always be left out @ one point or the other and left alone with hurt to ponder these types of questions. I wish you well.
norajane Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I'm sure he must realize this situation hurts you, and if he's been with you 4 years, he probably does care that it hurts you...but, he's not going to divorce his wife to be with you. 4 years is a long time. He has had plenty of time to decide what he wants, and it seems he wants to stay in his marriage. He will keep seeing you as long as you let him. How long will you let him to do this to you? Maybe it's time for you to do something good for yourself and end this relationship so that you can one day be with someone who loves only you, so you don't have to wait until he can sneak some time in with you. Maybe it's time for you to stop seeing him so that you can meet someone who does not have a wife and will put YOU first in his life. Maybe it's time you put yourself first and refuse to accept sitting on the sidelines. Leaving him may be one of the hardest things you've done, but aren't you worth it?
frannie Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 do he not know that he is hurting me or do he care I can't understand anyone who thinks it is another person's job to act so as not to hurt them when they themselves are a willing participant in events. You are ALLOWING him to do this. Why should he care for you more than you care for yourself..? Every one of us needs to look after ourselves, because we cannot expect another person to put us first if we value ourselves so little. That said, you are just going to keep hurting if you see this as a battle between you and his wife, and complain and hurt and act out when he is with her. He's married to her, and it's their anniversary... where is he going to be, sensibly speaking..? Either you accept that, or you have to get out, surely..?
outofdarkness Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 i have been with this married man for 4 years he say he loves me ,he provide for my household when neede,takes me out, calls daily spend alot of time with me, but i feel hurt when he is with his wife,today is their anniversary and he had forgot what day it was on, me and him had big plans for this day, but when she reminded him he immediately called and rescheduled with me,saying that he is not going to be anywhere else but with his wife on his anniversary, but however that hurt me badly because any other time he is with me,so he is wining and dining her and im left in the cold crying,but before he takes her out, he came over made love and spent about 4 hours with me,i guess to try and make me feel better, do he not know that he is hurting me or do he care I agree w/ Frannie..You don't have to put up w/ it. As long as he's w/ his W, most likely, you will play second fiddle. I'll be thinking of you..
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 do he not know that he is hurting me or do he care He knows that he is hurting you. He just doesn't want to be reminded of that.
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 i have been with this married man for 4 years he say he loves me ,he provide for my household when neede,takes me out, calls daily spend alot of time with me, but i feel hurt when he is with his wife,today is their anniversary and he had forgot what day it was on, me and him had big plans for this day, but when she reminded him he immediately called and rescheduled with me,saying that he is not going to be anywhere else but with his wife on his anniversary, but however that hurt me badly because any other time he is with me,so he is wining and dining her and im left in the cold crying,but before he takes her out, he came over made love and spent about 4 hours with me,i guess to try and make me feel better, do he not know that he is hurting me or do he care He's living a lie. He's lying to his wife, betraying her - And he doesn't care. He's got you on the side - Whenever he feels like seeing you, he will - ON his terms....And it hurts you because you're not being put first. You have to decide what you want. This man seems like he isn't going to leave his wife for you - So do you want to stay the OW, lose out on a FULL relationship with someone else? Or do you want to stay with him, waiting for him, getting what you can out of the those moments you're with him but mostly alone? He has TWO women in his life meeting all his needs. He isn't going to change a thing because he's happy and putting HIS needs first. Where is your anger? Why are you settling? How long do you want to stay the OW? Either accept things as they are, start putting yourself FIRST more often on YOUR terms, or end it. I know you probably don't want to hear this but the stuff you're going through is what happens when you're in an affair. Your emotions may feel like you MUST be number one, but in all reality, the guy has a wife, a life built with her, a house, friends, family, neighbours...A history. he isn't going to give that up for you - The unknown.... Think about what YOU really want. Is this situation worth the pain you're feeling?
MoonGirl Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Sassy, You're dating a married man...and you've been dating him for 4 years. If he were planning on leaving his wife to be with you, then he probably would have already done so. Since he is married, you have to share him; since sharing him hurts you, you can expect to be hurt often. Listen to what WWIU is saying. She's right.
BUTAFLY Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 put yourself in his wifes shoes...would you really want to be her? knowing your husband has a wondering eye, others looking at him as the sleezball, people looking at you with pitty because he can't keep his penis in his pants, being lied to and betrayed everytime he looks you in the eyes. I mean come on....like WWIS said, why settle? Is it worth the pain?
Guest Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I agree with the others. If he hasn't left after 4 years he ain't gonna. Why should he? He's got the best of both worlds. You got involved with a married man, where on earth would he be on his anniversary other than with his wife? Even the women on TOW admit only 3% of MM leave the wife and marry the OW. The odds are against you.
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