NoIDidn't Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I know this should probably be on the Infidelity forum, but since SC is here just as often its here. NoIDidn't...if my actions contributed to it...please give me an example. If I loved her unconditionally, treated her like any woman would want to be treated, and there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her......tell me...give me an example of what I could have done to contribute to what she did. I would like to converse more about the above because its why you are stuck. You are unable to see anything in any of your actions that may have contributed to anything potentially negative. Instead of talking about you, I can give you examples from MY life. My H isn't a terribly romantic guy, so when he does something romantic, I feel kind of pressured to go along with it. Especially if I want him to do it again. And its worse if his idea of romance is my idea of annoying and boring. Honestly, since it happened before you even got M, it probably has more to do with her commitment fears than anything else. Some people, a lot of people really, have commitment issues and test the waters before making the huge commitment of life to one partner. I am just concerned about you. I am not here to convert any OW. People are going to do what people are going to do, regardless of the consequences. I think the writers of The Matrix had it right. We humans do not thrive in Paradise, but with a balance between pleasure and pain. It is so obvious that you are hurting. But you are using the energy that can help heal you in such a negative way. I am in no way judging you. But I've been there and done that. And all it does is change you into the monster you were lashing out at. I found this article on emotional eating. The author states that the key to healing is to go through the wound. Why is this thing eating at you so much? Is it because you too have felt the void in your M and feel guilty for having once considered cheating yourself? Again, not a judgment, and you don't have to answer that question here (it's rhetorical). Somebody has a signature that fits this, I think it says "Moral indignation is really jealousy with a halo". Is it because someone else cheated on you in the past and you never really got over it? Could be a parental relationship or a first crush. Go through the wound to heal it. Poke around in it. Take the scab off and examine it. I will end this now because it might never end if I don't do it now. I would like to discuss it more via PM (sorry every one else). I really am concerned about you. For everyone else, sorry about the book and the conversation that really should be in a PM.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I know this should probably be on the Infidelity forum, but since SC is here just as often its here. I would like to converse more about the above because its why you are stuck. About the PMs...I can't turn them on for some reason..probably cuz I haven't been here that long. My H isn't a terribly romantic guy, so when he does something romantic, I feel kind of pressured to go along with it. Especially if I want him to do it again. And its worse if his idea of romance is my idea of annoying and boring. Well I always knew nice guys finished last...LOL...thanks for confirmin' it. Honestly, since it happened before you even got M, it probably has more to do with her commitment fears than anything else. Some people, a lot of people really, have commitment issues and test the waters before making the huge commitment of life to one partner. Then she shouldn't have married me. What I really resent is she didn't have the "tits" to "man up", in a womanly sort of way, and tell me before we got married so I had a choice in the matter. It is so obvious that you are hurting. But you are using the energy that can help heal you in such a negative way. I am in no way judging you. But I've been there and done that. And all it does is change you into the monster you were lashing out at. I won't say you are wrong there...but its only been 6 months since I found out. The visions aint goin' away. But as far as anger...I go to the gym every day...for two reasons...one..I just want to look really good and feel good about myself, and two...its a great way to release anger without bringing it home. Working out while angry is like a natural steroid (and no I don't use steroids....ever seen that show "The Man Whose Arms Exploded"??.....its sickening.) Why is this thing eating at you so much? Is it because you too have felt the void in your M and feel guilty for having once considered cheating yourself? Again, not a judgment, and you don't have to answer that question here (it's rhetorical). I'll answer it....no..I have never considered cheating...I did tell my wife that I ought to and see how she likes it. But no...even after being betrayed, I won't stoop to that level....EVER. And yes, the opportunity has presented itself when I have been hit on a few times...all I had to do was flash them my ring. I really am concerned about you. . Thank you, but I'll be fine.
Recommended Posts