Zoo Station Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Hey guys, I just stumbled on the site while browsing. Guess I'm just looking for somewhere to vent. I was in a long term relationship for about 7 years. A few months ago my girlfriend told me that it was over. She said she's changed and wants different things. Needless to say this really devastated me. She's always on my mind and I'm really having trouble coping with it. I haven't seen her for a long time. The last time I saw her we were talking about working things out, but when I called her up later that day she told me that she was confused and still wants out. I've called her a few times since and she basically turns me away. The problem is I miss her to death and still love her. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. I'm just really bummed out about it and can't figure out how to get over this. I can't stop thinking about her and all the things we did together.
Rooster_DAR Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Hey guys, I just stumbled on the site while browsing. Guess I'm just looking for somewhere to vent. I was in a long term relationship for about 7 years. A few months ago my girlfriend told me that it was over. She said she's changed and wants different things. Needless to say this really devastated me. She's always on my mind and I'm really having trouble coping with it. I haven't seen her for a long time. The last time I saw her we were talking about working things out, but when I called her up later that day she told me that she was confused and still wants out. I've called her a few times since and she basically turns me away. The problem is I miss her to death and still love her. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. I'm just really bummed out about it and can't figure out how to get over this. I can't stop thinking about her and all the things we did together. The more you contact her the more she will pull away. I would consider this to be over and you need to move on. It will take lot's of time to get over this, but you will eventually. I went through the same thing recently, and it has taken me nearly a year to sort through the damage and move on. Cut her off, change your number and go no connection. Good luck.
Author Zoo Station Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 The more you contact her the more she will pull away. I would consider this to be over and you need to move on. It will take lot's of time to get over this, but you will eventually. I went through the same thing recently, and it has taken me nearly a year to sort through the damage and move on. Cut her off, change your number and go no connection. Good luck. It's so hard to do. It's been almost 6 months and I still can't seem to stop thinking about her. She was my first and only, we were highschool sweethearts. It just seems like everything I do to forget her is just a diversion because whenever I'm alone or have nothing to do, there she is.
Guest Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I'm sorry you had to find this place Zoo Station but you found a good place. There are stages most people go through during a breakup. They can happen in no particular order and you might find yourself bouncing back and forth between them. 1) Shock/denial. This can't be happening. 2) Bargaining. If you do this I'll do that...or vice versa. I'll change if you just come back. 3) Anger. 4) Depression and grief. 5) Acceptance. Whatever you are feeling its normal and you are not alone. Obviously the only thing you can control is you so keep working on that. I know how hard it is, we all do. Sometimes you just need to feel it instead of fighting against it. Whatever happens you will get to where you need to be.
Author Zoo Station Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 4) Depression and grief I think I'm at that stage right now. I feel lousy all the time. I was just so sure she'd be the one I'd spend the rest of my life with. I hate to think others are going through the same thing but it's good to know I'm not alone. Sometimes you just need to feel it instead of fighting against it This is very true and it's something I've come to realize. Thanks
the_alchemyst Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 It's so hard to do. It's been almost 6 months and I still can't seem to stop thinking about her. She was my first and only, we were highschool sweethearts. It just seems like everything I do to forget her is just a diversion because whenever I'm alone or have nothing to do, there she is. Yea, that's me, too. Well, not really. I think about my exbf even when I'm out with other people or am busy with other things. It seems as though no matter how much my mind is occupied with something else, there he is. And it's hard and it sucks. Like you, my exbf was my highschool sweetheart or whatever. I had known him for many years, or at least, I thought I did; I have to confess that for the last two years, I sometimes caught myself wondering who he was--or rather, who he had turned into. Anyway, I have no real advice because in all of these months, I'm still in the same place, pretty much. The truth is that there is nothing we can do about it. They have made their choice, and whether we like it or not, they no longer want us to walk alongside them in the new path they have decided to take. Maybe that path will lead back to us and maybe it won't. And even if it does, you might find that you yourself are no longer in the same place and have decided to also move, in which case, she will no longer find you there. I've realized there's nothing I can do, so when I find myself all teary-eyed about it, which is rather often, I just try as hard as I can to suck it up. I honestly do still hold a small light of hope that he will someday come back, but at the same time, I am hurt by all that he has said and done. I know, though, that I still love him, and that were he to return and were he sure that he would try to make it work, I would try again. I know that this may never happen, though, so while I still have that hope, I think that it's best that I just put it in a box and store it away, in hopes of trying to forget about it, and to remember it once again only if he reminds me. Whatever happens, happens, you know? It's difficult, yes, and I am still a mess, yes, but he can go to hell, yes.
Author Zoo Station Posted February 19, 2007 Author Posted February 19, 2007 I honestly do still hold a small light of hope that he will someday come back, but at the same time, I am hurt by all that he has said and done. I know, though, that I still love him, and that were he to return and were he sure that he would try to make it work, I would try again. Hey there... I know exactly how you feel. To tell the truth I do think about her all the time. When I'm in a lecture, when I'm at work or if I'm out with my friends, my thoughts always seem to drift to her. I still have hope that she'll come back too. I still love her very much even though she hurt me. I wish you all the best, if he doesn't come back I hope you can find happiness because that's what I hope for myself.
Guest Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 Hi there, just to let you know, your not on your own, im going through the same thing, i cant stop thinking about this guy i was with, its been going on for about a year now, i go through various stages, somedays im ok, most days i feel liek **** and he is contsantly on my mind, i recall memories we shared, and i get angry/confused/depressed as to WHY he changed, much like why the hell did ure girl change...we will NEVER know the ansers, i could say to you, move on, get over her, but it doesnt help, you just have to solider on in this bitch of a life and time will heal your wounds, it could take a long long long time, but things will get better. have faith. all the best.
Guest Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 I know how you feel. I just lost my first and only true love last November after 5.5 years. We were so cose and did everything together. To say I loved her would be a vast understatement. I treated her extremly well and would always do anything for her. We had a long distance relationship for most of the time, but I came back home on weekends, christmas, and summer. 2 months before I graduated college, she started cheating on me with a guy in a band. It gets worse. During those 5.5 years I never had sex with her, becuase she wanted to wait till marrige. As soon as she broke up with me she got on the pill and you can figure out the rest. Apparently the band guy didnt work and now shes with a high school drop out pot addict. I was planning on graduating and then asking her to marry me. That sure didnt happen. So here I am, 22, done with college, still a virgin, no friends becuase they are all 750 miles away at school still, no job yet, and no life. I feel bad that you have to be going through what I'm going through, becuase I know how painful it is. I am extremly depressed and think about her every second of every day. If you have a social network of friends though consider yourself lucky. I dont even have that since I went away to college. She cut me loose at a bad time thats for sure. I hope this helps you too see your not at all alone.
Broken... Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 I am yet another broken-hearted soul just like you. I was dumped by my ex a couple of months ago and it still hurts like hell. We were supposed to get married and have a beautiful life together. Now all the hopes and dreams have come to an abrupt end. I am in the grieving stage and feel very depressed. I keep telling myself that nothing in life is forever and this pain and agony will also come to an end. I just hope that the end will come sooner rather than later. Some people say that it takes half the time you were in a relationship to get over the breakup but hell, I don't want to spend the next 3.5 years of my life grieving (I was in this relationship for 7 years). So I choose to not believe in any statistics and although I'm not particularly religious, I hope and pray that God will speed up the healing process and provide comfort and peace to all the broken-hearted souls who are suffering at this moment. I hope something good will come out of this pain in the end. Keep the faith, keep breathing, and don't forget to be very very kind to yourself during this difficult time. I find it rather assuring to know that so many people have walked the path I'm walking now and are telling me that there is light at the end of tunnel and I'll be happy again. I choose to belive it. So should you. Peace...
WhiteKnight Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 After reading this thread, I pretty much understand how all of you are going through. I'll share my experiences with you. I have been thinking about my ex-gf a lot lately since I cut all ties with her about 2 months ago. Ever since I cut all ties with her, I know she hasn't changed. She's still the same cheeky, devious and cold hearted b*itch so to speak when she is still corting other men, even though she is married :/ Regardless how that happened. And her husband's intervention to tell me off and leave them alone, which I told the husband I oblige that willingly except my ex-gf kept trying to contact me. Well ever since I changed my contact details and blocked her email details. I have been thinking of her now and then, ever since I cut her off. She's avoiding me on chat rooms or any computer games that we both played with each other online. Except, the thing is that I was pretty disappointed that the friendship could not work out straight away. There was too many issues, so taking a break away apart might have been the best idea. I have to admit, I answered her when she had problems and needed guidance when asked. I was quite a caring guy but as time wained over... I felt the strain on myself and couldn't hack it anymore. So I changed. What caused me to change was that my ex-gf failed to see that despite how I was trying to help her, she ignored and destroyed what she had in her life. Her reputation, morale and charisma was all shattered after I had betrayed and revealed her lies, deceit to the cheating of the husband factor except I did not reveal who she was doing it with (which was me and another mate of mine). In the end, she's still with her husband which I am greatful to hear and their relationship is still yet unknown but I would like to think, regardless of what happened in the past is best forgotten and move on from it overall. There is no need for anyone to sit in your room, and wonder if 'a friendship' would be possible or not. To tell ya the truth, a friendship is always possible. Treat any ex partner that you have on a neutral basis. Be friendly, and opened to them. Forgive and Forget the major events of the past if you were to move on. Letting go of your ex is always very hard because you always ask yourself, should I be a friend or an enemy to them. I try not to be any of my ex's enemy, I try to be very blunt and tell the truth when needed, even if it hurts... the truth will set everyone free. Maybe one day, both you and your ex will see each other again and get along as close good friends like you were meant to be. In any stage of our lives, we all get hurt and make some happiness throughout our lives. To be blunt, it can go in a two way street... i.e. If you and your ex partner are willing to get along as friends and reheal the friendship that was destroyed. Or, leave things as they are. Everyone has to let go, or move on at some stage. Letting go of your ex partner when they don't want a friendship, whether its online or in person will always be very difficult. I will admit, I did run into a few of my ex partners who told me 'Online Friendship is fine' and thus I met them in person sometimes. In many ways when they try to avoid you, their 'partially yes' of not seeing you again is either a definite YES or the I'm not sure response. To be blunt, whenever you are thinking of your ex partner is natural. It does hurt the mind a little but it shows that a part of you truly cares and you always respected the love that you two once shared. That is the truth.
Double D Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 WOW! What a thread. Its so sad to read so many broken hearts out there and I am one of them. Me to cant stop thinking about my ex-gf. We broke up 4 months ago after a 6 month relationship. She is constantly on my mind sometimes at the forefront and sometimes at the back on my mind. She is still 99% of the time the first thing I think about in the mornings and think about all the memories and times we shared. I like what WhiteKnight said 'thinking of your ex partner is natural. It does hurt the mind a little but it shows that a part of you truly cares and you always respected the love that you two once shared.' I think this will bring me some comfort. Whilst im working through this very sad and depressing time, I keep working on myself, to work on being a better person and so the lucky lady who has me will have an even more learned person by her side. As Tom Hanks said in Castaway 'I have to keep on breathing and keeping myself alive, as the sun will rise tomorrow and tomorrow is another day. Wish you all the peace you are looking for. Keep hanging in there!
WhiteKnight Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 Same over to you Double D, glad to bring you some comfort
Guest Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 this thread truely is for the broken hearted... and im one of em its only been 2 weeks after a 2 year relationship, looks like ive got a very long way to go before i am happy again... i think about her all day everyday and its killing me, i still dont know why she left me...... anyways, its good to feel that im not alone, all you can do is keep breathing...
WhiteKnight Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Yea I know how you feel mate. Just hang tough and fight your way through the tough course of getting over the one you used to love. As sad as it sounds, sometimes in all kind of relationships. People break up for a reason. Recently I discovered why my ex-fiancee broke up with me. It wasn't because we weren't compatible or anything like that. It was basically that the 'love' of a friendship was sadly misinterpreted from her in the beginning when she actually did fall in love with me and betrayed the husband. Therefore the pain she and I experienced was something we learnt from, and to accept that we could and should act through the love as a brotherly/sisterly love. She did say to me that even if her marriage was not meant to be, I would be the first person she would seek for comfort. Through time it was the first steps I experienced my ex-gf actually saying... 'I want to help you... fix all the damage and pain I caused...' Many times I dislike the idea of my ex trying to help me, I usually don't care about it and tell them to leave me alone. But if my ex feels truly obligated to help me, then I let her prove herself from day one since the problems she had caused. Anyhow... 'thinking of your ex partner is natural. It does hurt the mind a little but it shows that a part of you truly cares and you always respected the love that you two once shared.' Just put yourself into the motivation that you want to move on with your life and learn from your mistakes of the past in order to give yourself a great future. A friend of mine gave me this website called Landmark, apparently its very useful and worthwhile to you. Here's the link... http://www.landmarkeducation.com.au/ I am thinking about doing it myself. Might be worth it.
Rooster_DAR Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 I am in the same boat as you people, 5 years and she fell in love with a co-worker. It's taken me months on end of steady behavior (self inflicted) to get my ball rolling again. You can recover faster if you do the right things, including being with you feeling when you need to. I suggest reading into relationships and lot's of positive kudos to your self on a daily basis. It's amazing how positive thinking helps you move along. I started researching human pairing and relationships vehemently when I was living in hell, and I was surprised at the things I have learned. One of my biggest therapeutic actions was forcing myself to be alone and do things on my own for a give period of time. Go out to clubs, sports events, concerts, the pet store, shopping or just about anything alone for a while and eventually you will get comfortable with yourself. This doesn't mean the hurt is going to go away instantly, it's just some things that helped me move along when I thought I just wanted to part from this planet. Cheers!
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