The write one Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I'm such an idiot, I was feeling good about life, new job, a few new women, a new city, new job, new friends and just a whole new perspective on life. Other than a few restricted calls on my cell phone, the ex who broke my heart and shattered my world was basically dead to me. But part of me that still had hope after six months of living the single life still saught contact from the ex. So after moving to my new city, i one day answered a restricted call and said "I'm changing my number soon, so if you have something to say say it now." After months of just the calls and no vioce or person to attach them too, the ex finally spoke and said "why haven't you called me." Anyway, we talked after 3 months of NC. I tried to act happy and indifferent, but i saw she still blamed me for everything and said I was mean not to call her. I flipped out (respectably) and told her how much she hurt me, how she quit us, how she made me give her a ring (twice) and move 800 miles out of my element to be with her and she couldn't even give me a year of living with her, after 8 years, before she dumped my a**. She cried and said "what was i supposed to do, I'm not a quiter all we did was argue," which i disagreed with LOL!! She also said i just disapeared and if i needed time to get away (NC) to heal, "I should have told her that" I was a bad person becasue i acted like i could care less whether she was alive or dead and she can not just cut a person out of her life like that. Whatever, I told her she was selfish for calling me restricted all those times, and i can't be her friend and i never want to here from her again. I had to do this two nights in a row. I finally said enough and didn't repond to her now unrestricted calls and i didn't call her. Well the chick knows her tears are my weak spot. So for three days, i pined and wondered if i'd ever hear from her again becuase i was so mean to her. I ended up texting her to give her my new number and she responded back immediatley. That developed into a late night phone call where i ended up apologizing and listening to her til 5 in the morn tell me why she broke up with me, and how i made her feel unseen and unheard during the relationship and "IF" she comes back she doesn't want a repeat performance. The convos were literally roller coasters as she said if i don't talk to her she will end it all, she is thinking about coming back, she wants to move to another country blah blah blah...The point is she didn't say she wanted to try a second chance and she is still confused. Our last convo, two days ago was pleasent, a few friendly texts here and there, but i haven't heard from her since and now its tearing me apart. I'm sooooooo stupid for letting her back into my life just to eff with me. I was in a good place ya know....Everyone is telling me she's crazy, you don't want that back, she's playing you. I hear all of that, but now a larger part of me wants her back, but at the same time knows she ain't coming back. I wish she could have just left me alone. I really don't have a question for you guys, but a shoulder with a little advice on the side would be nice. Sorry for writiing so much, it's just i can't go to my network with this right now b/c they would be pissed. They thought i was stronger than this. They would flip if they knew i answered her calls, talked to her, gave her my new number, told her my new address and told her, once again) i'd wait for her. I'm ashamed of myself and i really don't want to tell them. So i'll dump my problems here. Anyone who wishes to sort through this mess, feel free.
aaaaaiiiiieeeee Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I know how you feel regarding your support network being pissed about letting her back in. We're only human and often many of us fall into a pattern of recidivism. It seems she just wanted to get into your head and then hurt you again. It is time to just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move forward. Knowing what you know now should steel your resolve in maintaining appropriate boundries.
Author The write one Posted February 18, 2007 Author Posted February 18, 2007 i was partly going crazy ova here so i had to tell me fam and friends and they basically said i should be ashamed for letting my ex back into my life when i've been released from her grasp. I didn't want to, but i wasn't getting anything from LS. I've left therapy, since i moved and don't really have anyone in my new city to talk to. But they all say the same thing...Leave her alone. My pops even calls her the astronaunt (keep up with the news). For some odd reason i can't see that she's crazy or that she is out to hurt me. But how can someone say i still love you, attracted to you, never want to let you go, want to remain friends, be optomistic about a second chance, all other guys ar aholes and then not call you for going on a week now. Mission accomplished, the ex slithered her self into my new life and is recking havoc on my mind. Meanwhile, god only knows what she's doing. I shouldn't even care. But now i do. I never disrespected her or intented to her her and she knows that. So why is she out to hurt me. I just don't get it.
RocketMan2 Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 After months of just the calls and no vioce or person to attach them too, the ex finally spoke and said "why haven't you called me." Anyway, we talked after 3 months of NC. I tried to act happy and indifferent, but i saw she still blamed me for everything and said I was mean not to call her. I flipped out (respectably) and told her how much she hurt me, how she quit us, how she made me give her a ring (twice) and move 800 miles out of my element to be with her and she couldn't even give me a year of living with her, after 8 years, before she dumped my a**. She cried and said "what was i supposed to do, I'm not a quiter all we did was argue," which i disagreed with LOL!! She also said i just disapeared and if i needed time to get away (NC) to heal, "I should have told her that" I was a bad person becasue i acted like i could care less whether she was alive or dead and she can not just cut a person out of her life like that. Write One, Im interested in hearing some more from you about this... I fear that my ex doesnt understand why im NCing and will, like your ex did, think im just being horrible. Yes its a flaw with her, and you could argue that i shouldnt worry about it. However, I can see that when we do have contact, she too will be asking why i havent contacted her. Again, like your ex she doesnt understand, and I - like you - would really want to argue back at her that it was her selfishness and immaturity that made me require NC. Do you have any hindsight as to how you would have acted differently to prevent the clash, or are you glad it happened? I'm only asking this because while she doesnt understand she might be thinking i dont love her, and its stopping her coming back. Im pathetic arent i? Oh well... Im still interested in your views Rocket
Author The write one Posted February 20, 2007 Author Posted February 20, 2007 I really can't answer your question though, i'm stuck in a state of confusion myself. But what i will say is i have to once again go into NC, because i have slipped back to almost the begining of things. I once had control, but i have completely lost that. And i don't mean control over her or the situation, i'm not playing those games anymore. Instead i'm talking about my mental and how its now dreaming about her everynight, recreating scenes of the break up, picturing her with other men, inability to want to connect to another girl, pining throught LS. So i do know that NC is best for you and not her--She left you, so You is all that matters now, at least that's what im tryin to tell myself
juk Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 It must be one or a combination of these things people play these warped mind games:EgoKeep you on the back burnerTo push you over the edge so they can say look he/she is crazy that's why i left. (to justyfi his/her actions)I honestly believe that number 3 is what my wife is trying to do with me. Strict NC has got to be the only way, but yes i know how easy it is to break that when the person that is causing the pain makes contact it makes you want to respond because you think that he/she is the only thing in the world that can cure the pain, its like a temporary relief. Good luck The write one you did well to go for so long with NC don't let her destroy what you have achieved with your new job and move.
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