NeverLate Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Well I have been in NC with xOW for over a month now and I am doing pretty well with it. She does work with me so from time to time I will get an email from her asking for some work related information etc. When I get those kind of emails from her I respond and If it happens to be something I requested or related to me I always say thank you. I believe that there is no reason to be un professional even if we are through and essentially in NC. Now what do you guys think. Should I respond to emails like these or should I ignore them and work through someone else which is less efficient but would definiately get the message across. I think that responding to work related items which are VERY infrequent BTW is totally ok within the confines of NC as long as it doesnt go beyond that. Would love to hear your thoughts on this NL
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Question is - When you hear from her, HOW does it make you feel? Are you getting something out of it by dealing with her through email, even if it professional? If yes, then I would suggest you find someone else to deal with, and maybe have a middle person between you two so there will be NO contact at all, even professionally unless it's absolutely required. If you aren't feeling anything and it's not a big deal to you either way, then keep on handling the situation as you are now. Professional, courteous, and that's it. NO personal stuff, no how are you, blah blah blah. Keep it on the straight and narrow.. Hope this helps.
Author NeverLate Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 Thanks WWIUP, I do try to go though a middle when possible. There really has been only one instance where she contacted me asking me to do something. I responded that I'll take care of it and said thanks. That was it. Otherwise there has been absolutely no contact in the last month other than the incident where she returned some things I gave her during our relationship and then she called me to tell me she had been to my office to return them.
Jinxx Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I think that responding to work related items which are VERY infrequent BTW is totally ok within the confines of NC as long as it doesnt go beyond that. NL I see no problem this. Be professional, be polite. That is the best way to handle it. I am also NC (3 weeks I think) but we did end up working one evening shift together but thats it. Weird at first but got through it just fine.
Island Girl Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I see no problem this. Be professional, be polite. That is the best way to handle it. Absolutely perfect.
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 The alert us key is your friend!! Remember that!
puddleofmud Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 It is just "work" stuff which has absolutley NOTHING to do with anything other than work? It is "back to work" as usual--why question or delve? If she is conducting herself in a professional manner as to doing what is her job, than so should you. No prob' ...
Author NeverLate Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 Does there need to be a point? Im feeling things and I want to express myself and get feedback from people who share similar experience. I asked if everyone thought it was appropriate to respond to work related emails from my xOW. POM someone must have really screwed you over big time. Why delve? why post? If you dont like my post or dont think its relevant or whatever then dont respond. Its like TV. If you dont like the program then dont watch it!!!!! NL
NoIDidn't Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 NL You are always so quick to respond to perceived criticism with extreme negativity....chill. To add to your thread, Its only been a month, you are both probably feeling pretty ackward right now. That should be expected. Nothing is wrong with behaving professionally towards her or her towards you. It does seem like you are expecting her to *break* NC with some kind of declaration of her love for you. Posters asking why you are so concerned are just helping you ask yourself the questions. Not critical at all. Well, maybe not all. Unfinished business on your part, maybe?
Author NeverLate Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 Do I miss her? Yes. Do I think about her? All the time. When she emails me for work does my heart race? You bet. Getting over this person has been so hard. Do I wish she would break NC? Maybe. Do I still love her? With every cell of my body yes. This is so hard. So painful. I long for her. I know I have to get over it but I do. I was hoping for support here not [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2] criticism. This is painful enough on its own without having to deal with that.. NL [/sIZE][/FONT]
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 See NID got the answers that I wanted to hear from you. She just put in a way that was tougher and harsher than I. Now you're getting somewhere by opening up more and others can help you with suggestions on how to get through this. You now MUST go into NC mode completely. Let someone else deal with her emails at work. IF possible... You ARE getting something from her when she emails, even if it is work related. This is why the NC has to happen, otherwise you will end up back where you don't wanna be..
NoIDidn't Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 See NID got the answers that I wanted to hear from you. She just put in a way that was tougher and harsher than I. WTF!!!! Me harsh! You gotta be kidding me!!! Fugetaboutit! If you think that was bad, you would hate to get me IRL. When people want an honest to g-d, honest opinion, I am the first person they call. LOL.
jag13 Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I understand what you are feeling. I am trying to decide if I should break it of with my MM but lets face it...he is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about as I go to sleep. I know our relationship can go nowhere past an affair (he has been extremely upfront in that he values his family [he has two children]) but I don't know if this relationship will take its emotional toll on me. So I just want to say I am sorry that you are going through what you are and just know that people out there emphathize with you. Good luck
jag13 Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I know it seems so cruel that you meet someone and your heart is lost to them. When I see my MM face my breath is just taken right from under me. I never thought I would feel this way.
frannie Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Do I miss her? Yes. Do I think about her? All the time. When she emails me for work does my heart race? You bet. Getting over this person has been so hard. Do I wish she would break NC? Maybe. Do I still love her? With every cell of my body yes. This is so hard. So painful. I long for her. I know I have to get over it but I do. Sorry I can't remember this but... why did it end, and who ended it..? I agree with others who have said... if you still feel so much for her, and you get such a reaction from her emails, it might be better to go through someone else, since that's possible.
torranceshipman Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Unfortunately I have to work for my exMM, in fact he's my boss! So I just mentally drew a line - NC relates to anything non-work related, but at work, we have as much contact as is required to do a good job. Doesn't affect my NC out of work. It's a nightmare actually, as it's harder to move on, but I'm hoping it gets easier soon! - and I think it is actually quite good for him as he gets to see me every single day - I think he likes knowing I'm still a part of his life (idiot)...but we've managed to salvage a good working relationshp out of this mess!- so it isnt a total disaster. If you can find a way of avoiding them at work, tho, I'd do that!
scaredinlove Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Do I miss her? Yes. Do I think about her? All the time. When she emails me for work does my heart race? You bet. Getting over this person has been so hard. Do I wish she would break NC? Maybe. Do I still love her? With every cell of my body yes. This is so hard. So painful. I long for her. I know I have to get over it but I do. I was hoping for support here not [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2] criticism. This is painful enough on its own without having to deal with that.. NL [/sIZE][/FONT] Never you have to find someone else to deal with her and stay away because you will fall back into her arms again. If you are really serious about breaking up and is so much in love, than the porfessionalism won't help you. It is though to breaking a affair. I know what you are going thru because I a/was trying to break my affair. I thought if we kept only friends I would, but guess what and end up on his arms again and again. We have been in and off since august and everytime I fall back it is harder too leave again. So if you made the decision stick too it.
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