pricillia Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Does anyone ever get tired of the roller coaster ride that you are on being in this relationship? I think that I may take ratingsguy lead and look for a therapist. I have so many frustrations about this relationship because he has serious trust issues when it comes to me and he is frequently confusing. But mostly for me this relationship is driving me insain, it has almost been a year and although I know that I am an outsider in his life. I know where I would want this relationship to go but I don't see how it can continue like this with all of my fears and doubts... When I give myself to someone I give myself to them fully and I would expect the same. Being a OW is truly maddening at best. So has anyone gone through therapy or has anyone seen a counselor about this stuff. I am really a private person and don't normally share a bunch and I would like to work through this pain, because it is painfull.
puddleofmud Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Babe: if you feel you need an objective party as in a counselor than do "interview" a counselor to two or five and see how YOU feel about it. You have been going through so much and you may need more than what has been your sole support system. Nothing wrong w/ that! Just try it--you don't HAVE to be in "therapy" for the rest of your life! What could be lost by just talking to someone for a while to see how you feel about it? Certainly couldn't be any worse than US dumb skulls now could it? Kisses and big Hugs to YOU!
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 That's a great idea. I think if you talked to someone it would help you cope better and maybe even give you the strength to end things and walk away. People see therapists all the time for various reasons at times in their lives. I see one for my anxiety disorder. A friend of mine has just recently started seeing a therapist because her husband was ill, near death. He's OK now, but it really messed her up. So, don't worry about what anybody else thinks! See a therapist because only good things can come of it. My famous saying is, what you put into therapy is what you get out of it.
Author pricillia Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 We had a fight last night and it was a roller coaster to say the least. Today we have not talked and I need a break, I think that it could be over for good this time. He is sending me too many mixes...ha I don't know which way is up anymore.
Jinxx Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Does anyone ever get tired of the roller coaster ride that you are on being in this relationship? I think that I may take ratingsguy lead and look for a therapist. I have so many frustrations about this relationship because he has serious trust issues when it comes to me and he is frequently confusing. But mostly for me this relationship is driving me insain, it has almost been a year and although I know that I am an outsider in his life. I know where I would want this relationship to go but I don't see how it can continue like this with all of my fears and doubts... When I give myself to someone I give myself to them fully and I would expect the same. Being a OW is truly maddening at best. So has anyone gone through therapy or has anyone seen a counselor about this stuff. I am really a private person and don't normally share a bunch and I would like to work through this pain, because it is painfull. I got so tired of it I finally took the plunge and jumped off the roller-coaster. Has it been easy? Hell no! I knew exactly where my place was being the OW but never thought I'd actually fall for MM -- I did and very, very hard. We are still friends (we work part time together) but I keep my distance. No therapy on my part. I throw myself in other activities and allow myself to have an occasional meltdown every now and then. Your pain is justified and real. If you feel you need a therapist then go for it. It will get easier.
Author pricillia Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 Yes I hope it will get easier.... not sure if this is the end of the ride at this time, but I am tired... I feel like I want my feet back on the ground. All the twists and turns and loops... I want to be able to control where I go
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 ha I don't know which way is up anymore. Funny.......... You will figure it out and with the help of a therapist, things will become more clear.
NoIDidn't Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Be forewarned. Therapy is great when you allow it to be. But it will get worst before it gets better. Don't blame the bad feelings on the therapist. Its their job to help you bring it to the surface so that you can address it. Also, don't be surprised to find the real issue to have NOTHING to do with what you initially sought to see the therapist about. Good luck.
Author pricillia Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 Be forewarned. Therapy is great when you allow it to be. But it will get worst before it gets better. Don't blame the bad feelings on the therapist. Its their job to help you bring it to the surface so that you can address it. Also, don't be surprised to find the real issue to have NOTHING to do with what you initially sought to see the therapist about. Good luck. The issue /question is why I stayed in this relationship after I found out the truth about him....why I am in love with him...? but now just feeling tired of the drama... would like love, and passion but without the drama...
jag13 Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Yes, this would be good but is there a way to have the love and passion and no regrets with a MM. Is it ever worth it? Is it possible to have a deep emotional connection, great sex and be ok with him being married to someone else. I have a great job and love my work so I don't mind not having him around all the time but I wonder if I am setting myself up and eventually it won't be enough? I would love some advice from someone who has been there.
frannie Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 The issue /question is why I stayed in this relationship after I found out the truth about him....why I am in love with him...? but now just feeling tired of the drama... would like love, and passion but without the drama... pricillia I think it's a really good thing that you're asking yourself these questions. From what I read about your MM (all his jealousy and attempts to control you, just as one aspect of that) he's not a man who anyone would want to be with in the end anyway. I think seeing a therapist is a great idea, and like others have said... it's really difficult, and you will be facing unexpected things about yourself. It's a hard slog, but definitely worth it. Also, just a lot more reading about abusive relationships, controlling people, and codependency... just the basics... might ring some bells for you and help you fight your way out of this. Good luck.
outofdarkness Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Does anyone ever get tired of the roller coaster ride that you are on being in this relationship? I think that I may take ratingsguy lead and look for a therapist. I have so many frustrations about this relationship because he has serious trust issues when it comes to me and he is frequently confusing. But mostly for me this relationship is driving me insain, it has almost been a year and although I know that I am an outsider in his life. I know where I would want this relationship to go but I don't see how it can continue like this with all of my fears and doubts... When I give myself to someone I give myself to them fully and I would expect the same. Being a OW is truly maddening at best. So has anyone gone through therapy or has anyone seen a counselor about this stuff. I am really a private person and don't normally share a bunch and I would like to work through this pain, because it is painfull. I agree with most others..that is a good idea. I wish you well and hope that you feel some peace soon...
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