Salicious Crumb Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 I didn't clear anything up -- you came to your own conclusion. You are cheating on your husband, sleeping with someone elses husband....and you say there is nothing to save you from....what other conclusion is there?
Jinxx Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 You are cheating on your husband, sleeping with someone elses husband....and you say there is nothing to save you from....what other conclusion is there? Have you saved or converted your WS? I highly doubt it. With the bitterness you display on this forum, it is only a matter of time before she strays again. And no, there is nothing to save me from. MM and I were two consenting adults that acted on a mutual attraction we had for each other. Maybe you need to be saved or converted. Have you thought about that? What did you do to contribute to your wife straying? Something is obviously lacking if she cheated on you.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Have you saved or converted your WS? I highly doubt it. With the bitterness you display on this forum, it is only a matter of time before she strays again. Oh my home life and here are completely different. Besides...she is worried that I will leave her. If she does stray again, then she will be packing her bags and she knows I will be fighting for custody of my boys. And no, there is nothing to save me from. MM and I were two consenting adults that acted on a mutual attraction we had for each other. Wow...that makes it all better ....I never looked at betrayal in such a positive light!!! Maybe you need to be saved or converted. Have you thought about that? What did you do to contribute to your wife straying? Nothing...she just had a weak constitution and liked the attention from other guys too much no matter how much attention I gave her at home..and it was plenty. Something is obviously lacking if she cheated on you. Nice try cupcake. But now we all know the mind of a selfish cheater and woman who sleeps with other women's husbands....blame the betrayed...that is your motto.
whichwayisup Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Something is obviously lacking if she cheated on you. Something was lacking, maybe an unmet need, or something in his wife that had nothing to do with him. Why is it that some assume that it is the betrayed spouses fault that the WS cheats. She made the wrong choice and a bad one at that. Instead of talking it out, she chose to cheat. How is that SC's fault?
norajane Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Something was lacking, maybe an unmet need, or something in his wife that had nothing to do with him. Why is it that some assume that it is the betrayed spouses fault that the WS cheats. She made the wrong choice and a bad one at that. Instead of talking it out, she chose to cheat. How is that SC's fault? Agreed. IF there are issues, cheating isn't the automatic panacea for those issues, regardless of whose issues they are. Many people have issues in their relationships and marriages and don't choose to cheat. They either stay and work on the problems with their partner - starting with communication - or they get out of the relationship. Cheating is not the default middle ground. It is the coward's way of avoiding the issues.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Something was lacking, maybe an unmet need, or something in his wife that had nothing to do with him. Why is it that some assume that it is the betrayed spouses fault that the WS cheats. She made the wrong choice and a bad one at that. Instead of talking it out, she chose to cheat. How is that SC's fault? On top of that...since I have proof she did it when engaged, and pretty much now know she did when we were married...if she cheated before we were married...then why the hell did she marry me?
whichwayisup Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Good question and I hope one day she is able to answer that one for ya. Maybe she thought she could stop, or maybe she didnt' realize how screwed up she was inside - Got married hoping that things would be better for her. You didn't DO anything wrong. She is broken inside and obviously has something in her that needs to be filled, and having your love isn't enough for her. Question for you is, is the marriage workable and fixable now? Not only in words, but actions - IS she willing to fix herself, find out why she let all this happen? Doe she "get" it? Is she showing you remorse and wanting to gain your trust, faith and love again?
Salicious Crumb Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Something was lacking, maybe an unmet need, or something in his wife that had nothing to do with him. Why is it that some assume that it is the betrayed spouses fault that the WS cheats. She made the wrong choice and a bad one at that. Instead of talking it out, she chose to cheat. How is that SC's fault? Also WWIU...if you take the mindset of someone like Jinxx and put the blame on the betrayed with the whole "needs" thing....then she just gave me a reason and justification to go out and cheat on my wife. But that is the difference between the strong and the weak, and also between those who take their vows seriously and those who don't.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Question for you is, is the marriage workable and fixable now? don't know...the burden of greater effort in fixing it lies with her...so we'll have to see. She already agreed that going out to clubs with her friends is over...so thats a step in the right direction.
movinon05 Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 SC, a question for you. You say your married life is different than the attitude you bring here, but is it really? Can you honestly say your kids are not picking up on this anger you still have? And are you doing anything differently now to try to mend the fences with your W? I know my ex still harbors much anger and because of that, he has pushed his own children away. And we've been D 6 yrs and he has a fiance! Just curious.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 SC, a question for you. You say your married life is different than the attitude you bring here, but is it really? Can you honestly say your kids are not picking up on this anger you still have? Nope...I blow off my anger at the gym everyday...then I come home and it is usually me and the boys wrestling, laughing, playing games for the longest time. In addition to working out, my kids melt my anger away. I am so glad to have them. And are you doing anything differently now to try to mend the fences with your W? I didn't break the fence...the question you should be asking is, what is she doing to make it up to me. I know my ex still harbors much anger and because of that, he has pushed his own children away. And we've been D 6 yrs and he has a fiance! Just curious. I could never push my kids away. I love them more than anything in the world and everything I do is for them. I'm kinda like Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire...I need my kids. But i look better than Robin Williams...LOL.
Jinxx Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Something was lacking, maybe an unmet need, or something in his wife that had nothing to do with him. Why is it that some assume that it is the betrayed spouses fault that the WS cheats. She made the wrong choice and a bad one at that. Instead of talking it out, she chose to cheat. How is that SC's fault? It takes two people in a marriage to make a marriage work *if* indeed there is a real marriage. Therefore, both partners are responsible for their actions. I do not put all the blame on the BS. I WAS a BS years before I was an OW. Both my ex-husband and I were to blame for his straying. Additionally, I do not feel all the fault lies with SC. He obviously is hurting. I've been there. I know what its like. But from his venomous replies to OW on this board, it appears he is having a hard time coping. Rather than lashing out faceless OW/OM on this site whom he does not know, he should be in MC with his BS working our their problems, getting to the root of WHY his wife strayed in the first place.
Trialbyfire Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 It takes two people in a marriage to make a marriage work *if* indeed there is a real marriage. Therefore, both partners are responsible for their actions. I do not put all the blame on the BS. I WAS a BS years before I was an OW. Both my ex-husband and I were to blame for his straying. Additionally, I do not feel all the fault lies with SC. He obviously is hurting. I've been there. I know what its like. But from his venomous replies to OW on this board, it appears he is having a hard time coping. Rather than lashing out faceless OW/OM on this site whom he does not know, he should be in MC with his BS working our their problems, getting to the root of WHY his wife strayed in the first place. Jinxx, I'm sure SC will respond to this on his own accord but he's had enough pain. Stop baiting him.
Jinxx Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Also WWIU...if you take the mindset of someone like Jinxx and put the blame on the betrayed with the whole "needs" thing....then she just gave me a reason and justification to go out and cheat on my wife. But that is the difference between the strong and the weak, and also between those who take their vows seriously and those who don't. Nice try SC. "Needs" -- there is whole other area our there just for "needs". You just might find yourself with an OW one day. We can agree to disagree on this topic as I once said I wouldn't cheat either. The weak ones stay. The strong ones leave. I left.
Trialbyfire Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Nice try SC. "Needs" -- there is whole other area our there just for "needs". You just might find yourself with an OW one day. We can agree to disagree on this topic as I once said I wouldn't cheat either. The weak ones stay. The strong ones leave. I left. Allow me to turn this around on you. Are you sure you were the strong one when you left? Are you sure you weren't running away from a situation that was too much for you to deal with? Now look at you, are you certain you're not lashing out at your past and getting into an OW relationship with a cheater because it's payback time?
Jinxx Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Jinxx, I'm sure SC will respond to this on his own accord but he's had enough pain. Stop baiting him. I'm sure he will too. I'm not baiting him -- just repying to his arrogant repsonses to my posts. He is a very bitter, bitter BS, bottled up inside with much hurt and anger. He is not doing himself a favor by staying in his marriage. Both him and his wife deserve better. Have at it SC -- I will take a break from responding to you for now. Feel free to attack me. I don't give a rats ass what you think anyhow.
Trialbyfire Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 I'm sure he will too. I'm not baiting him -- just repying to his arrogant repsonses to my posts. He is a very bitter, bitter BS, bottled up inside with much hurt and anger. He is not doing himself a favor by staying in his marriage. Both him and his wife deserve better. Have at it SC -- I will take a break from responding to you for now. Feel free to attack me. I don't give a rats ass what you think anyhow. If you were one of the betrayed, you should at minimum understand some of what he's experiencing right now. Of course he's bitter. Anyone would be after something like that. Did you not learn anything from your past?
movinon05 Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Nope...I blow off my anger at the gym everyday...then I come home and it is usually me and the boys wrestling, laughing, playing games for the longest time. In addition to working out, my kids melt my anger away. I am so glad to have them. I didn't break the fence...the question you should be asking is, what is she doing to make it up to me. I could never push my kids away. I love them more than anything in the world and everything I do is for them. I'm kinda like Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire...I need my kids. But i look better than Robin Williams...LOL. Well I'm glad to hear that, but I'm sure they must pick up on something different in your R with your W. And I wasn't asking you to mend the fences yourself. I know she has a lot to prove. Just wondering if you're open to whatever ways she may try to mend fences or do you think you will continue to harbor this anger. In other words, do you have forgiveness in your heart?
BenThereDunThat Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Slight t/j here...What happened to the thread where SC talked about his friend whose mom cheated and then he never spoke to her again? I can't remember which thread that was in but I posted something to it and now it's gone. I don't think I said anything offensive....I didn't get any red flags at least...
Salicious Crumb Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Rather than lashing out faceless OW/OM on this site whom he does not know, he should be in MC with his BS working our their problems, getting to the root of WHY his wife strayed in the first place. Why should I care WHY? All that matters is she did. What?...bending over backwards for her not enough...I have to break it in the process? Most cheaters cheat because of the thrill of being with someone new...not because there is anything wrong with the SO or that the SO did anything to cause the betrayal.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Nice try SC. "Needs" -- there is whole other area our there just for "needs". You just might find yourself with an OW one day. . Never happen
Salicious Crumb Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Have at it SC -- I will take a break from responding to you for now. Feel free to attack me. I don't give a rats ass what you think anyhow. If that were true, you wouldn't have felt so compelled to respond this whole time.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Slight t/j here...What happened to the thread where SC talked about his friend whose mom cheated and then he never spoke to her again? I can't remember which thread that was in but I posted something to it and now it's gone. I don't think I said anything offensive....I didn't get any red flags at least... No, you didn't say anything offensive..the post about the friend disowning his mother was just a counterpoint with a real-life experience to someone elses post..I can't remember if it was you or someone else.
pureinheart Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Always a little late in the game here....oh well..... The BW's helped me tremendously....not being able to communicate to others concerning the relationship left me without knowledge and kept me in a state of "hiding"...."my" life had become unreal in this, I lost me.... Also, having been a BW many times, they gave me a sense of reality to that which I had run from for so many years. Ex-MM's W was not real to me, they helped me make her real.... Upon coming to this forum, I had already ended it in my mind, the BW's confirmed my desire to stay out of it....they shed light to the darkness, and the freedom of hearing what I had already known truely set me free....I am free
Great Gazoo Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 I didn't break the fence...the question you should be asking is, what is she doing to make it up to me. This really stuck out for me. I don't think it will do either of you any good if you really think this. I understand your hurt but this is something both of you should be working on.
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