hopeto Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I give. My STBXH is being the biggest ass there ever was. he is even doing it in front of our daughter. She is noticing every day how he acts towards me. she said to me just the other day it's ok mommy I love you and I won't be mean to you like daddy. he is not like yelling or anything and I dont fight in front of her but she notices how he is doing with his actions and voice it is just real cold and sharp. My brother asked how he was doing cause he(XH) had to take daughter to the b-day party cause I had the flu and strip throat(in which he did not even bother to see if I needed anything or ask if I was ok nothing). he told my brother that it was hard?!!!! hard for who him or me. well that is what my mo said. she is not taking sides and is very upset that the marriage is breaking up because we have been together for such a long time.She did say that when she was dropping off the boxe for us to pack and move(me and my daughter) that he said in a nasty tone to her this is all over some horses. He still blames it on the animals and not the things he has done. He still see he has done no wrong. Please explain to me why he is so mean!!!! WHY after all the years we have been together he is just nasty. He is just like his mother and she ended up crazy and in a looney bin. he is just mean. how could y ou be mean??
tonyp56 Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 As an ex-husband and one that was a big reason why my former marriage failed, I would say he is mean because he KNOWS he did wrong. It is easy to blame someone else for failures, and of course, by blamming the animals, it gives him an even easier way out. If he acts like an ass around you, it is because he is hurting, perhaps, not even knowing why, but hurting nontheless. Don't know what happened, (sorry, don't have to time to go searching for your former threads/posts) if he left or you left or if it was mutual. Regardless of who left who, of how he talks, or even acted in the beginning, he is having a hard time with the seperation/pending divorce, perhaps second thoughts, or maybe just a hard time letting go. I know that I think of my ex-wife all the time, and it still hurts to this day (left me 9-8-05). Now she left me, to top it off she moved in with someone else that she had been having an affair with for about 6 months. However, even though at first, I blamed her for our break, I've over the months, realized that it was at least 50% my fault as well. I can say that I wanted to blame her even more on the outside to protect my own feelings that I was feeling on the inside. Though I didn't (I've always remained nice, I've actually bent over backwards for her), anyways, this is likely the source of you ex-husbands attitude. Best advice, well, there isn't any that I can think of, it is something that he will have to get over on his own, you can't fix it. However, for you, I'd say try to reduce his chances to hurt you, don't spend much time around him. And if you can, use e-mail/text messages to communicate with him (thats what my ex-wife and I do, it helps to control the hurt, anger, etc.) so that he can't say hurtful things. When you have to be around him, keep it short, to the point, and don't stick around to smell the flowers.
Gunny376 Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 As an ex-husband and one that was a big reason why my former marriage failed, I would say he is mean because he KNOWS he did wrong. It is easy to blame someone else for failures, and of course, by blamming the animals, it gives him an even easier way out. If he acts like an ass around you, it is because he is hurting, perhaps, not even knowing why, but hurting nontheless. Don't know what happened, (sorry, don't have to time to go searching for your former threads/posts) if he left or you left or if it was mutual. Regardless of who left who, of how he talks, or even acted in the beginning, he is having a hard time with the seperation/pending divorce, perhaps second thoughts, or maybe just a hard time letting go. I know that I think of my ex-wife all the time, and it still hurts to this day (left me 9-8-05). Now she left me, to top it off she moved in with someone else that she had been having an affair with for about 6 months. However, even though at first, I blamed her for our break, I've over the months, realized that it was at least 50% my fault as well. I can say that I wanted to blame her even more on the outside to protect my own feelings that I was feeling on the inside. Though I didn't (I've always remained nice, I've actually bent over backwards for her), anyways, this is likely the source of you ex-husbands attitude. Best advice, well, there isn't any that I can think of, it is something that he will have to get over on his own, you can't fix it. However, for you, I'd say try to reduce his chances to hurt you, don't spend much time around him. And if you can, use e-mail/text messages to communicate with him (thats what my ex-wife and I do, it helps to control the hurt, anger, etc.) so that he can't say hurtful things. When you have to be around him, keep it short, to the point, and don't stick around to smell the flowers. WHOOOPPPPP~ THERE IT IS MANNING UP! 1
Gunny376 Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I give. My STBXH is being the biggest ass there ever was. he is even doing it in front of our daughter. She is noticing every day how he acts towards me. she said to me just the other day it's ok mommy I love you and I won't be mean to you like daddy. he is not like yelling or anything and I dont fight in front of her but she notices how he is doing with his actions and voice it is just real cold and sharp. My brother asked how he was doing cause he(XH) had to take daughter to the b-day party cause I had the flu and strip throat(in which he did not even bother to see if I needed anything or ask if I was ok nothing). he told my brother that it was hard?!!!! hard for who him or me. well that is what my mo said. she is not taking sides and is very upset that the marriage is breaking up because we have been together for such a long time.She did say that when she was dropping off the boxe for us to pack and move(me and my daughter) that he said in a nasty tone to her this is all over some horses. He still blames it on the animals and not the things he has done. He still see he has done no wrong. Please explain to me why he is so mean!!!! WHY after all the years we have been together he is just nasty. He is just like his mother and she ended up crazy and in a looney bin. he is just mean. how could y ou be mean?? Because the guilt is eating his azz up! 2
Author hopeto Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 wow this was a while ago. well here is an update. I begged to be loved and I went to struggles and boy was it tough. I divorced my ex and all the hell I endured, even though we divorced I still loved him and still do to this day and more so now. you see my ex lost his battle with all the struggles and took his life and his girlfriends life which by the way was supposed to be me, you must heed the warning signs you must. I got out, but I will tell you he was my soul mate and I mourn for him all the time. I am now raising a broken child who misses her daddy. please, this is not the answer. I miss being loved. so the advise I am seeking is this I have found that man who takes care of me, takes care of the bills, loves my daughter and if I said jump he would say ok how high. the delima is he dont even like to kiss, sex hahahaha well that is a blink my eye and it is over and he always takes care of him and just leaves me hanging and does not feel bad at all about it!!! there is no showing of emotions nothing cold. he says he loves me but how....and please tell me how to love again. I have talked till I am blue in the face to him and it does not change. am I just dammed and dont deserve love what ..... what can I do cause I am about to leave this relationship I stay cause my daughter loves him and I will not put her through another disaster. I will live in lonleyness just for her happiness please help.
Owl Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 What help are you asking for? If the relationship isn't working...end it. Make sure your daughter understands that there is more to a relationhip than just living together, and things aren't working out between you.
Author hopeto Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 the post were from 2007 they were a long while ago!
Author hopeto Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 Wow coopster........ hummmmmm....r u angery. Signs alwas signs. 1
Character Floss Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 hopeto... That is quite a saga and I am glad he did not kill you, or your daughter. That is something for which to be thankful. On the issue of the man you are with now...there seem to be two issues: His physical attraction to you and willingness to meet your sexual desires. You speak of, "Someone teach me how to love." Maybe you know how to love already? Or, is it possible, that you don't love/take care of yourself? On the first one...is there a significant age difference? Is it infrequent sex, only when he's "horned-up" and so he just uses you? Or is it selfishness/ignorance on his part? Some cultures tacitly teach men and women that women don't really enjoy sex, and are there to take care of the man's needs. On the second...I have no idea if this would be relevant for you...but I am getting a book called The Self-Parent Program. You mention how this man takes care of you. I am realizing that instead of "parenting myself," taking care of myself emotionally, setting boundaries, etc., I have looked to others (particularly women) to fulfill that role. That is unhealthy for me and it puts an unreasonable burden on a partner. I am not in your shoes, but I know for me that a relationship without love that I can experience and a healthy sex life is out of the question...but that's me, without kids, etc. Best wishes...and agree with your Coopster assessment. Hope he/she feels better for instructing you in forum essentials!
Recommended Posts