The write one Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I'm such an idiot, I was feeling good about life, new job, a few new women, a new city, new job, new friends and just a whole new perspective on life. Other than a few restricted calls on my cell phone, the ex who broke my heart and shattered my world was basically dead to me. But part of me that still had hope after six months of living the single life still saught contact from the ex. So after moving to my new city, i one day answered a restricted call and said "I'm changing my number soon, so if you have something to say say it now." After months of just the calls and no vioce or person to attach them too, the ex finally spoke and said "why haven't you called me." Anyway, we talked after 3 months of NC. I tried to act happy and indifferent, but i saw she still blamed me for everything and said I was mean not to call her. I flipped out (respectably) and told her how much she hurt me, how she quit us, how she made me give her a ring (twice) and move 800 miles out of my element to be with her and she couldn't even give me a year of living with her, after 8 years, before she dumped my a**. She cried and said "what was i supposed to do, I'm not a quiter all we did was argue," which i disagreed with LOL!! She also said i just disapeared and if i needed time to get away (NC) to heal, "I should have told her that" I was a bad person becasue i acted like i could care less whether she was alive or dead and she can not just cut a person out of her life like that. Whatever, I told her she was selfish for calling me restricted all those times, and i can't be her friend and i never want to here from her again. I had to do this two nights in a row. I finally said enough and didn't repond to her now unrestricted calls and i didn't call her. Well the chick knows her tears are my weak spot. So for three days, i pined and wondered if i'd ever hear from her again becuase i was so mean to her. I ended up texting her to give her my new number and she responded back immediatley. That developed into a late night phone call where i ended up apologizing and listening to her til 5 in the morn tell me why she broke up with me, and how i made her feel unseen and unheard during the relationship and "IF" she comes back she doesn't want a repeat performance. The convos were literally roller coasters as she said if i don't talk to her she will end it all, she is thinking about coming back, she wants to move to another country blah blah blah...The point is she didn't say she wanted to try a second chance and she is still confused. Our last convo, two days ago was pleasent, a few friendly texts here and there, but i haven't heard from her since and now its tearing me apart. I'm sooooooo stupid for letting her back into my life just to eff with me. I was in a good place ya know....Everyone is telling me she's crazy, you don't want that back, she's playing you. I hear all of that, but now a larger part of me wants her back, but at the same time knows she ain't coming back. I wish she could have just left me alone. I really don't have a question for you guys, but a shoulder with a little advice on the side would be nice. Sorry for writiing so much, it's just i can't go to my network with this right now b/c they would be pissed. They thought i was stronger than this. They would flip if they knew i answered her calls, talked to her, gave her my new number, told her my new address and told her, once again) i'd wait for her. I'm ashamed of myself and i really don't want to tell them. So i'll dump my problems here. Anyone who wishes to sort through this mess, feel free.
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