Kathleen Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Let me reword that. Are there any OW that were converted/saved by the BS's?
herenow Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Let me reword that. Are there any OW that were converted/saved by the BS's? I don't think that any BW is hoping to save an OW. We are not so naive to think that anything we say will change what the OW does. If sharing our experiences can help anyone understand another point of view, that's great. But, no one is out to "SAVE" anyone.
Author Kathleen Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 Well then I should've asked which OW have been helped in any way by the bs's that post here???
herenow Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 And since this is supposed to be a helpful forum, how would an answer to that question help you?
frannie Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I'll put my hands up to this: there are one or two BSs who have posted here and made a difference to how I look at things... probably even made a difference to how I go forward in dealing with this situation. Those aren't ones who have come here full of anger and bitterness and telling others how to behave and how they lack morals and so on. No one reacts well to that kind of posting. Those kinds of posts aren't even (imho) aimed at helping anyone. The ones who make the difference are BSs (and anyone else for that matter) who post about their own situation and feelings. And ones who are open-minded, empathetic, and without personal agendas. One who springs to mind immediately is Outofdarkness.
Author Kathleen Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 I'm not looking for help. Since no one (by that I mean other women) replied, your words may be falling on deaf ears.
outofdarkness Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I don't think that any BW is hoping to save an OW. We are not so naive to think that anything we say will change what the OW does. If sharing our experiences can help anyone understand another point of view, that's great. But, no one is out to "SAVE" anyone. yup..that's the way I feel as a BS!
outofdarkness Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I'll put my hands up to this: there are one or two BSs who have posted here and made a difference to how I look at things... probably even made a difference to how I go forward in dealing with this situation. Those aren't ones who have come here full of anger and bitterness and telling others how to behave and how they lack morals and so on. No one reacts well to that kind of posting. Those kinds of posts aren't even (imho) aimed at helping anyone. The ones who make the difference are BSs (and anyone else for that matter) who post about their own situation and feelings. And ones who are open-minded, empathetic, and without personal agendas. One who springs to mind immediately is Outofdarkness. Thanks for mentioning me!
Jinxx Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Let me reword that. Are there any OW that were converted/saved by the BS's? No. There is nothing the BS could do to convert or save me.
silktricks Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I continue to post for a variety of reasons, but never to try to "convert" anyone, nor do I want to bash anyone. I think mostly because at times I need to be able to voice my own honest-to-god opinions. Also, the OW/OM forum has far more going on than most of the other forums, so if I'm logged in I'll get a chance to read more "stuff" here.
Star Gazer Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Well then I should've asked which OW have been helped in any way by the bs's that post here??? I have. I posted about my experience on another thread. It was the BS here, as well as the OW who has successfully ENDED their relationships, that helped me see the light of day.
BenThereDunThat Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Same here, SG. I didn't come here looking for help to stay IN the A. I wanted out from the beginning. I didn't come here to talk about how the A was all wine and roses. BS and former OW's here were a big source of support for me. And a few who were neither BS or OW.
Star Gazer Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I didn't come here looking for help to stay IN the A. I wanted out from the beginning. In retrospect, I did too. I didn't know how to process the thoughts and emotions I was experiencing, and just wanted a way to stop, stop, stop the maddness. I think I may have subconsciously come here just to DEAL, but in the back of my mind I think I always wanted out. Even if I had someone how "won" MM, I would have still been a loser in the end. The BS AND the OW all deserve so much more than what they're getting.
TheDiva Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Let me reword that. Are there any OW that were converted/saved by the BS's? What's with all the OW vs BS? Can't anyone just read the posts for what they are instead of dragging out who (BS/OW) is behind it and respond accordingly. Or not respond at all in the case of the bashers.
puddleofmud Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I came here to save MYSELF knowing that I was the only one who could do so. I have enjoyed many convos with various women, both OW/ EX-OW/ BS/ EX-BS, & some rare OM, MM, EX-MM et al. What I have found is that "labels" are too fixated, intelligence is beyond my own, compassion is free/ available, perfection is unreachable, ideals are as unique and as human as that which is human, humour is unavoidable, and conversion to any ideal or point of view is USELESS. Persons do not come to any public forum in order to be "converted". I did not come here seeking a "bully pulpit" , though I have encountered countless bullies! I am capable of taking what I need and leaving the rest. I only offer what I am able with sincere gratitude about anything I am capable of giving: one can take it or leave it, as well.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 No. There is nothing the BS could do to convert or save me. And why is that?
outofdarkness Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 And why is that? It sounds like an old fasioned religiouls revival to say that we, as BS would try to "convert" an OW..It's not like they are in a cult...They are all adults who have real feelings.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 It sounds like an old fasioned religiouls revival to say that we, as BS would try to "convert" an OW..It's not like they are in a cult...They are all adults who have real feelings. It wasn't more of a question of trying to convert someone...I am just wondering why she feels that she cannot be saved? To say that is to imply that there is no intention of doing the right thing.
Jinxx Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 And why is that? Because there is nothing to convert me to or save me from. Got it?!
Salicious Crumb Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Because there is nothing to convert me to or save me from. Got it?! So you think affairs, cheating, and sleeping with other women's husbands is okay then? Thanks for clearing that up.
Jinxx Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 So you think affairs, cheating, and sleeping with other women's husbands is okay then? Thanks for clearing that up. I didn't clear anything up -- you came to your own conclusion.
pricillia Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Sometimes the right thing to do stares you in the face and other times it takes some time to realize what the right thing is... Now don't get me wrong because I am not saying go out and sleep around or cheat or lie... Just saying that relationships form and get stronger sometimes it is meant to be and sometimes it is just out of lack of respect for the other person.
torranceshipman Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Hey, What's with all the fighting between OW and BS? Both are being messed around by a MM, and both are being treated like crap by the MM, both hate being lied to and manipulated (and clearly both deserve better). There is a lot of empathising the 2 could do...and if an OW told the W about an A when they knew the MM wasn't making good on any promises he'd made to her-i.e. it was obvious he wanted to keep lying, and not face up to his situation and sort it out properly as he'd promised - then everyone would have their cards on the table and decisions could be made more directly-and the MM would be made accountable for his actions. His true intentions would come out, and the W would know the truth and could decide to stay or walk for herself. Seems all this squabbling just gives the MM a lot of power to keep getting away with everything he's doing!
pricillia Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Hey, What's with all the fighting between OW and BS? Both are being messed around by a MM, and both are being treated like crap by the MM, both hate being lied to and manipulated (and clearly both deserve better). There is a lot of empathising the 2 could do...and if an OW told the W about an A when they knew the MM wasn't making good on any promises he'd made to her-i.e. it was obvious he wanted to keep lying, and not face up to his situation and sort it out properly as he'd promised - then everyone would have their cards on the table and decisions could be made more directly-and the MM would be made accountable for his actions. His true intentions would come out, and the W would know the truth and could decide to stay or walk for herself. Seems all this squabbling just gives the MM a lot of power to keep getting away with everything he's doing! Hot Damm:love: , could not have said it better myself... There is so much fighting between the two but there is understanding as well between some. For me I would not tell the BS... I have thought about it many times... but you know if it comes to that point and you want to out your MM then you are to a point that it is not going foward... then that is when you just walk away.
frannie Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Hey, What's with all the fighting between OW and BS? Both are being messed around by a MM, and both are being treated like crap by the MM, both hate being lied to and manipulated (and clearly both deserve better). There is a lot of empathising the 2 could do...and if an OW told the W about an A when they knew the MM wasn't making good on any promises he'd made to her-i.e. it was obvious he wanted to keep lying, and not face up to his situation and sort it out properly as he'd promised - then everyone would have their cards on the table and decisions could be made more directly-and the MM would be made accountable for his actions. His true intentions would come out, and the W would know the truth and could decide to stay or walk for herself. Seems all this squabbling just gives the MM a lot of power to keep getting away with everything he's doing! I think there's a lot to be said for this approach IF all concerned are interested in the truth, and capable of acting like adults. BUT... how often is that the case where affairs are concerned..? And I'm not just talking about the OW and MM, but the BS often doesn't want to hear 'the truth' either... if they're desirous of making the marriage work post-affair. There are just too many variables to make a blanket decision of 'truth is best'. But I know what you mean. Plus, you have to consider... IF an OW unilaterally decides to fill the W in on what's been going on, she's effectively scuppered any chance of getting together with the MM anyway. I mean, who would want to be involved with someone who goes behind your back in that way and takes away your decision..? Whatever the 'rights and wrongs' of truth-telling, there are repercussions on all sides for all three involved.
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